My wish for 2007 is that it be a healthy year for all of us, creatures great and small.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Happy Near Year, again
My wish for 2007 is that it be a healthy year for all of us, creatures great and small.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Tiger plants a cub
Isn't it great when the media thinks people can arrange things like this? We all should be so lucky.
Of course, folks like them really do get to plan it that way.
Woods and Elin Norde.gren of Sweden married in October 2004, and Woods has said that he wanted children sooner instead of later. He did not say when in the summer the baby is due, although it likely would be between the U.S. Open and British Open.
Of course, folks like them really do get to plan it that way.
Our new addition
Meet Janie Betta, named in honor of her being a New Year fish, hence our contrived nickname for January as well as the preferred name of the daughter I never had. I do love naming things. My son made the mistake of offering that I could help, so I took over naming duties right quick. Take that Julia R0berts. I got to name a fish.
Below is how Janie chills. She gets a swimming jump and wedges herself up onto the plastic foliage, staying just below the surface of the water, still and completely relaxed in the warmth of the too hot, cheapo Ikea light above. Manicure, pedicure, and she'd be set.
When I researched female bettas after we brought her home, I learned, "A well conditioned breeding female will often display horizontal stripes." At least one of us is fertile. Take that Julia R0berts.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Who knows?
Luke left a long message last evening on my cell. My son and I were seeing the Ben Sti11er flick, which was better than the reviews. We really enjoyed it. I giggled seeing him on screen with his mom, especially when he tried to buffalo her.
Anyway, Luke and I talked later. He misses me and thinks of me often. When he left a message on my voice mail, he'd been trying to call me in the space of time between work and picking up his kids. Without me asking, he said he'd secured babysitting for the next few days; he seems confident and comfortable about it. Later, I told him I've been very concerned, but did not mention the arrangement I'd considered.
I have come to realize that us breaking up doesn't really stick, because we like and care for one another. Since HS, I have never had break/unbreak ups with a person. I am much too decisive for that.
I must fall back on my mantra: Love (or something leading to love) is not enough. L.I.N.E. The proper logistics must be there for a relationship. And I have begun online conversations with other guys.
During our phone call, Luke reminded me about him feeling sick on Monday and it turned into something like his eldest son had. That son threw up three mornings in a row and had reduced appetite, nothing further. Don't know what happened with Luke. Anyway, he mentioned it because it prevented him from saying things he meant to say on Monday night and I guess he wants a chance to say them.
I haven't mentioned it here before, but Luke has a health concern that is over riding. Several months ago, he had a growth removed from his voca1 cords. The tissue was painful like a barb and made his throat sore, but they could not identify what kind of growth it was, except to say it was benign.
In the last two months, he had a different growth develop and, by scope several weeks ago, it appears to perhaps be above his voca1 cords, but they could not be sure. I saw the pictures. I also saw him struggle to swallow the Xmas dinner he'd cooked. His voice is definitely affected now, much raspier.
He has another appt in about two weeks, but I don't know when he surgery will be - for his last surgery, his summer girlfried with all the PDA took him. That time they told him that repeated growths/voca1 cord lasering will steal his voice. He is very, very fearful of that.
How can I simultaneously be decisive and compassionate? You don't have to answer that.
Anyway, Luke and I talked later. He misses me and thinks of me often. When he left a message on my voice mail, he'd been trying to call me in the space of time between work and picking up his kids. Without me asking, he said he'd secured babysitting for the next few days; he seems confident and comfortable about it. Later, I told him I've been very concerned, but did not mention the arrangement I'd considered.
I have come to realize that us breaking up doesn't really stick, because we like and care for one another. Since HS, I have never had break/unbreak ups with a person. I am much too decisive for that.
I must fall back on my mantra: Love (or something leading to love) is not enough. L.I.N.E. The proper logistics must be there for a relationship. And I have begun online conversations with other guys.
During our phone call, Luke reminded me about him feeling sick on Monday and it turned into something like his eldest son had. That son threw up three mornings in a row and had reduced appetite, nothing further. Don't know what happened with Luke. Anyway, he mentioned it because it prevented him from saying things he meant to say on Monday night and I guess he wants a chance to say them.
I haven't mentioned it here before, but Luke has a health concern that is over riding. Several months ago, he had a growth removed from his voca1 cords. The tissue was painful like a barb and made his throat sore, but they could not identify what kind of growth it was, except to say it was benign.
