This blog is a confessional

A while back, I received one of those blogger awards that is presented from one blogger to another. It felt nice to be somehow included in the art blogging community.

Although I did pass it along to art bloggers I really admire and had followed for some time, I wondered what on my blog deserved the glowing description this mystery blogger gave. Off to the page meter I went and I found the source of my kudos: a series of pictures and posts I did about a famous blogger and workshop instructor I'd had.

Not a one of my paintings was even viewed!

He knew immediately

Last night, J was in his room and heard canned music coming from my office.

He called out, "Whose card is it?"

I think he's on to me.

BTW, it was for his cousin's birthday. I'm a sucker for some Marvin Gaye or KC in a greeting card.

Getting reacquainted

When I blogged for so long, my specific hub (or whatever) unfortunately would not allow blogging in advance for timed blog release. (Way back, Ron Southern explained it to me; it appears he passed over the summer and I have huge regrets that I wasn't able to communicate with him toward the end.)

My blogger also wouldn't allow for the email sending of blog entries. Heavens knows, that was before people did mobile blogging to any degree, so there are new levels of communication since then.

Now, I am hoping for emails and advanced blogging; this is my test.

I am lucky that my art blog allows for advanced composing and I use that often; it's been almost two years running over there and I blog once or twice a week at least. If I know you, I don't mind you checking it out.Often, I will make an entry about when a show opens and when the reception is, and then at the same time I will cut and paste to craft a post about when it ends. Sometimes that second entry is my personal reminder to go pick my paintings up! Very nice, I keep a number of entries in the hopper, waiting to be released.

Although yesterday Blogger gave me a lot of error messages as I traversed the site, it never altogether prevented anything, as it used to do. I am hoping it no longer prevents me from posting the emailed and timed ways I have mentioned. When it boils down to it, I have immensely appreciated having Blogger in my life.

As an additional note, I appreciated Bloglines, too. Google Reader isn't impressing me, so I sure would appreciate hearing of some alternatives or at least some tips. Funny, Bloglines just put on their website that the end is shifted from October 1 to November 1. I hate when my procrastinating is one upped somehow!

Edit:
One: it appears to have worked! Posting via email! Who else knew?

Two: between posting yesterday and today, my Feedburner dropped by 1/3. Either folks didn't want to hear from me again or they didn't like what I said. Or Feedburner continues to be psychotic. Regardless, it's time I write. There's a ton of stuff I cannot say on an art blog!

Three: I often think of the people in the computer and have for a long time. I have an awful habit of walking away from wonderful friends when I need to otherwise move on. I guess that's fodder for the future. I have developed a new island. I am no longer on (Secondary) Infertility Island, but I have not successfully entered the mainstream again yet. Even though I don't often get upset about it, I still cringe.

Been months

I've been trying for access to this blog for a long while. I finally stumbled upon the *right* help question at Google, as I'd been going in circles. My six year anniversary of blogging is coming up in a few weeks, but the real press this time was Bloglines shutting down in a few days and me reading thousands of blog entries recently.

Hello my people.

My Bloglines, which I had not checked in a few years, actually has 45 saved Chez Miscarriage posts, ending in 2005. What a treasure.

Life is going. From April until September, it was the hardest time I had ever had in my life. Ex tried to win custody of J, who just turned 13 this month and strangely in his pubescent haze suddenly has a say about custody - this after he purposefully ditch the sixth grade and had a frenzied and blamed mother as a result. I don't think ex expected me to fight, but I did. The first few months were on my own. I even submitted close to 400 pages of discovery. After that, Bea found me a lawyer who'd do it on the cheap. I worried about his thoroughness, although he did better after I politely jacked him up. Ex finally dropped the suit this month, supposedly, when J said he wanted to live with me. In my opinion, he actually dropped the suit after they contemplated the idea of me having a lawyer.

I think his goal was to no longer have to pay me.

Only a few in my life knew. Bea was helpful in some degree, although I always questioned why she couldn't just pay for me a real lawyer. This reduced rate guy ($2500 for all but discovery through trial) was actually more expensive than paying someone $300/hour or a $1500 retainer.

She has moved closer and is only about 30 minutes away as of this month. I'm still getting used to it, but parts are nice - quick dinner/movie, picking up or dropping off art in her area, etc.

I went to my hometown in August. My father, who is still cheap as ever and never offered me a cent in the lawsuit, scheduled a clean up date for my grandmother's house; she's in a nursing home and it's been sitting. All that was left was going to Good Will, so I picked up some little china pieces I wouldn't have otherwise gotten. It was the first time I'd seen my sister or father since my grandfather's death four years ago.

Overall, things went well, despite the personalities involved, mine included. What it reminded me of was a positive part of my upbringing. For example, it takes all I have not to correct Bea's Ghetto "English" in her speech and writing. Now I remember why. My father isn't wealthy or upper crust (they do very well now, though), but he has a being around him that I also have. It isn't a snottiness, but it is a sense of propriety that definitely comes through in my writing. He spoke of trying to get his community college students to speak Business English and I guess he's in an appropriate environment to make that demand. I am not. I couldn't get Bea to speak, write, or dress in a genteel fashion if I tried. And I have, just a little.

She took offense over a year ago when I asked her to not wear t-shirts with writing across her big boobs around me. I was trying to politely guide her into stepping up her wardrobe, but she then just wore plain t-shirts instead. In the last six months, she went back to dressing with writing across her large chest. At least that is usually spelled right. I wish she weren't incapable of dressing nicely, but that is merely a symptom.

Many in my life doubt her money and she sure doesn't pony up for me. However, she is so frugal, she doesn't pony up for herself either.

So, I as thinking in terms of looking for an outlet for educated and genteel folk so I can feed that side of me, because my ever loving therapist swears they're out there waiting for me for life and love. You'd think Art would do that for me, as I am very active in the Arts, but I do not have connections in the next level of Arts and most of what I do is with other artists, not collectors.

I am in that land between the wealthy/educated/genteel and the laid back/curse-filled/redneck, my feet in each camp, although the second camp is more likely to accept me. Of course, I accept both sides fully, I just have been reminded where I came from and it doesn't seem like that bad of a place. I would like to step myself up and join the first camp in my own right. And maybe I would feel comfortable going back to my roots. Not to offend anyone from any camp, but I realize I've been on a slide.

Aren't you lucky to have such a wordy piece of navel gazing as my first post in seven months? I hope I'm back.