Friday, November 19, 2004

Serena: too nancy to be a boy, too studly to be a girl

Give it a rest, Serena.

You are a tennis player. You only think you're a fashion maven.

Did you hope that the exposed nips would lend you additional (un)coverage, you needy attention-seeking freak?

I'm not alone in my reaction. Here is a rather entertaining foray into the world of Serena's tits, nips, and areolae, from which I must borrow this ditty:

Serena: You know Venus, I think dad is giving us hormones or something.
Venus: Why do you say that?
Serena: I'm growing hair in places where I shouldn't have hair!
Venus: Like where?
Serena: My balls...

Doesn't she look more like a t-girl than anything else? And I don't mean tennis-girl.

"Rupaul makes a more convincing chick," a basher notes. I'll add, "even in fucking wax, dude!"

(In the interest of fair and balanced reporting, I need to include another WTA player particularly deserving of the description t-girl, or perhaps more like l-boy. She's butch. She's earned it. She's proud.)

With my extensive and exhaustive research for this piece (as it should be elevated well beyond mere 'post' status), I find that Serena has done the 'oh so sexy and sheer' thing before. She likey showy titties. I'm sure she'll do it again. She is enamored with herself.

To Serena, I cry, "For the love all that is sacred, you are a tennis player AND a Jehovah's Witness! Remember from whence thee came, ho."

Encouraging to me, at least something of her upbringing remains. She portrays pure and pious with aplomb, keeping her religious roots fresh indeed. In fact, she herself states, "We don't believe in dating unless you're ready to get married. I've never dated anybody. It's good to get experience under your belt but you should never get wild or go crazy. That's how I look at it. If I can't see myself with this person for life - I can't be bothered. I can't waste my time. I have some really good men friends but I believe in no sex before marriage. No fornicating." The vision of chastity, she certainly sounds like she has all her priorities straight.

However, I must plead, "Lindsey, you're #1 again and at the top of your game. Please don't retire. Women's tennis needs your wise, gentle repose. Tennis can't bear to lose both you and Todd in the same year."

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