Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A poll of sorts

It is evident that I've been in an evaluation mood, wondering what I can do differently in the future based on my new revelations about the past.

I've asked several people about trust and respect, wondering how it is either given or cultivated. For myself, I offer them quickly and that's how I wind up burnt. I give away power, love, respect, trust all too easily and at great cost.

I think answering the question is a gut reaction and the initial interpretation is what's important to me, not the analysis of the degrees of circumstances surrounding the words.

I first asked Ted, because I'd told him that I uncharacteristically respect him as a male, one who cares for his ill mother.

Do you respect and trust first, until someone proves you wrong? Or do you reserve trust and respect until someone earns it?

Ted felt strongly that lumping trust and respect together was wrong, that they are separate. He thinks he takes time to develop trust (something I would have guessed about him), but he lends respect until proven otherwise.

I asked my buddy Richard today by phone. He thinks Ted has it all wrong. He thinks he inately has to trust to function in society, sort of like thinking people are looking out for your back. However, respect must be cultivated and should not be given.

How do you operate? When do you trust or respect?

What other words/concepts besides trust and respect apply to this analysis?

7 comments:

Klynn said...

My definition of trust - to believe the best in others, that they will do the right thing. I trust easily and usually tend to believe the best in others until suspected and/or proven otherwise.

My definitions of respect - to show proper consideration and courtesy to others; to admire someone else's integrity or character. I tend to show respect to others easily. But to actually respect them as a person...that takes a while.

DD said...

Very good question.

I can respect someone w/o actually trusting them...but I don't think I could trust someone w/o respecting them first.

Well-heeled mom said...

For me, trust and respect both must be earned. Sometimes it never happens because I go on total gut instinct when I meet people and if I have bad feelings at the beginning, it's nearly impossible to change my mind.

Val said...

More food for thought! (good post)
& for me, it seems I am the opposite of Richard -- I treat folks w/respect (i.e. common courtesy & regard for their feelings), but my trust has to be earned... (probably too many years of being stiffed on vet-med bills)

Melissa said...

I believe most people are good. So I tend to trust people too soon. And yes I do get burned by this. You would think I would learn.

brite69 said...

I respect people until I'm proven wrong, but I find it insanely difficult to trust. I'm the person who always second guesses everyone and has a plan B in place just in case someone fails to do what they've said they were going to. I constantly think the worst of people until I feel they've proven me wrong. Not a real nice trait. :-/

One thing I've noticed with the guys I've dated is that they associate trust with jealousy. I don't get jealous easily. If a guy has a friend that's a chick, so be it. That doesn't mean that I trust the guy, though. Is that weird?

Cricket said...

Thanks so much for all your responses. They're all over the board, you diverse group, you.

Brite, I have always been trusting about my man with other women co-workers/friends. I have seriously contemplated that I should not be. Ex married a co-worker and that has niggled in my brain for years.

I guess in my brave new world, meeting up with an old HS friend would be frowned upon, too.

I'm in the twice burned, quadruple shy mode.