In the last two months, he had a different growth develop and, by scope several weeks ago, it appears to perhaps be above his voca1 cords, but they could not be sure. I saw the pictures. I also saw him struggle to swallow the Xmas dinner he'd cooked. His voice is definitely affected now, much raspier.
He has another appt in about two weeks, but I don't know when he surgery will be - for his last surgery, his summer girlfried with all the PDA took him. That time they told him that repeated growths/voca1 cord lasering will steal his voice. He is very, very fearful of that.
How can I simultaneously be decisive and compassionate? You don't have to answer that.
Not again
Julia R0berts is better than us again, y'all. She got to skip SIF completely and is on the road to kid three.
Can't wait to her her perspectives on this, with it being a singleton and destined to be so easy as such.
Bitter anyone?
Can't wait to her her perspectives on this, with it being a singleton and destined to be so easy as such.
Bitter anyone?
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Not exactly what I had in mind
My son came home yesterday and, over time, I got the list of things he'd gotten for Xmas from his father and visiting grandmother.
If I was surprised about the leather jackets my son and his 16yo step brother got, then I was absolutely shocked by their dual Lifetime Memberships to the NRA.
I like getting these reminders about why we are divorced.
If I was surprised about the leather jackets my son and his 16yo step brother got, then I was absolutely shocked by their dual Lifetime Memberships to the NRA.
I like getting these reminders about why we are divorced.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Bunk
Infertile couples praying for a baby miracle
Road trip to Rome. Yeah, right.
````````````````````
EDIT:
I can't locate the video again. Here's the transcript from CNN's Anderson Co.oper 360 Degrees:
CO.OPER: Infertility affects about six million people in the U.S. alone. The problem, of course, is heartbreaking for a lot of couples who are desperately trying to have a child. Most people turn to modern medicine for help conceiving, but there are those who are willing to travel thousands of miles in search of what they hope will be a miracle.Here's CNN's faith and values correspondent, Delia Gallagher.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
DELIA GALLAGHER, CNN CORRESPONDENT
(voice-over): Hundreds, even thousands of faithful come to this church in Rome each week. Many are women who have all but given up on having a child. And they are desperate for a miracle.
From the outside, the Church of Sant'Agostino looks like so many in Rome. Built in the 13th century, its facade is said to be made of stones from ruins of the Roman Coliseum.
Inside, there's the tomb of St. Monica, Mother Sant'Agostino, and this, the Madonna dei Pellegrini by Caravaggio, a once controversial painting depicting the Virgin Mary in a less than sacred setting. But look at this. This is why these women come. It's Iacopo Sansovini's Madonna del Parto, the Madonna of childbirth. Often accompanied by their husbands, they are drawn to the statue. They sometimes cry and always pray. Father Bernardino Pinciarolli is the friar of Sant'Agostino. He says he has seen the sorrow and the hope in the eyes of couples who ask for something that appears to come so easily to others but for them is so elusive.
FATHER BERNARDINO PINCIAROLLI, FRIAR OF SANT'AGOSTINO (through translator): This is the most beautiful thing, to see these women and next to them their husbands with the same sadness, but at the same time seeing that there is joy in the request.
GALLAGHER: For 500 years believers have come here to ask for their tiny miracles.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): I have always prayed to this Madonna. I prayed to her every time I've been with child, and now I'm a mother of three. So I've become devoted to her.
GALLAGHER: So many of the women who came to pray wouldn't speak to us on camera. But Louisa, here to give thanks for her three healthy children, told us there are many stories of how the Madonna helped women whose only wish was to have a child. There's no question that those who visit the Madonna believe in miracles, perhaps with good reason. Father Bernardino says the church doesn't keep count of how many babies have been born after parents came to pray at the statue, but he does know how many have returned through the years to show their gratitude. From the thousands of photographs kept carefully in albums. Overjoyed parents with their newborns and baby booties, ribbons, toys pinned to the walls. Tokens of thanks from thousands of grateful mothers and fathers.
PINCIAROLLI (through translator): I've seen and heard extraordinary things. Sometimes they come here from baptisms and say, "Lord, this child was given us to by Mary." It's a beautiful thing.
GALLAGHER: The Madonna and her child, bringing hope to couples who seem to have so little. The miracle of childbirth has a special meaning here.
Delia Gallagher, CNN, Rome.
Road trip to Rome. Yeah, right.
