In order to get my life moving along, a while back I decided to contact my lawyer about taking back my maiden name. Have any of you done that? I'd contemplated it for a long time and finally decided that the change would be good for my psyche; it would put the men in my past farther in the past; it didn't really matter if my son and I have the same surname; and hey! I have the time to do it now sans relationship. Most importantly, I would become a virgin again. [Okay, I'm fibbing there.]
It's been twenty years since I had this name, one that screams ethnicity and tradition to me. I love my maiden name. As expected, I have made mistakes introducing myself. I did the same when I got married and I guess I finally feel officially unmarried. I have come full circle.
I've been in the process of notifying all the many appropriate authorities, institutions, and dives. Remember, I'm not so good with paperwork, deadlines, stamps, envelopes, legalese, or anything resembling a job. I am waiting for the especially frustrating change exchange to occur, but it blessedly hasn't happened yet. [Did I say blessedly?]
It is a lot of work, just as much as I expected and the very reason I'd put it off, but I am feeling good about being my old self again. Although I know this will be a long process and new yet forgotten reasons to submit changes will continue to come up, I guess I'm losing some baggage that has stretched out over a long time in the process.
Someone once commented to me how odd it is to remarry and keep a first husband's surname, but how common that is. I always knew that if I remarried I would go back to my maiden name rather than take a new one.
Ever prepared, I will be ready if the opportunity presents. Prepared, that is, to not have to change my name ever again.
Certainly not for a man.
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6 comments:
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When I got divorced I thought long and hard about taking back my maiden name. My maiden name is well known where I come from - many of my family members have held elected offices - having it back and being "known" again would be good. But the more I thought about it - my married name was very uncommon and my kids have it. If I changed my name back, they would still have their name and no parent associated to that name. That was why I ultimately choose to keep it, I didn't want anyone questioning who my kids belonged too.
When I got remarried - I worried about changing my name for those exact same reason. I asked the kids what they thought about it and they both said that they didn't have any problem having a different last name than me. They thought I should take The-Husband's name and so I did. It's all a matter of personal choice I guess.
I don't want my maiden name but I don't want my ex-husbands name either.
I think I need a new name.
I knew a woman who made up a name and had her last name changed to it. It meant something like basketweaving goddess or something. *shrug*
I hyphenated my name cyzz my ex-husband's is SO common. I mean, seriously, how many flippin Jones's are there in the world?! Ugh. I had the option to drop that part of my name, but I kept it. I remember not having the same name as my mom and having to explain over and over why. I also remember when people would call her about me, they'd call her Mrs. Brite'slastname and she would get pissy! I figure that even though it's more common now to have a child and parent with different last names, I kinda like having the same one as my son.
So, there's all those reasons, but what it really breaks down to is one thing. I am LAZY. LOL
When I divorced TJ's dad, I kept his name, so I would keep the same surname as TJ. When Bob and I got married, there was no question in my mind that I'd take his last name. Both times, when I changed my name, I took my maiden surname as my middle name, so I will always have it.
It annoys the snot out of me now, when someone from the school calls me Mrs. Ex's surname, and I usually correct them, and get to listen them stammer an apology. But darn it, it's right there in the paperwork that they have to look up my phone number with.
Oh, and thanks for the comment on my blog. We *didn't* have a great evening, and it's going to be a long weekend. :-(
I posted all about it, so feel free to pop back over and read, if you have a long stretch of time to kill...
When I was married for-a-minute-by-mistake years ago, I reluctantly took on his surname. Even bigger mistake than the frigging marriage was! The minute we separated, I saw my lawyer about taking my maiden name back and immediately began using it again, even though it wasn't legal to do so for a year. However, it continues to haunt me at the most inopportune moments...at retail stores where we had credit; random phone calls from telemarketers (I usually say "you're looking for Mrs K? I'm sorry. She's dead"); but the worse one? When HB and I went to check into the fertility clinic - the admissions clerk actually asked me "was your former surname K?" When I took his surname, I had no problem at the bank, getting a passport etc. When I went back to my maiden name? I had to stand on my head to get it recognized at these same places and paid way more money than using his name for a few minutes by mistake was ever worth.
But you know what? I didn't hesitate for one second to take HB's name. From the minute he asked me to marry him, his name fit with me. That other one never ever rolled off my tongue, or my friends' tongues, easily. My current name fits like a glove - just like my love. Awwww....I'm making myself sick with all this sweetness ... lol
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