I read a blog about relationships called What's Love Got To Do With It? Modobs interviews people having varied opinions about sex, love, and dynamics, then asks our opinion. It's a nice place to be bitter so I don't save it all for you folks here.
The last couple posts have brought something to light, pieces of the puzzle fitting together.
In My way, she talked about control, to include sexual, and ultimately asks:
So, do you prefer when you have the control of the situation in your relationship? And for the men reading this, do you mind if your partner take charge of everything?
I want to be heard and listened to, sometimes taking the lead in a partnership, but not being in charge. I don’t want that much responsibility; I prefer teamwork.
But I do want to be on top, though. heh
All true and very hard to find. Either people want to relinquish control to Mommy (P) or get off on control, like I am beginning to believe about Glenn.
Today's Once I wanted to be the greatest brought up the idea of confidence and when your performance (speech, date...) fails you. She asks, "So, have you ever felt disappointed by a date where you had great expectations but didn’t turn exactly like you were planning?" This triggered another dynamic with Glenn, which I explored:
Just this week, I had a date that I put an end to early. He's a nice man, but I think he's a workaholic and I have concluded he is boring and rarely makes me laugh. He's not good at lively conversation, so he depended on me for it. Several times on our two dates, the conversation would settle and an instant later, not even long enough for things to continue on a natural course, he'd say, "And what else?" I felt like I was on a stage tap dancing, having to pull all the conversational weight and extract his dry comments from him. No wonder I called off the date early. I was tired from all that weight.
I distinctly remember thinking that I was too unfocused and tired to be good company anymore. Of course, I blame myself too often, as he should have been doing more. He wasn't carrying his weight and I was leading everything per his desires, which is in essence controlling me. Conversation wasn't a partnership. I would lead, he would follow, and he would get impatient when I finished leading. I think he wants a wind up doll to entertain him. I can do that some, but I can't keep it up. I want to laugh (besides at my own jokes) and be entertained, too. It should be reciprocal.
In yet another case of extreme analysis, I have come to a conclusion that brings me full circle on my thought processes. I have to know "why," whether it applies to me or another party. So I guess I figured out why he's not clicking with me. I think I must like working on mental puzzles like this.
Last evening, my neighbor with the IVF twins called to see if I could babysit Saturday night. She and her husband have not had a date night since last summer, before he was deployed. I kind of joked that I maybe-sorta have a date, but he's lax on confirming, so bag it. It actually feels good to be doing something productive with my time.