Winding path

I have been posting every other day, but I am rather a loss today.

Sometimes I wonder where have all the bloggers gone? I get so few comments in comparison to others, even though I diligently try to comment elsewhere. Also, so many bloggers I used to enjoy are gone or nearly gone. Jeez, I usta could count on Kellie for a comment and some conversation, at least. This place feels lonely to me now.

Hence, blogging is holding less attraction for me. I would prefer if it were more social and my attempts to make it more social, pretty, uplifting, homey, or sweet have largely failed, so I don't know where to go. Strangely, my subscribers continue to increase (Hi People! Thanks!), probably double on the two feeds since last year, so I can only figure that someone is reading.

Tonight, I debate another form of socialization: drinking beer in the neighborhood bar and probably seeing the 35yo guy I'd met there in January/February (his wife had left him only six weeks earlier) and who recalled my every word when I saw him again last week in the moments before Ted arrived. Seems like his name is Justin, I forget, but he seems very sweet, just not right for me. He's naive and good and kind and smiling and generous with a new promotion and money to burn. What on earth would I do with a guy like that? Mostly, I remember him saying he's very inexperienced in bed. When a guy says his wife would not have sex with him, I do not think frigidity, I think more along the likes of ED or PE. Or general bumbling. I don't mind teaching, but I'm not sure I have it in me right now.

Besides, dating 'on the economy,' to quote a military term, is risky.

That said, I joined eHarmo.ny Sunday. Of all folks, a child psychiatrist contacted me Sunday morning. It went down strangely: I was notified at 9:45 that we matched, then at 10:45, he requested communication. Over the course of the day, he sent me five stock questions and I sent him five stock questions. These are things you essentially can't mess up. Then Monday morning, I got notice that he'd closed communication because he was in a relationship. Why on earth open communications then? I guess I'd rather know now than later. Is he schizophrenic or demented? Or did he score on big time Sunday night?

Evidently there are crazies both at eHarmon.y and in the psychiatric field. Goodness, who can you trust?

I am shocked at how many matches come up, something like 30 are active in my file right now within a week, not including the ones I've closed. I wish I felt better about my chances ... I try to just think of it for entertainment value, not much more. I'm not so keen on the term "soul mate," anyhoo. Never had one and don't expect to find one.

Speaking of a lack of soul mates, I emailed Ted my final, final, final answer last night, explaining that the drama is his, because I tried to do this quietly and maturely two weeks ago. I doubt if he's gotten the message yet, literally and figuratively. It was great fun having his six minute voice mail message, another two minute one, and his long email to take to my therapist today, particularly when he actually said to show his email to my friends and therapist. To quote her, "It seems so pathetic anyway," that he would be so misguided and shallow, saying the garbage he did and being so clueless. The word she used and I wish I had: integrity. He has none, yet he thinks he does. I'll give it to P; he lacked on integrity, but he knew it. Ex, he has integrity, he's just shallow.

Speaking of ex, he took a large pay cut for his job when the employer changed entities 18 months ago. He's been offered another job in a field he used to work in, but it's with a guy he consults for and pays only about every 4-5 months, not so reliable. Ex is considering the job and he'd be the big boss at the location, plus it would supposedly double or triple his pay. It is a hand full of hours from here. What pricked my ears was him saying, "There, I'd be able to afford for J to go to private school!" I bit my tongue. No need to fight with Mr. Pie-In-The-Sky just yet. Seems that he envisions us all moving to this nothing, tiny, podunk, racing town (it's not that far from where we used to live, so I've been through there) together. I've referred to his concept as an enclave or commune. Nope, not I, said the city-loving suburban girl. I'll pick that battle later.

Speaking a bit about J, he's got standardized tests coming up. I've been comparing them to the SAT (I know, stage mom), that he needs to learn how to take standardized tests and perform well. Today they did a practice math test from a previous year. He was the only in his class to get 50 out of 50. The closest other kid missed three. I am very proud, not only for him getting them right, but for him having the patience and attention span to do it. Kudos kiddo. Please keep it up. Mama needs you to get a scholarship one day.

Hmmm, so much for not really having anything to blog.