Eva's thoughs on giving it a try

I discussed a recent conversation with Ruby about people turning a new leaf when that very special someone comes along. Now I'll discuss a conversation with Eva, who has a different take. She's into poly-amory, except she's singular about it. She has a boyfriend who has a wife who knows and accepts. I don't know if he has other girlfriends. I think he would like me to be a girlfriend. I'm not so sure about the idea to say the least.

On the one hand, it seems complicated. On the other, it is simpler - you get what you get when you can and for ever long as possible. You love someone and wish them to enjoy their life.

I cannot fathom putting someone else's happiness about his multiple partners over my petty jealousy. Is that short sighted on my part?

Do you know anyone living this lifestyle? It kinda makes sense given my track record - if they're gonna cheat, might as well know about it and make it legal. And if I only have specific times off, no need to have a 24/7 boyfriend untended.

Please come out of the woodwork on this or email me privately.

Perhaps an answer

I finally started the antibiotic for BV yesterday; this spontaneous recurrence is a pain. Wish I had the other cause; it sure would be more fun.

I've been awake for hours because of the severe, bone shaking night sweats. I am about tired of drenched body and sheets (since December, I think? I was on antibiotics then, too), but maybe this time it was a backlash to the antibiotics, so actually a good thing. We'll see how it goes this week. I got the seven day regimine this time.

More later.

BTW, I was stealing bandwidth for my cricket box in the About Me. I guess they were on to it over the weekend. Sorry hosting people in Denmark. Now I've just outright "borrowed" the image. Don't know which is better or worse.

I have other images in the hopper, even ones I've taken. Maybe I'll switch to one of those. Or maybe one of my own paintings, although none are particularly cricket-y.

Ruby's philosophy on giving it a try

I have a friend, Ruby, in the singles group who keeps trying to get me to give guys a try. I like Ruby. She's good for a laugh.


This 'trying' includes the one-night-stand guy she had last spring, who actually did linger some, but who showed up an an event she was meeting him at... with another date. It mortified her. She was hurt. And I know one other woman who Mark also broke her heart, so although I've had a nice conversation with him recently, I will categorize him as not my type, even though he's lovely to chat with and is a big, strapping guy like I like.


Same goes with another guy, Jim, who Ruby went out with (and also slept with - I am realizing I am rather chaste) as did the leader of the singles group, Lara. The ladies didn't know each other yet, but he found them both over the holidays. They weren't committed, so nobody was double dipping, yet he he was true to form as he seems to weasel in and out of people's lives, only to show up again later.


This guy, who I've never met, is tall with red hair, just my type. I was interested five years ago when Jim first emailed me. Then he darted out, my take on it being him finding a relationship. Over the past five years since, he's emailed me once or twice a year, seemingly forgetting that he's emailed me before and sending the same generic email message. In fact, he emailed me over the holidays when he was, um, so active with my friends. He emailed me again last week, so I figure his glut at work or his mini-relationship in the mean time is over. Besides at the beginning years ago, I have not responded to him. I don't figure he's the one for me when he can just send the same email over and over, not remembering me. I really wanna get laid, but not that bad.


We have another friend, Lucy, who's gotten the same emails, but never met him.

I think Ruby thinks that some guy is going to find the love of his life and suddenly straighten up. Do you see P's new wife (BTW, HB #46 next week, Shancy. I sure would like your birthday card to be full of goodigoodness and facts not known by you, so you don't make it to your first anniversary in October - sorry, a little meanness slip) make him not drink and give him the incentive to not cheat on her, either? Do you think Luke's new chick wasn't given the 'what for' about talking to other men while he simultaneously maintained multiple email relationships? Do you think ex's new wife has him being uninhibited and actually interested in the bedroom?

Nope, any changes are temporary. Ruby believes real change is possible and virtually spontaneous. My therapist remarked to me about her, "And you thought you were naive!"


