My concerns yesterday had good timing. Although I hoped the issue would be a non-issue when I got to the meeting, I got to consult my therapist about what I should say and how I did not want to look small or petty. She's a great sounding board and can get me to make my thoughts presentable.
In referring to sophisticated group dynamics studies, she said that the group is the thing, what should be respected and revered. The sanctity of the group is the primary goal, not the petty needs of a single member. There is a landslide effect when change happens for one and everybody wants to then affect some change in the future. There is less respect for the group, less cohesion and vestedness, so it is best to stay put, to keep the status quo.
She said he should have put the group first at the outset and denied any discussion at all. Nipped it in the bud. I tend to agree.
So I was prepared to talk about the group things first, then get personal and discuss visitation and legalities if need be. However all the preparation was for naught, as it was not even brought up. The den leader discussed the other items on his agenda, but not this. I don't think he forgot. I think he is a chicken shit face to face.
The next horizon, however, is for me to worry about this issue coming up at a meeting I am not attending and I don't get my say. Ex would get heated and go over the top, making threats he'd have to keep and generally muddying the pot.
Bottom line: Kids activities are a pain in the ass when they involve adults.