Better off dead

About the P post and missing him, to clarify, I am not generally wallowing in sadness. I mostly miss my friend and the things we did together. I sort of celebrate that by acknowledging those things and not being angry anymore.

I finally confided in Norma about it this evening. Even more pragmatic than I, she thinks I have elevated him to being dead.

In her online singles dealings, she finds that the divorced guys are angry and bitter, basically hating women. Opposite this, the widowed guys all had married saints on pedestals, the loves of their lives.

Makes sense to me. I probably love P now more than I did six months ago, because I do not have to focus on the crap. Norma's right. I have to keep reminding myself that P is dead to me. And remember there were many things I didn't like, but do this without getting angry again.

Great plan. Easy plan. Yeah.

While J was with his dad this evening, I began to call Mr. X, who I will call Tom. As it turns out, ex need to bring J back and this happened as I was about to dial. It took a lot for me to get to that point, as I'm not really a phone person, but I'm proud that I tried again later after I sent J to be babysat by the TV.

There was no answer, but that may have been because I used the *67 thing and came up as Scary Anonymous Caller Who Wants to Sell Tom Something. So, I left a brief message, told him my name for the first time, and said I'd call back. I hope to do that tomorrow, if I can get my nerve up.

I also told Norma about Tom tonight. In our extended conversation Norma exclaimed that Tom doesn't stand a chance with the ghost of P. It is food for thought, as I figure I have progressed a long way in getting over P, am done with anger, need to be done with lamenting. I figure a diversion might help, although I do not want a big deal of a diversion. A simple diversion. That might be alright.