````````````````````
EDIT:
I can't locate the video again. Here's the transcript from CNN's Anderson Co.oper 360 Degrees:
CO.OPER: Infertility affects about six million people in the U.S. alone. The problem, of course, is heartbreaking for a lot of couples who are desperately trying to have a child. Most people turn to modern medicine for help conceiving, but there are those who are willing to travel thousands of miles in search of what they hope will be a miracle.Here's CNN's faith and values correspondent, Delia Gallagher.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
DELIA GALLAGHER, CNN CORRESPONDENT
(voice-over): Hundreds, even thousands of faithful come to this church in Rome each week. Many are women who have all but given up on having a child. And they are desperate for a miracle.
From the outside, the Church of Sant'Agostino looks like so many in Rome. Built in the 13th century, its facade is said to be made of stones from ruins of the Roman Coliseum.
Inside, there's the tomb of St. Monica, Mother Sant'Agostino, and this, the Madonna dei Pellegrini by Caravaggio, a once controversial painting depicting the Virgin Mary in a less than sacred setting. But look at this. This is why these women come. It's Iacopo Sansovini's Madonna del Parto, the Madonna of childbirth. Often accompanied by their husbands, they are drawn to the statue. They sometimes cry and always pray. Father Bernardino Pinciarolli is the friar of Sant'Agostino. He says he has seen the sorrow and the hope in the eyes of couples who ask for something that appears to come so easily to others but for them is so elusive.
FATHER BERNARDINO PINCIAROLLI, FRIAR OF SANT'AGOSTINO (through translator): This is the most beautiful thing, to see these women and next to them their husbands with the same sadness, but at the same time seeing that there is joy in the request.
GALLAGHER: For 500 years believers have come here to ask for their tiny miracles.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE (through translator): I have always prayed to this Madonna. I prayed to her every time I've been with child, and now I'm a mother of three. So I've become devoted to her.
GALLAGHER: So many of the women who came to pray wouldn't speak to us on camera. But Louisa, here to give thanks for her three healthy children, told us there are many stories of how the Madonna helped women whose only wish was to have a child. There's no question that those who visit the Madonna believe in miracles, perhaps with good reason. Father Bernardino says the church doesn't keep count of how many babies have been born after parents came to pray at the statue, but he does know how many have returned through the years to show their gratitude. From the thousands of photographs kept carefully in albums. Overjoyed parents with their newborns and baby booties, ribbons, toys pinned to the walls. Tokens of thanks from thousands of grateful mothers and fathers.
PINCIAROLLI (through translator): I've seen and heard extraordinary things. Sometimes they come here from baptisms and say, "Lord, this child was given us to by Mary." It's a beautiful thing.
GALLAGHER: The Madonna and her child, bringing hope to couples who seem to have so little. The miracle of childbirth has a special meaning here.
Delia Gallagher, CNN, Rome.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Because we all should be thinking of eating somemore
Here's my annual plug. Restaurant.com is a great place to get restaurant gift certificates on the cheap. Generally, they are either $10 or $25 and they're purchased for $3 or $10. If you get on their mailing list, you find out when they're even cheaper. Right now, they're 70% off, only $3 for a $25 gift certificate. I am lucky that there are many restaurants around here participating. Check for your zip code and see for yourself.
The current offer code is CHEERS and you plug it in on the last page. I just bought $45 worth of certificates for under $5.
Be sure to watch for the certificate's stipulations - time of day, day of week, amount spent, etc.
The current offer code is CHEERS and you plug it in on the last page. I just bought $45 worth of certificates for under $5.
Be sure to watch for the certificate's stipulations - time of day, day of week, amount spent, etc.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Another Christmas, Another Break Up
Yup, had to do the deed over Xmas clean up.
Excuse followed excuse about why he tended his children every waking second and I said I cannot be with a man who cannot prioritize me in the least. It happened before with work and school. It happened with his kids, who are very high maintenance.
Specifically, and to his surprise, I said, "It's not them. It's you." He kind of stepped back with a shocked look on his face, but he finally got it.
I pointed out that the dynamic of me being in the background and us having no PDA in front of them will become how it'd be next Spring Break/summer/Xmas as well. I was particularly struck by the idea that most of the time between January and June, when his kids are gone, will seem like a honeymoon, but his true reality is the rest of the time, precious visitation. That's where his excitement and heart lie. All else is false. He has no space for a relationship when his loyalties are that way. No relationship could survive what would feel like a lack of commitment during those holidays. He is struck by my insight and my ability to communicate it. He realizes he should not be dating, particularly when he actually says his goal is a long term relationship!