Well, Ruby had a conversation with Ted the other day at a party while I was in FL. In the past she's said that she and Lucy both think he's "swarmy," whatever that means. Surprising herself, she related to me last weekend that he actually seems pretty normal and conversational, nice to talk to even. She wasn't trying to pave the way for herself to date Tou-pe Top Ted (as Lucy calls him), she was trying to point me his way, thinking he's really stuck on me the way he acts.


I told her that he kissed me the last time he saw me (she'd left the patio party before it happened) and she asked again if we'd dated, just like when I'd first told her about him last Spring. I lied and said we didn't. It is the truth as it was more FWB than traditional dating, seeins how I paid and all. I can't think of us dating.


However, Ruby firmly believes that people are cut out for each other and you never know who that will be, perhaps even your own or your friends' cast off. Sounding very pessimistic, I counter that by saying that I learn my lesson and don't keep trying to reinvent the wheel with guys like Mark or Jim or with someone I know better like Ted. I will always find him selfish, cheap, and neglectful of his mother and his lover, because I am very sure he didn't learn anything from our foray. No old dog, new trick thing possible.


But I sometimes do want to get laid bad enough for a repeat lay, as I make my therapist's toes curl in recoil. Just wish it could be with someone who wouldn't get more stuck on me in the process. I deserve to misbehave sometimes.


Besides, he does have beautiful eyes that twinkle so.

[Didn't mean to make you throw up.]

Thanks, Oro

I have BV again - third time in 18 months - and I blame Oro this time.

The doctor's office called in a script for me, but they weren't clear, so the pharmacist wouldn't fill it, then couldn't get anyone on the phone.

At first I was antsy about it. Then I remembered the brunch on Sunday for which I am in charge of the Bloody Marys.

This antibiotic means no alcohol.

Fuck it. I'll start it on Monday.

No problem, Oro.

Interspecies comedy

These two were like a comedy duo to me.

Let's hang.


How's it going?


Just what is occupying you so completely, Mr. Crane?


Doh! I give up.

Getting colder

Closing in on the Arctic





Puffin

Howard, the Magelleanic Penguin with the Smooooth Disposition

J petting Howard

Another Arctic Friend, a Chin Strap Penguin

Also apropos

For the nay sayers

;~p

our header friend is a Great Green Bush variety of Cricket.

Enough said...

except if I were to use a grasshopper photo, it would be this one.

except doing this has flushed 'em from the bushes. Thanks for showing up. And, Nita, I didn't even know you were blogging again. I guess I have some archives to read about the princess.

What else we did on summer vacation

View from our Shamu Rocks Dinner Buffet - the food both nights for both special dinners was excellent. I highly recommend eating at the park. The second dinner was the Polynesian night with some very hunky dancers. Yum. So sad I didn't bring my camera to that.

Shamu really does rock. There's a guy diving off of him.






I don't have a picture of her, but one mother Orca had a baby trying to keep up, darting along side her for the whole performance. When the mother would go up for a big splash, the baby would do a wee little one. C-U-TEEEEE!

Almost as cute as this guy, who was having a blast...

Last but not least, we went to the Salvador Dali Museum in St. Pete. I got in a treat for me! In fact, my mother said she came away with a new appreciation. J came away bored, but the next day he dug around for the book I'd purchased so that he could show his step brother some painted image tricks.


I am a champion tour guide.

Customizing

Check out the modification.

So, how do I center the picture? I know how to make the text follow it over, I think. Or maybe not.

Also, does anyone have a program to put extender bars on the cricket picture? Something to make it wider?

Any other suggestions?

I need to figure out how to put the sidebar crap back in. Cannot get it to work. Hopefully Rom Darling will figure it out for me.

FYI, I am using a cricket box as my About Me now. Somehow I felt it appropriate.


ETA: I was able to change the header background and it looks similar to what I wanted. If anyone has any other ideas, let me know. My patience for this kind of stuff is low, but this was relatively easy - with Ron's help anyway.

New look

I want a new blog look. My three year anniversary is coming up in a mere two months. I want to look different by then, shake this old green.

Suggestions?

Who did yours or helped you do it?

How much does something like that cost?

