Thursday, December 16, 2010

I love Prudie

Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend of two years says that he will not ask me to marry him unless I take a lie detector test to pinpoint the truth about certain things that have gone on in our relationship. I have been faithful and honest to him throughout the time we have been dating, with the exception of getting caught in some white lies about things that occurred before we were together. He says that if I have lied about little things, then I could lie about big things, and he needs to know he can trust me. I've always been of the mind-set that what happened before you were with your partner is not really their business and doesn't affect the relationship. I refuse under any circumstances to take the test. I've made sacrifices and compromises to keep him happy, but his request is completely unreasonable, isn't it? Is it a sign of overall problems? What should I do?

—Am I Crazy?


Dear Crazy,
Your boyfriend is onto something. Before committing to marriage, I think everyone should have their sphincter activity monitored in response to important questions. That way, you establish a baseline of trust. So surely your boyfriend would be willing to be hooked up to a lie detector and asked the following: "Are you a pathologically controlling sicko?" "Do you think of yourself as more of a boyfriend or parole officer?" "In your best judgment, would marriage to you be a living hell?" I'm going to assume that you got caught in some "white lies" because your boyfriend was prying about previous lovers and you knew from experience that if you gave him any names, you would be mercilessly grilled. You should have just told him, "This is none of your business." But as you've discovered, the longer you stay with a crazy, manipulative person, the more you lose touch with normal behavior and begin to doubt your own sanity. Your boyfriend has done you a great favor by insisting on the lie detector. This has revealed to you that the most important question to be asked is the one you put to yourself, which is "What did I ever see in this lunatic?"





Yesterday, I forgot to relate a rather morose detail from the weekend. She's been upset at my lack of sex, swearing my menopausal behaviors to actually mean I am cheating. This weekend, I decided to put my brain over my body and give instead of receiving. When she asked if she could touch me (I never let guys touch me when doing them, either, b/c then I begin to think about that and not them and become selfish), I told her no, that she was the focus. She got angry. I said I was starting my period and I just wasn't interested in me.


Then she said it.


"Let me see your tampon."


It's a classic line I will get to use in couple's therapy as I regain dignity. My therapist was aghast when I told her yesterday. There is some entertainment value, anyway.


Julianna said...

Thank you, sweet Jesus! I really love Prudie now!

Do you want to know how very sick this has gotten? I am even afraid to send you an email because she will probably read it! Obviously, she hasn't found this, YET! I wouldn't put it past her to hire a computer scientist to confiscate your internal hard drive and find everything. Can't you picture it? Her doing all of that and then assaulting YOUR behaviour!!!!

I pray, PRAY, that you can rid yourself of this toxic parasite sociopath. You can love yourself so much better if you are alone the rest of your life. It is NOT worth it.

Hugs and kisses,


Anonymous said...

Thanks for your checking on me. I really am fine.

Two weeks ago, she asked for the keys to my house while we're away after Xmas. She reassured me I could trust her. I told her that any renovations/improvements she thinks she's going to do while I'm gone aren't going to happen unless I pick things out - i.e. attic access stairs, shed in the back yard, or dare I dream of flooring in the lower level or kitchen appliances from this century? My specificness scared her off, as she hates people to guess gifts. However, my absolute first thought her going through my computer. I already have it set to remember nothing and to have a password, but I'd probably hide the thing in my car.

A huge drama over Thanksgiving was from me putting an ad on Craigslist looking for a handyman/electrician who would work in exchange for paintings. My ruse worked b/c she freaked her usual way (they - men - can give me something she can't - I do not know if all lesbians have penis envy, b/c I am truly over the penis ... and the 'jay for that matter) then she came up with this alternative to CL.

None of it is going to happen. Whatevah.

Melissa said...

Honey why are you putting up with all this stuff?
You deserve better than this crazy one?
She is not family material at all.

Kellie said...

OMG. Run woman, run.

Cricket said...

Same lovely Julianna. I feel honored.

Prior to the tampon incident, we'd had two good days. We get along well to hang out, choose restaurants, watch TV, etc.

I do not give her all the time she wants, but I have a life away from her and I encourage her to have some consistant routine, although to her that means $100/day in lottery stuff, but she can afford it, I guess. If it weren't for lottery and Nancy Grace, we'd overlap a lot in commonality.

Last weekend I told her that
I feel like she wants me to give up art and she was aghast at the thought. That is a fine line I walk, but I do think I need it. I fear being self-absorbed about art, b/c I could be. I cannot enter every show, take advantage of every sale, attend every paint out, etc. It's a balance I need.

She and my son get along very well. She gets him things he wants that I cannot provide, but more than that, they just get along. She naturally gets frustrated at his teenagerisms and uncooperative attitude sometimes, but we're all human.

Sexually, I believe I am incompatible with anyone. My best definition of sex in a relationship at age 48 is a big fat none. She's 18 years younger, which explains a lot on many fronts.

I have had an optimism with her, just like P. It is a personality trait of mine (even in a silly online test I took) that I see the best in people, see their potential and want to help coax it out of them. I believe she does have great potential and I don't mean just financial. She has listened to me about axing the bas influences in her life and not just have "friends" for the sake of friends, people defined as friends to her who I would define as mere acquaintences at best. She's better about it. She has made progress.

She's also made a little progress giving it up for me. When I see her throw money away on lottery, it is very hard while I am on the precipice of bouncing checks, but I can't tell her how to spend money. She recently bought me some much needed clothing. She supports my art by buying me display racks etc for shows. I HAVE to direct her so that she doesn't just throw money at srt stuff, as she has in the past. I am a planner about such and she can afford to be spontaneous, but I don't want crap. She resents the direction, but usually buys what I have steered her to these days, thank goodness.

Right now she's considering changing from the phone company ws share. I also have internet, tv, and home phone with them. When I changed to them a year ago, I had no idea how much it would be over cable. I have to get out from under it and she's helping me research it. She has paid it once or twice, which wasn't easy to get from her (everything shit off the day I was served regarding the court case - talk about added stress), but she helps when I am stressed out of my gourd....but not before. Same with replacing my water heater, replacing my corroded kitchen sink/disposal innards, repairing my brakes, finding a lawyer, etc. She could to it in the blink of an eye, but she swoops in to arrange it after I have anxiously stewed. Okay, her style isn't what I would prefer, but she does come emergencies.

J is tugging at my arm. We're going to her place for his Xmas today. She and I will have time on Xmas day. I hope it goes well. J likes her, so it should be okay. said...

I'm not all that eager to poke my nose into other people's business, but the process of elementary writing paper is a daunting task. But this can be professionally done by specialists.

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