To help him deal with his kids, I suggested several parenting books - Your [insert age] Year Old - which would prime him on what his kids should be able to do when he has them for these short periods. He should not be catering to them or bend to their whim, because it will always wind up two against one. Although it seemed disrespectful to say it, I wanted to coach him to learn to say, "Because I'm the adult," in dealing with them balking him all the time. Further, they should have little responsibilities and grow instead of regress while with him. Otherwise, what began when a kid was three will be the norm fallen back on even when the kid gets older because of the sporadic nature of their visitation.
For example, no seven year old should need Daddy's company each time he takes a dump and no four year old should need extensive assistance for each piss. Luke was up and down with their calls constantly, me interrupted mid-sentence and feeling invisible.
This happened once with the eldest just as Luke and I had our very first quiet moment together all day. This was Saturday. I was just about to ask him to open his Xmas present from me when the eldest had to poop. No present, special time over.
Then, as it turned out, the youngest went hog wild opening gifts this morning and opened mine to Luke - the high quality darts I had imported and were the most expensive gift I bought this season. Of course, Luke was on the phone to his ex when this occurred and she heard "darts" and he lied to her about what she'd heard, thus lying about my existance. He said he never saw the tag and had no idea who they came from. Cast quite the pall over my gift for sure.
I walked in the door today (no kiss, of course) and asked if he had opened my gift yet. He laughed it off, said what had happened, but my eyes welled up. Much later, I told him that I knew I would get very little from him the week (e.g., no hand holding and I had to friggin' walk right past him with no kiss as I entered his apt each time b/c of his no PDA rule and his kids eyeing everything suspiciously, especially the elder, in order to report to their mother), but giving that gift was truly my bright spot. I was getting a lot out of giving a special gift we could do together and commemorated a very special evening we shared. I admitted that perhaps I put too much significance on it, but I knew I'd be at the short end of the stick for a few weeks and I was purposefully looking out for myself with that sole situation.
Sigh.
At least he allowed me to draw some boundaries (i.e. Kids, you've eaten, but Daddy cooked [ha - warmed] all day, so he will not play a game until he is finished eating.), even if he didn't uphold them very well. I guided them a good bit and he really liked my interactions with them. I taught them games, read to them, played cars, etc and they were good with me; even the older one warmed to me today. The younger stayed on my lap and the older was eager for high fives during games. He actually smiled repeatedly and was happy.
Honestly, it's just called parenting - steering/diverting for a desired result instead of arguing, whining back, and caving. Kids like boundaries, especially if you let them think they are in charge and give them confidence in decision-making. Plus play therapy is so valuable, too; give them a specific time to feel the boss. It takes a confident, informed parent and I don't know how he can accomplish that on holidays.
Between Luke and I, it specifically came down to him having too much on his plate - school, work, kids, health - and I didn't see a place for me. In fact, I generally felt in the way, a distraction for any of these "more important" things. When I helped, it was too much, stuff he should be doing for himself.
(Besides airport and fish duties while he was gone, I spent two hours installing new tags on his car; he tried doing it before he left, but couldn't. After I started, I realized he didn't have the right tools or WD-40 and I had to do it at my house in the rain in the dark [with my son holding the flashlight and me yelling/cussing a lot] - his old tags were out of state and expired, so it had to be done, but the bolts were rusted and mere screw drivers would not work. The guy didn't have the time or organization to do it on his own and I'm butch enough to fix things.)
Further, I asked him if it's always this way with him buzzing around to the beat of someone else's drum and he couldn't say. That's odd to me, not knowing your own patterns. However, it came down to him knowing he needs to work on himself.
At least he was open to what I said to him and essentially agreed, although he felt like he lacked perspective. Funny this. Yeah. To get perspective, he plans to start therapy next month. He'd mentioned it before.
That brought me my only real tears of the day as I questioned why I bring men to the point of them wanting to fulfill the potential I see for them. Why do I make men evolve to the point of understanding that they're needing something more to help themselves? Why do I lend them such focus? Why can't that be done along side me?
Honestly, though, I don't think either Luke or ex-f could fix enough stuff to make me comfortable enough to stay.
