I've had a number of revelations besides the smoking in the car, but I'll save those for later. I want to get beyond this sooner rather than later, but I do have some things yet to say here. Later. Fun first.
I once had a behavioral psychology professor who, true to his profession, had the mantra, "Change your behavior, change your mood."
For 25 years, this has served as my bootstraps when I need to get myself going. I will force myself to do something and am usually the better for it.
I shared this philosophy with Ted on Friday. We'd talked a little about going to a gathering on Saturday night all week, but he in particular was on the fence. I knew I needed to get out of the house for my state of being. The mantra made good sense to him, too, so he changed his mind.
Dancing, drinking, and socializing were necessary and they worked so well. I had a blast. I drove, so I didn't drink very much. I even got Ted to dance, he on the non-dancing variety unless he's very drunk and he wasn't even drunk either. I danced with others, met new. It was lively and fun.
Because we arrived together, everybody thought Ted and I were on a date. I told a few people we weren't, but it wasn't a real big deal. I wasn't looking for anything.
I wore something uncharacteristic for me. Actually I wore it in an uncharactistic way - my red blouse unbuttoned to show cleavage. Man, that was fun. Overall, I felt like I looked great. In fact, as Tom and I were talking to the longterm boyfriend of another friend, we discussed music. I said I listen to classic rock, but I really need an update on more modern rock groups. (Suggestions? They said Ni.ckleback and Cree.d.) He made some comment about me being a classic rock poser, me being 24 and all. I made him repeat himself, because I could not believe what I'd heard. Then his jaw dropped.
Pretty cool. I needed my ego stroked.
Speaking of which, Ted had an attractive friend, Marie, there and he talked to her a bit while I was talking to someone else. He respects her very much as together and level-headed. Some time during the night, she deliberately came up to Ted to tell him how hot I am. Me? Hot? It was the baring red blouse, but I'll take it. Later, as she was leaving, despite us not being introduced and with everybody always hugging each other bye, she hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You have the best booty in the place."
Stroke that ego baby!
Apparently she changes teams at will.
(Baggage, quit your smiling!)
And she dug me. Gives me a smile when I need one, if nothing else comes of it.
Ted said he'd facilitate if he could watch. Of course.
On the way home, I agreed to go over to Ted's to drink some Capt Mor.gan since I didn't get to drink much at the bar. I had no intentions, but you know me. I am just so comfortable with him. Apparently he needs medication and didn't have any, but even without what I crave the most, I had one of the best evenings ever. I still haven't slept and I never even drank my Capt Mor.gan.
Before, during, after, we talked a lot about ruining our friendship, as I do enjoy him as a person very, very much. He listens and provides honest feedback, very funny, even caustic sometimes in a good way. We have so many mutual quirks - he's also AD.HD with a messy house, for example.
I never thought of him as sexy, didn't think in those terms really, although I always (as usual) talk about sex. I told him that I feel such a rapport with him, have since day one, that I value it and don't want to mess it up.
Although I didn't say it, we all know that, after the fact, I always hate the guys I dated.
Now, however, I see a tender side to him. And a hungry side. He didn't want to turn out the light, because he wanted to see me. He, the Breast Man, spoke in amazement, "You have great tits!" Over and over. Me! Of the tit paranoia! His hands played me as if we were practiced. I like guys who worship the female form over worshipping their own orgasm. What a great way to have sex. Perhaps I'm a convert.
I am rather in shock. I made myself go out and karma served me very well. Allow it propel me a while longer.