Large landed mammal

This place was gorgeous. The tack room gleemed. It was a supurb place to visit after going to the "Hospitality House" aka beer fest. Thank goodness for Amber Boch, some A-B beer with some color.

Clydesdale Stables

Petting a Giant.

Four weeks! Can you believe it?

We interrupt this SeaWorld series

to proclaim the brilliance of my son, now proved empirically.

He got his third grade state tests and he scored in the exceptional range for all four categories. Remember how much I pushed him to study the tests online? Well, he had it in him.

At the end of school, he was finally chosen for the gifted program in math for next year, but this proves he should go for reading as well. (What a statement for a kid who struggled so two years ago!) Or instead of the pull out version of gifted, he should be in the big gun immersion classroom and get it all the time, to include history/social studies and science (100% on that one!)

Now I have the numbers in my clammy little hands. The principal needs to watch out for Mom on a Mission!

Under water

Dophin at play.

Manatee outdoors.

Manatee with puppy dog eyes inside.

Manatee with puppy dog eyes inside, 2.

Blue Horizon, the Dolphin and Whale Show

















For the number of pictures I got that were just the large after splashes, I am surprised at how many good ones I got.

SeaWorld: First Installment

Entry Lighthouse

Flamingos

One of Three Pelicans, so funny to watch. Love the pattern in the sand.

First Animals Touched: String Rays

Second Animals Touched: Dolphin
I've always wanted to do an dolphin encounter and this was close to it.

Such a happy face.

They're easiest to touch if feeding. Some will talk to you as you feed. Later we fed the sea lions and the next day we fed the sting rays. (So much better than the petting zoo fare of a hand full of corn and some mammal slobber.)

Lined up for petting.

Later: Dolphin under the water and performing above, petting a penguin and a Clydesdale (touching animals three and four), sea lions, manatee, whales, and more.

I only took my camera in the first day and, while I don't regret the bulk, I wish we had pictures of petting the exotic birds (fifth animals touched) and seeing the Polynesian dinner performance.

Have you noticed?

It's a theme: going around to make up for one's sins of the past.

Earl Hickey = Jason Bourne

There you go.

When ya have three kids...

First off, our trip was very good. I've learned to ignore my mother's zingers, but I am only human. I'll post pictures of our trip later. SeaWorld is magical.

Leaving the airport, J, who had been very responsible which his luggage and mine, left his suitcase outside the car. It was discovered 45 minutes later and thank goodness I had my cell number on the tag. So the ride home was an hour and a half extra on stretches where you take your life in your hands. Gosh, I was pissed and frustrated and tired.

Ex called when we were almost home, saying he and his step father finished the fence. I had not expected the ex-ILs to extend their visit through Monday, so I figured J should spend the night over there in order to see them. We swung by to see my beautiful fortress of a fence and greet the cats who seemingly missed us, then on to ex's.

I'd planned on saying 'hi' to the ex-ILs and leave J. Nope. Not to be. In front of J, ex's wife said they're doing a combined birthday celebration and they'd like me to stay. I could not leave J's birthday celebration, even if it is a month early.

This is the first time I had to spend time with their daughter who is turning 2 and only the second time I've seen her face. The toddler decided she liked the new person and spent lots of time being flipped, danced, and man handled by me, just as toddlers like. My heart was simultaneously happy and broken. I cannot believe it's been two years. I cannot look back at my life then.

What I thought I was lured into, just a cake break, wound up being dinner prep, dinner, cake, and gifts. I do not like being in their house and have not been since the child was born. I do not understand how she could have my decorating covering her walls. There are the little Renoir/Cassatt repros from the National Gallery and my first visit to DC; everybody who saw them thought I'd gotten them for our first daughter's room, but I had no concept of wanting children then. There are the framed prints from my seashore indiscretions that ex doesn't know about. There are scads of large military prints that lined ex's and my walls. There's the watercolor that I painted. The list goes on to include gifts I gave ex for Xmas and birthdays, etc.