We may talk some time in the future. We didn't leave it on bad terms, but I was tired of feeling neglected and he didn't like feeling like he was either using me or overlooking me.
Yeah, so Merry Christmas to me.
Another one bites the dust as the Yule log fades. It's an Xmas tradition now.
At least this year, I took my gift home - I'd requested Pa1oma Picass0 and he came through on a gift set. Yum.
Excuse followed excuse about why he tended his children every waking second and I said I cannot be with a man who cannot prioritize me in the least. It happened before with work and school. It happened with his kids, who are very high maintenance.
Specifically, and to his surprise, I said, "It's not them. It's you." He kind of stepped back with a shocked look on his face, but he finally got it.
I pointed out that the dynamic of me being in the background and us having no PDA in front of them will become how it'd be next Spring Break/summer/Xmas as well. I was particularly struck by the idea that most of the time between January and June, when his kids are gone, will seem like a honeymoon, but his true reality is the rest of the time, precious visitation. That's where his excitement and heart lie. All else is false. He has no space for a relationship when his loyalties are that way. No relationship could survive what would feel like a lack of commitment during those holidays. He is struck by my insight and my ability to communicate it. He realizes he should not be dating, particularly when he actually says his goal is a long term relationship!
To help him deal with his kids, I suggested several parenting books - Your [insert age] Year Old - which would prime him on what his kids should be able to do when he has them for these short periods. He should not be catering to them or bend to their whim, because it will always wind up two against one. Although it seemed disrespectful to say it, I wanted to coach him to learn to say, "Because I'm the adult," in dealing with them balking him all the time. Further, they should have little responsibilities and grow instead of regress while with him. Otherwise, what began when a kid was three will be the norm fallen back on even when the kid gets older because of the sporadic nature of their visitation.
For example, no seven year old should need Daddy's company each time he takes a dump and no four year old should need extensive assistance for each piss. Luke was up and down with their calls constantly, me interrupted mid-sentence and feeling invisible.
This happened once with the eldest just as Luke and I had our very first quiet moment together all day. This was Saturday. I was just about to ask him to open his Xmas present from me when the eldest had to poop. No present, special time over.
Then, as it turned out, the youngest went hog wild opening gifts this morning and opened mine to Luke - the high quality darts I had imported and were the most expensive gift I bought this season. Of course, Luke was on the phone to his ex when this occurred and she heard "darts" and he lied to her about what she'd heard, thus lying about my existance. He said he never saw the tag and had no idea who they came from. Cast quite the pall over my gift for sure.
I walked in the door today (no kiss, of course) and asked if he had opened my gift yet. He laughed it off, said what had happened, but my eyes welled up. Much later, I told him that I knew I would get very little from him the week (e.g., no hand holding and I had to friggin' walk right past him with no kiss as I entered his apt each time b/c of his no PDA rule and his kids eyeing everything suspiciously, especially the elder, in order to report to their mother), but giving that gift was truly my bright spot. I was getting a lot out of giving a special gift we could do together and commemorated a very special evening we shared. I admitted that perhaps I put too much significance on it, but I knew I'd be at the short end of the stick for a few weeks and I was purposefully looking out for myself with that sole situation.
Sigh.
At least he allowed me to draw some boundaries (i.e. Kids, you've eaten, but Daddy cooked [ha - warmed] all day, so he will not play a game until he is finished eating.), even if he didn't uphold them very well. I guided them a good bit and he really liked my interactions with them. I taught them games, read to them, played cars, etc and they were good with me; even the older one warmed to me today. The younger stayed on my lap and the older was eager for high fives during games. He actually smiled repeatedly and was happy.
Honestly, it's just called parenting - steering/diverting for a desired result instead of arguing, whining back, and caving. Kids like boundaries, especially if you let them think they are in charge and give them confidence in decision-making. Plus play therapy is so valuable, too; give them a specific time to feel the boss. It takes a confident, informed parent and I don't know how he can accomplish that on holidays.
Between Luke and I, it specifically came down to him having too much on his plate - school, work, kids, health - and I didn't see a place for me. In fact, I generally felt in the way, a distraction for any of these "more important" things. When I helped, it was too much, stuff he should be doing for himself.
