Not wanting to be ripped off or put to pasture

First, I forgot and am carrying around the rings in my purse, still. Showed them to my therapist this afternoon and looked again at the estimate for the center stone. I'd mis-remembered by close to a grand. So it is a nearly $10000 set they wanted to give me under $1500 for it. This was the first time she'd seen the set and she was absolutely gaga. Could not believe they were giving me a mere $90 for the wedding ring. I think she was close to claiming it herself.

She feels I did the right thing not leaving it. I think if I sell it on ebay for only $1 more, I will have avoided this jewelry rip off store their unearned commission and not lost anything further in the process.

What I figure they should have taken into account is that I already made them over $2500 a few years ago with the other diamond. They have lost a repeat customer in which they USE MY ASSETS TO EXPAND THEIR INVENTORY FOR FREE, TO THEN MAKE A COUPLE GRAND OFF OF ME. Now THAT is good business sense.

Second, in other pertinent news to my psyche, I took the ADHD test again this morning. Although my self reports afterwards sucked royally the other two times I took it, this time I truly feel I did well. I remember once before in tallying my errors during the test, because I am so overfocused and am compelled to count, I actually stopped adding at 14 errors. This time, I only had 7, excepting for any the machine felt were too slow in response. I'll admit to wanting to slow my response time today - the first time I was at 60th percentile in speediness and the second in the 85th. Such speed is not necessary, as accuracy is weighed equally against it.

Based on my previous experiences which could serve to aid in my test taking (which makes the whole fucking thing invalid anyway), I made some changes. This time, I wore ear plugs. I also cheated a bit and put some soothing aromatherapy oil on my nose and hand, thus introducing a new relaxation variable. Fuck it. Between all the variables, I was consciously aware of better concentration and ability to control my frustration at incorrect responses. In other words, I did not have the domino effect as I made errors. Or so I believe.

The Ph.D. is off on Wednesdays, so I have to get the report by phone tomorrow. She is scheduled back-to-back Thursday, so I have no idea when I'll find out more. Although Ted joked to loosen me up that I'd learn the results next week or next month even, I requested that I learn before Friday (her other day off) because I go to my doctor Friday afternoon and that was scheduled specifically after the ADHD test. On Friday, my doctor may prescribe a med that lowers high beta and brain chatter; I'd tried a different med that does that several years ago, but it gave me successive shingles lesions for about six months. Maybe the new would work. Like I need another prescription.

As a last resort, and because the EEG officially diagnosed me as ADHD, something my doctor previously refused to believe, I will try some ADHD stimulants. I would have to do the cheap generic ones which are tougher to regulate (ie, not extended release), but I HAVE to do something productive to get my life in order.

My therapist was insistent today that the Ph.D. would not cut me off, even though it sounded that way the last time I took the test. With what I've read, 80-90% of people respond to these treatments, so I fear being in the balance. My therapist, who knows how vulnerable I feel as a gratis patient not knowing how vesting the biofeedback people might be in my welfare, believes that it would be unethical for the Ph.D. to leave me hanging. Regardless, I fear her wanting to cut her loses because of things she's already said.

To outline the progress I have made and presented in my written survey to them today, I'll outline some good:

1. Most ADHD people read and re-read passages in books, with reading comprehension suffering. I have had to re-read passages much less, thus my attention and focus are better.
2. Despite coming off my sleeping med, I have generally been able to get 4-6 hrs a night, particularly the last few since I added soy for the hot flashes.
3. I have been able to curb negative thoughts, able to tell myself to not go there. This was especially evident this morning as I was mentally preparing myself for the test, stuck in a city-wide traffic jam. No, I would not have been ruminating about the traffic as I have enough other crap to think about, but I did well not ruminating about anything else, either. This means my high beta is coming down and I can control it better. Putting in Bach's Brandenburg Concerto helped, too.
4. Okay, there was a fourth. It'll come to me. Damn ADHD.

For most people, a light bulb comes on by 20 sessions, almost definitely by 25 sessions. I am now at 40 and I have no new, clean windshield to view life. I can see little inklings, so I am not a lost cause, even if I am a tough case. Some people take 60 or 80 or 100 sessions. All I can say is that I have the time if the Ph.D. has the ethical inclination.