Odd. It's kind of like walking into a museum of my life. It's not like I have room for the stuff. I left it behind, but I am happier when I've forgotten about it.

Other things were ghosts of me. Their flatware was what I bought before I married ex, when I thought I was marrying my first Dutch boyfriend; I guess it was good stuff as it's been in use for over 20 years. I also ate off the glass plates that I bought in bulk for entertaining and she used the large matching bowl for salad. I sat next to the sideboard, my burl walnut piece that ex would not let me have when I moved out even though I was the one who bid and won it at an auction. I had to look at the Chippendale dining room cabinet I picked out at the antique store as well as the large gilt mirror I later bought at the same store.

The kickers penetrated deep.

Ex made a comment about their chairs, cheap Queen Annes, saying two are broken and glued together. Well, my mind rushed to the burl walnut set of mine, matching the above glorious side board, that he drug to the curb. Yes, drug my antique dining room set to the curb so he could sit on modern repro trash.

[As an aside, ex was recently picking up J and we had a conversation. The best man from both his weddings, who'd I'd mistakenly thought was my friend, too, now works for ex's new wife and travels considerably. Friend complained about being away from home for 11 months. Ex said he know how that was, how hard it was, how much you want to come home. I just had to stop him right there and remind him how he likes to travel, how he didn't want to come home. Because J was there, I didn't say how he deserted his wife and son in the process, but it's true. Anyway, me responding stopped him dead in his tracks. Good. And Friend was right. Ex has no idea of the misery, because ex likes buffets and happy hours and maid service too much.]

The other zinger I could not ignore came from his wife. Of course, I was trying to be complimentary and said that J always enjoys her cooking. She said she's a Food Network junkie, something I cannot fathom. Ex-MIL commented that she's always amazed at how quickly new wife can whip up a tasty dinner. New wife responded, "Well, when you have three kids, you learn to do it fast."

One of those kids is mine and he is not hers. She knows I'm infertile. She knew that would hurt. She's not the evil SIL, she's the evil new wife.

Besides, two of those kids are just there every other weekend. Mine is also there on Wednesday nights, yet all school year, he goes to scouts instead of thier home for dinner. Her comment holds no water.

I cringe that she gives herself so much credit on my kid while she is stupid enough to eat off of my plates and use my dowry flatware.

I will not say she isn't good to J, but I was sitting in their home that largely looked decorated by me (or, better said, my cast offs) and she dared to claim my son, too.

I gave no zingers back. I ate minimal dinner and cake. I just wanted out of there after a very long day and a week of me having to hold my tongue with my mother.

Forgive how boring this is, but I could hold my tongue no longer. I am tired of being polite. I hate being in a polite zone where I feel like I can't even defend myself.

I simultaneously crave being around people, yet hate it when I am.

I'll crawl back into my cave now.

As I clean off my camera's memory before our trip...

here are tree pictures from last week. You can plainly see the roots lifting, shadows beneath. This is evidence for the HOA in case they dispute my emergency status for hacking the tree.

It wasn't the most beautiful tree, but I liked it. I haven't taken post/comparison pictures yet.

The yard looks barren to me. Ha! Barren! From being too pregnant!

The stump was removed today. My, that was a scary machine. I guess the hysterectomy, so to speak, is complete.

For your reference, I'm waving at cha from the upper left window, the office. Hellooo!

On the far left, you can see the posts we had replaced. Now there's a fence in that section!

Here's hoping the egg shells aren't too deep

Will leave to visit my mother tomorrow. We are prepared. In fact, J is prepping me about how much he'll be smiling and hugging. Frequently and unabashedly.

I hope it's not a million degrees like it is here. We're still buying lumber and that is such a process. I had no idea that perhaps the worse part of building is the getting of supplies. Perhaps it is a little because I am a non-shopper these days, but I know it's because of the process of sticking stuff on the cart, getting stuff in the car, out of the car, and into the back yard - too many transitions.

Oh, but the fence is beautiful. Ex will work on it while we're gone, perhaps with his step father who will be visiting. That would be my ex step FIL; he loves to build stuff - as rickety as possible. I hope ex watches him closely.