(Besides airport and fish duties while he was gone, I spent two hours installing new tags on his car; he tried doing it before he left, but couldn't. After I started, I realized he didn't have the right tools or WD-40 and I had to do it at my house in the rain in the dark [with my son holding the flashlight and me yelling/cussing a lot] - his old tags were out of state and expired, so it had to be done, but the bolts were rusted and mere screw drivers would not work. The guy didn't have the time or organization to do it on his own and I'm butch enough to fix things.)
Further, I asked him if it's always this way with him buzzing around to the beat of someone else's drum and he couldn't say. That's odd to me, not knowing your own patterns. However, it came down to him knowing he needs to work on himself.
At least he was open to what I said to him and essentially agreed, although he felt like he lacked perspective. Funny this. Yeah. To get perspective, he plans to start therapy next month. He'd mentioned it before.
That brought me my only real tears of the day as I questioned why I bring men to the point of them wanting to fulfill the potential I see for them. Why do I make men evolve to the point of understanding that they're needing something more to help themselves? Why do I lend them such focus? Why can't that be done along side me?
Honestly, though, I don't think either Luke or ex-f could fix enough stuff to make me comfortable enough to stay.
We may talk some time in the future. We didn't leave it on bad terms, but I was tired of feeling neglected and he didn't like feeling like he was either using me or overlooking me.
Yeah, so Merry Christmas to me.
Another one bites the dust as the Yule log fades. It's an Xmas tradition now.
At least this year, I took my gift home - I'd requested Pa1oma Picass0 and he came through on a gift set. Yum.
Better than last year
Bump.
BumBump.
Bump. Crash.
It's okaaaaaay, he calls out. I really like juggling.
``````````````````````````
I am trying hard to focus on today, but last year keeps creeping in. I think that was one of the hardest days of my life. And I am much more unresolved than I like to admit. None of it makes sense; I miss him. I want to send an email, but will abstain.
Instead, I am focusing on getting my son to his dad's in a little bit, then going to Luke's. He's cooking, or as Norma said, he's warming. See, cooking a fancy dinner to him is apparently green beans, yams, corn, gravy, and cranberry sauce from cans, plus Stove Top from a box. At least he is cooking a turkey. I talked him out of the canned ham a few weeks ago.
His kids are here: four and seven. The youngest one is whiny, with both of his parents complaining, but I think it's his age and he's cute enough and affectionate enough to get away with it. The older one is literally dark and broody - at age seven. I told Luke the first day that I've never seen a first grader act like a teenager before. The boy reminds me of L, which gives me the heebie jeebies.
Nothing's perfect. Sigh.
But I am so very thankful for this airplane-building, dinosaur-excavating, GI Joe-playing, juggling, clowning, kissing boy of mine. It's going to be hard giving him up for two days.
BumBump.
Bump. Crash.
It's okaaaaaay, he calls out. I really like juggling.
``````````````````````````
I am trying hard to focus on today, but last year keeps creeping in. I think that was one of the hardest days of my life. And I am much more unresolved than I like to admit. None of it makes sense; I miss him. I want to send an email, but will abstain.
Instead, I am focusing on getting my son to his dad's in a little bit, then going to Luke's. He's cooking, or as Norma said, he's warming. See, cooking a fancy dinner to him is apparently green beans, yams, corn, gravy, and cranberry sauce from cans, plus Stove Top from a box. At least he is cooking a turkey. I talked him out of the canned ham a few weeks ago.
His kids are here: four and seven. The youngest one is whiny, with both of his parents complaining, but I think it's his age and he's cute enough and affectionate enough to get away with it. The older one is literally dark and broody - at age seven. I told Luke the first day that I've never seen a first grader act like a teenager before. The boy reminds me of L, which gives me the heebie jeebies.
Nothing's perfect. Sigh.
But I am so very thankful for this airplane-building, dinosaur-excavating, GI Joe-playing, juggling, clowning, kissing boy of mine. It's going to be hard giving him up for two days.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Finding spirit(s)
I am finally decorating. Fill my stocking with a little cheer, plus whatever you deem I need, want, deserve, lack, desire, or should really, really have.
Thanks, and back at cha.
via Diana
| Cricket's Stocking | ||||||||
|
Thanks, and back at cha.
via Diana
ass-u-me
We've established that Luke really hates the assumptions that come from looking like a little Lat1n guy with a definitive Lat1n surname. Besides ordering at Taco Bell, he's never spoken Span1sh. However, he's been mistakenly brought documents at work as a project to translate from Span1sh and, on the flip side away from work, without speaking a word he's been brought a translator to work for him. He's pretty much stunned by it all, by the assumptions made from his surname and/or his appearance.
