Sunday, November 23, 2008

Got your own back, Sista?

While you are chewing over the XBox vs. Wii debate, consider something else.

Besides packing and fearing my pastels will be dust upon arrival in CA, a strange drama has unfolded.

Last Monday or so, a woman on a dating website started a new thread saying she was disappointed in a man with whom she'd been emailing. He finally said he wasn't interested several days after she divulged that she has a bipolar 14yo son. I've seen plenty of posts about this boy in the past - he's stayed in residential facilities, she hasn't worked in the last year in order to care for him, she moved back to live by her parents so that he'd get care. Okay, the kid is troubled.

Anyway, she posted that the man dumped her because of her bipolar son. During the course of the threads with little details she'd dropped, I realized that the man was someone who'd I'd also been talking to and he seemed like a very responsible father. He seemed honest and forthcoming, a good guy. She, on the other hand, was prone to hyperbole, or that was my opinion in the past.

I responded on that thread that I'd done my bit with a troubled teen and I sure would think twice about doing it again. Maybe the guy was saying that out of experience. Mostly I was thinking that she was being a martyr playing the sick kid card and he had plenty of other reasons to reject her.

He and I were scheduled for lunch on Saturday. We had a good time. At one point I brought up the post. The post was created in a pwp woman's section which is for girl's only, but I felt that it was appropriate to discuss it, b/c it related to a guy that I had a date with and I felt that we could discuss it in an adult fashion.

As I had suspected, he said he discontinued with her more b/c he was not attracted to her - she is not h/w proportionate at all, but her picture is creatively cropped; he got a fully body picture of her to realize that. He said it wasn't b/c of her son, but she went there with him in emails. He'd merely said that he understood she had her hands full with him. Anyway, she went off and he felt her unstable, something he'd already sensed. A few days later, he considerately emailed her and asked if she was doing alright. He got a terse, "I'm fine," and that was all.

I believed him, b/c I feel like he is genuine and a good father. I do not believe her b/c I have doubted her stories before. I think she embellishes an element and completely leaves out pertinent details, then tries to garner support. She also dropped entirely too many details in her post and made it too easy for me to figure out. That's her bad.

Well, I thought the guy was okay. However, he goes home from lunch and emails her to quit talking about him. Oy! Talk about stabbing me in the back!

She then starts another thread in this pwp girl's only section, saying there's a rat amongst the group who is blabbing details. It's become a witch hunt with the posts, because someone supposedly betrayed something confidential pertaining to the sisterhood.

First, I already had little respect for this woman. Second, me having a conversation about her thread was not to badmouth her; it was to interview this guy I had a date with. Third, I am absolutely positive that others discuss things within this email group with other members.

According to some, the rat is an unconscionable attention hog, which is funny b/c the rat hasn't spoken. Others say the rat is catty - as if this (sorry) whale of a woman (very Catholic, very martyry, very repressed) were even in the same category of a person as me.

I'm usually the upstanding type claiming what I should, but I do not feel like being ostracized over either of these two. I was justified in having a conversation about something that pertained to me - as in, if he didn't like bipolar people, there was no reason to continue.

Anyway, I haven't posted there all day, so I look busy. Then tomorrow we leave, so I won't be back into the mix for a week. I hope it blows over.

Women. Maybe I shouldn't be in the girl's club. I do not understand them.


Monica Cassani said...

sounds nightmarish and your assessment of her seems right on...

It's not so surprising to me that the guy said something either...I would have asked him not to say anything otherwise it's pretty understandable that he would want her to shut up.

hope you have a wonderful vacation!!

I'm rather're going to my home state...though I'm strictly a Northern CA girl.

Cricket said...

I was naive. I never anticipated he'd worry about it. He seemed nonchalant, but apparently he wasn't. He sure didn't think of all the ramifications either. Pisses me off that she's pretty much doomed my relationship with him, too.

I did email him that a witch hunt is going on and that it has spilled over into the only other private group, one that he and I belong to. In fact, someone brought it up concerning the issues of trust and openness on a thread he'd started.

I hope it doesn't rain a bunch in CA! Lyd was laughing that we seem to be the drought breakers! I have put so much preparation into painting. Please. I need to paint!.

Cricket said...

This morning he wrote that as of yesterday, he's probably getting back with an old g/f, so he wants to be good friends. I think he's sincere, but what wrath he had brought upon me!

I don't do guys. I don't do girls. Is there some other option? Sheesh.

Monica Cassani said...

hang in there Cricket, life is always changing...just not always fast enough for our taste!!

have fun in CA...

love to you.

Churlita said...

What is H/W stand for? Height/weight? I'm just trying to understand the language. The chat and email groups are part of a world I don't know. It's very interesting. Is it part of a dating site?

I hate drama and maybe that's why I haven't dated in a while. It doesn't seem like you can get away from it no matter who you date. Sigh.

Cricket said...

Dating sites often have forums and chat. I don't usually do chat, but I like forums b/c I can write a complete thought. Many people relating to this website have know each other for years and go to the same series of conventions each year. It is a tight group, both good and bad, as it can feel incestuous. This guy is new to the site, so he does not understand the dynamics. I've tried to educate him on the local group, but I think he does not understand. And he has blown it for me if what happened is revealed. No explanation would suffice and, right now, I'd have a hard time being polite and defending him, although I'd have to.

Ron Southern said...

Sometimes you seem so normal and attractive, but then you talk to all these crazy people who talk too much. Watch out, I may be one of them! (Oh, hell, I'm the biggest liar you know!)

NoRegrets said...

You just don't do stupid people, and there are many on both sides!