Work and play well together?

Shinny brought up a point that I'd already been mulling over.


How well do you work with your SO?


When we were married, we did not work well together. Yelling would ensue and it'd get ugly. It was mostly my fault, I'll admit.


I remember my parents working together to tile bathrooms, paint, landscape, etc. There'd be ball busting, but they'd do good work. I remember her saying, however, that wallpapering is divorce-worthy. That's why I never tried wallpapering with ex. The irony is palpable.


Doing the fence, we were fine, until I got a bit snippy on the fourth day, Saturday morning. He laughed and pointed, saying he'd go work on the other side, but I got it together and straightened out my mouth and frustration. I felt that I wasn't being listened to regarding the tightness of the peek-a-boo boards (I wanted virtually no gaps and ex feared the HOA rules) -- I knew I would fend off the HOA if it came down to it. This is the end of the house with foot traffic from the poor neighborhood and the reason the mail has been stolen twice, bike stolen, stink bomb in the door, etc. Sore subjects. If the HOA did their job and put up a fence on the other end of the neighborhood, I would not have to build my own fortress. Or get made when ex didn't understand the significance.


So my frustration carried a lot of history, but he didn't tune into that. However, because I want the fence built, I am sucking it up. In fact, picky Norma comes by and critiques. I tell her I refuse to because he is being good to me. It looks perfect to me. I actually think Norma is jealous.


So, yes, ex and I are building a fence as a divorced couple. We could have never done it when we were married. Never.


On a funny note, my mother forced her second husband to redo bathrooms and such like they did in her first marriage. She was overheard more that once saying to the Lowe's guy or anyone else who would listen that her first husband was so much better at remodeling than her second. Nothing like providing some incentive ... for divorce!

The way it goes vs. the way I want it

Thanks for a few comments and some support. It feels very sad and lonely here when post after post receives no comments, particularly when there are a number of blogs that I respond on practically every post. I also want the conversational nature here which would lead to additional blog entries that aren't so me focused. I'd like things to be different and can only receive if I ask.

So, about last night...

You know how when your mate sticks out their lips in a pucker, your instinct is to pucker back in a quick kiss as you're on your way out the door?

Well, I fucking didn't expect that out of Ted as I was leaving Saturday night. He was standing by my stuff, so I had no choice but to go near him. When I was still across the room, it ran through my mind that I wasn't even going to hug him like I did all the other people at the cook out, but I got trapped. It wasn't a wet, sloppy, passionate kiss, however the naturalness of it is throwing me. And the publicness. We were in the kitchen with the rest of the stragglers and I'd just hugged the room, yet kissed him.

He was actually polite and mature all evening; even spoke nicely to Henry about his new house. I don't know what's gotten into him. It was sort of like the mature version I saw him transform into after he'd piss me off and make me irrational; him being mature is a manipulative upper hand, but he seemed humble this time. More together. More tolerable.

Although I would not have requested it, he stuck to me when he came to the party late, but that was logistical, as there wasn't any place else to sit. We caught up. It was nice having the fence building to talk about, as it wasn't something that was emotional or mattered. He spoke of his mother's dementia and how close she is to going to the nursing home. (I didn't say that she should have gone six months ago or that her violent and physical tirade from the day before was most likely pure frustration from him dicking her around.)

But to catch up, to be friendly on one level, then to have that go to a different (kissing) level (as I am not a general huggy/kissy person) upon leaving, well, I just hope he doesn't read anything into it. I kissed as a reflex, nothing more.

It did occur to me after I left that I want to email him to set him straight on how to keep up with a person, but I won't. (I love composing emails and blog entries in my head about what I'd like to say.) In our conversation early on, I mentioned that my grandmother died and he replied that he knew. I'd written it on the message board when a friend's grandmother died the next week, so I figured Ted would have read it there. He didn't contact me about that, even when he knew it was my third significant death in a few months, but he dared to text message me about July 4th and Wimbledon. I don't get it.