I have my own version of that and I am trying hard to keep it in check, better than him anyway. It is well-established that I am pretty WASPy looking.
Why is it the greeting of the season, "Are you ready for Christmas?" One could argue that people are just being friendly and probably subversively saying, "Naaa naaa, I'm ready and you're not."
Actually, what they're assuming is that because I look Christian then I must be Christian. I don't appreciate it, particularly because I do nothing Christian in society to make anyone think that would be my religion. I have an English last name, but so does an old friend who looks WASPy, is Jewish, and married Christian. The appearance does not match up with reality.
I don't like the assumptions.
A bit fed up with it yesterday and faced with the question at school by the school counselor who I think should know better, I gave her much more than she was seeking. I don't like her and I don't care if it showed, not to mention with her counselor status and all, I figure she can find her way out of it just fine.
SC: Are you ready for Christmas?
AC*: I wonder if there are any studies about the warpedness of children born to atheists as the kids try to get through the Christmas season.
SC: The what?
ACWLTMUW*: Warpedness.
SC: Oh
She quickly walked off, ensuring enough distance between us so that none of my atheism rubbed off on her, as I declared a small victory creeping out a person who I really don't care for who obviously needs to find a sense of humor under her blasted tree.
* Atheist Cricket
** Atheist Cricket Who Likes To Make Up Words
I have my own version of that and I am trying hard to keep it in check, better than him anyway. It is well-established that I am pretty WASPy looking.
Why is it the greeting of the season, "Are you ready for Christmas?" One could argue that people are just being friendly and probably subversively saying, "Naaa naaa, I'm ready and you're not."
Actually, what they're assuming is that because I look Christian then I must be Christian. I don't appreciate it, particularly because I do nothing Christian in society to make anyone think that would be my religion. I have an English last name, but so does an old friend who looks WASPy, is Jewish, and married Christian. The appearance does not match up with reality.
I don't like the assumptions.
A bit fed up with it yesterday and faced with the question at school by the school counselor who I think should know better, I gave her much more than she was seeking. I don't like her and I don't care if it showed, not to mention with her counselor status and all, I figure she can find her way out of it just fine.
SC: Are you ready for Christmas?
AC*: I wonder if there are any studies about the warpedness of children born to atheists as the kids try to get through the Christmas season.
SC: The what?
ACWLTMUW*: Warpedness.
SC: Oh
She quickly walked off, ensuring enough distance between us so that none of my atheism rubbed off on her, as I declared a small victory creeping out a person who I really don't care for who obviously needs to find a sense of humor under her blasted tree.
* Atheist Cricket
** Atheist Cricket Who Likes To Make Up Words
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Lest you think I come from an indecisive line
My mother broke up with her beau. Remember, he was the angel collector so worthy of my time and efforts. I gather she didn't cotton to life on a shelf.
Exasperated, she told him this weekend that she already had two husbands that did nothing but sit on the couch and she'd be damned if she was going to go through that again. Apparently in three weekends, they'd gone out to eat once, ordered in once, and sat on the couch the rest of the time.
When he played the "I had open heart surgery last year" card, she told him that it merely confirmed that they want to/are able to do different things.
All I can say is that maybe some warning was in order, as I don't have the impression she tried to talk to him directly about this ahead of time. That's not to say they didn't talk, because she'd emailed me previously that they spent hours each night on the phone and she signed up for call waiting just because of him. I guess they didn't talk very constructively. And I guess that allowed him to sit on the couch during phone calls more than she would have preferred, sort of setting a precedent for when she was there.
The guy, an Egypt1an, rather exotic for her, plead with her about maintaining a friendship, but she is of the same mind set as me there: nope, over is over. I do wish she'd reconsider, as I believe they had a lot in common.
So my mother is single again after over a month. And she's asking me when I'm going to dump mine.
Mine is trying, but there's a lot of substance there. He is a genuinely good person with a moral backbone much like mine. He is overly patient, too, which leads us to trouble when he is overly patient with his ex-wife.
I think he creates day-to-day drama and he's been put on notice about that. After his kids are gone in January, classes are over, and peak time at work is through, if he keeps up with the scurrying about like henny penny with no time or focus, then he is history.