I want people to care about me, but is it wrong for me to want to be cared about in a certain way? Like when my grandmother died vs. being remembered during stupid day-in-a-life events? Does he really want brownie points for making contact? Then contact me at appropriate times. Oh, and paying me what he still owes would do wonders.

I don't know if he's stuck on me or what. I don't what to have to go through this exposure for every event. I want him to be my acquaintance, not my friend.

At least I did meet some other people at the cook out and there were lots others that I knew. After some chairs cleared, one friend invited me over to sit near her, as she knew a little about the Ted situation. It was fun sitting there with the girls, even though Ted followed me over to the chair on the other side. In trying to keep some distance, I never talked to him there, but I know my friend noticed how he followed me.

Oh, this shit plays with my mind. And it will happen every event we're both attending. I've already told him off. I don't want to dredge up hard feelings again by being mean.

Resolve: I need to find some other guy to date and scare him off.

My week

I chose to email Chris and got one in return the same day. He's freaked about work. He says he doesn't mind that he wasn't chosen to be boss, but he thinks the guy they chose is wholly inadequate, particularly in the realm of negotiating for raises with management. He is also in turmoil that his ex is moving out of state and they have a lot to straighten their affairs before she leaves. Further, many of his AA cronies seem to be in crisis. In the first line of his message, he called himself Mr. Disappearing Act and he's right. I think it's time to play Ms. Disappearing Act. He's being stupid and can't take a corrective hint; he's just not ready. I believe he stays in a tizzy and there's no room for me there, although he definitely thinks he's ready to date. So much for a dash of normalcy in his life. Poor guy. I would have been good for him.

For my birthday, I joined a dating site. I emailed two men and heard from one. We'll see.

I'm going to a singles cook out tonight and I think it'll bring my own brand of drama. I'm sure Ted will be there and I anticipate being picked on just as the braided school girl gets her pig tail dipped in ink by the immature boy seeking attention. I will try to calmly avoid him like I tried to last time, but I don't anticipate it working. Also, the guy friend Ted broke up with because of politics will definitely be there. Although I'm not sure if Ted knows it yet, Henry bought a grand new house very close to Ted, as if Ted wasn't already jealous enough of Henry and his toys.

And to what's mainly been occupying me...my fence. Last Friday when ex was picking up our son for the week, I asked if he had a post hole digger. The HOA cited me to repair my fence by mid August. I was going to do a temporary yet sturdy fix like I'd done to a couple other posts. With ex, the concept evolved into a full fledged fence. He had the week off for vacation, then cancelled their plans for lack of funds, so he was free. I have an end unit townhouse, so there's a decent amount of fence. We're about 2/3 finished. All the posts are in - with 80lbs of concrete per hole no less. This fence will withstand a Category 5 hurricane.

The day we began the fence I discovered something that breaks my heart a bit. I went to turn on the spigot to mix concrete and noticed the ground was spongy. Then I noticed daylight UNDER the roots of my apple tree. My wonderful, aged, despised-by-the neighbors source of shade and privacy was so laden with fruit that it was uprooting itself tilting over. I cleared the parking lot near it, called the HOA to tell them I had an emergency situation and was reminded again how their thumb is up their ass, finally found an outfit at 2pm that would do a same day inspection, and lucked into them cutting it down with full clean up by 7pm. Amazing turn of events. Good thing for the refi to cover the fence and the tree. Stump comes out next week. Total:$425, not bad actually considering how it could have gone with it being a homeowner's claim and put upon neighbors with dented cars. As it stands, my living room is receiving much needed additional light, but I'd much prefer the tree. I miss my tree. It looks ghetto outside being so flat and barren.

So how have you been? I would love to hear as summer winds down.

One other thing, another bit that breaks my heart a little. If I feel like I am continuing this conversation alone, as I do not find it satisfying to talk to myself, I will stop blogging soon. I am almost to that point now, only posting once each week. Thanks to the two or three of you who do comment out of my three or four dozen subscribers. Kisses.