I hate more than anything feeling like I am in the way or hindering someone's productivity, yet I hate to cede the way for someone not using their time well. For his graduate class, he took an incomplete, this after taking more than a full day off of work to write a paper he didn't touch, him taking time from me yet spontaneously inviting me to do things while he's supposed to be doing his paper, him not even going to church - all for naught. Well, worse than naught because he has one semester to make up a paper and a final, so it won't be ending any time soon.
He's very good at spinning his wheels and I refuse to feel responsible. Norma told me the other day that I'm enabling him, in part because Friday night I stayed up all night - not having sex for the last time in weeks - but wrapping his kids' presents and packing his kids' clothes. What was he doing as I wrapped? He was not washing clothes, packing, or preparing for his pre-dawn flight. No. He was writing Xmas cards, something he could have done with his half day of flying the next day, but he insisted that flying is for sleep. Sometimes we literally are not on the same page. In this case, I feel ashamed that I completely decorated his apt, put up his tree, and wrapped all his gifts over the last few weeks when I have not done one of these things for my son here. Guilt.
Bottom line is that we have very similar personalities and, to boot, I think he's ADHD like me. One in a relationship is weird enough.
I'll be patient until the holidays are over and his kids are gone; maybe he can prove himself. Remember how bad it was last year around here? I want calm, even if it has a small price. I'm not going to do like I did about four years ago; I'd been dating a guy maybe two weeks and talked to him February 13 to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore. He told me to enjoy the flowers I'd be getting the next day. ba dum bump I don't have to be quite as decisive like my mom this go around.
Exasperated, she told him this weekend that she already had two husbands that did nothing but sit on the couch and she'd be damned if she was going to go through that again. Apparently in three weekends, they'd gone out to eat once, ordered in once, and sat on the couch the rest of the time.
When he played the "I had open heart surgery last year" card, she told him that it merely confirmed that they want to/are able to do different things.
All I can say is that maybe some warning was in order, as I don't have the impression she tried to talk to him directly about this ahead of time. That's not to say they didn't talk, because she'd emailed me previously that they spent hours each night on the phone and she signed up for call waiting just because of him. I guess they didn't talk very constructively. And I guess that allowed him to sit on the couch during phone calls more than she would have preferred, sort of setting a precedent for when she was there.
The guy, an Egypt1an, rather exotic for her, plead with her about maintaining a friendship, but she is of the same mind set as me there: nope, over is over. I do wish she'd reconsider, as I believe they had a lot in common.
So my mother is single again after over a month. And she's asking me when I'm going to dump mine.
Mine is trying, but there's a lot of substance there. He is a genuinely good person with a moral backbone much like mine. He is overly patient, too, which leads us to trouble when he is overly patient with his ex-wife.
I think he creates day-to-day drama and he's been put on notice about that. After his kids are gone in January, classes are over, and peak time at work is through, if he keeps up with the scurrying about like henny penny with no time or focus, then he is history.
I hate more than anything feeling like I am in the way or hindering someone's productivity, yet I hate to cede the way for someone not using their time well. For his graduate class, he took an incomplete, this after taking more than a full day off of work to write a paper he didn't touch, him taking time from me yet spontaneously inviting me to do things while he's supposed to be doing his paper, him not even going to church - all for naught. Well, worse than naught because he has one semester to make up a paper and a final, so it won't be ending any time soon.
He's very good at spinning his wheels and I refuse to feel responsible. Norma told me the other day that I'm enabling him, in part because Friday night I stayed up all night - not having sex for the last time in weeks - but wrapping his kids' presents and packing his kids' clothes. What was he doing as I wrapped? He was not washing clothes, packing, or preparing for his pre-dawn flight. No. He was writing Xmas cards, something he could have done with his half day of flying the next day, but he insisted that flying is for sleep. Sometimes we literally are not on the same page. In this case, I feel ashamed that I completely decorated his apt, put up his tree, and wrapped all his gifts over the last few weeks when I have not done one of these things for my son here. Guilt.
Bottom line is that we have very similar personalities and, to boot, I think he's ADHD like me. One in a relationship is weird enough.
I'll be patient until the holidays are over and his kids are gone; maybe he can prove himself. Remember how bad it was last year around here? I want calm, even if it has a small price. I'm not going to do like I did about four years ago; I'd been dating a guy maybe two weeks and talked to him February 13 to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore. He told me to enjoy the flowers I'd be getting the next day. ba dum bump I don't have to be quite as decisive like my mom this go around.
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