This post will be lovely. My computer got major viruses again, the fourth time in a year, to the tune of over $800 total. The last time was off the m effin HP website when I tried to download a printer driver for a borrowed printer due to my printer dying. The last two weeks, I've been using my son's new laptop. Not only did I lose (it was kitty tussle as one ran across the keyboard) the A key on my the precious laptop given by his father, this evening the Enter key just plain died. The switch below the key is broken, so this will be a post wil no Enters. Awkward indeed. Oh, add to that no PW for the Parental Controls, meaning no downloading of goodies like Firefox (or Adobe or anything) and you will truly see what a poor speller I am. That or it's a whole heap o' typos..........................Went to my mother's before Xmas for five days, which was four and a half days too long, although I kept face about it. Without an Enter key, I am blissfully unable to go into full detail, but suffice it to say 1) she hangs in the garage in the steam and salt of FL a very worthy watercolor I professionally framed for her about 25 years ago (in her two bedroom house, she couldn't "find" it last time I inquired a year ago), a large cross stitch I created and professionally framed about 15 years ago, and a professionally framed antique doily made by her grandmother (one of four we'd given to her, us, my grandmother, and my sister) about 20 years ago, then she dared to play dumb that any of it was at issue in her fucking garage; 2) when I confided in her that we often lack food at the end of the month, she later let it slip that she'd consulted her coworkers (who'd I'd only met the day before, as I was quite aware that they knew more about me than me them b/c that's how she rolls) about my 'monthly thing,' this from the woman who has spent several thousand on new kitchen appliances and used money "SHE" inherited from my grandparents while my sister and I have yet to receive a thing and we both go hungry. Sooooo, suffice it to say that the painting I brought her as her gift will be her last one..................................On to my father who called after Xmas - he knows we're impoverished and I am quite sure his mother's life insurance has been paid, but he would never fess up to it being appropriate to pass it along. During his call which served to make me ill on several accounts, he had the nerve to inquire in his ever coy fashion, b/c he feels it's not really any of his business, how exactly is this art thing going for me, although it isn't his business in his own words and he really seemed to believe I should give it up, as the undercurrent. He about swallowed his tongue when I said I'd sold 20 paintings in the last year. Yeah, Pops, I might be poor b/c framing, supplies, and workshops are expensive, but I am pretty good at what I do, even if you wife only appreciates hidious hyperrealistic swamp scenes and has a couple (think coastal Kincaid) in each room................................Heck, I'm good enough to hang in the Garage Gallery. Actually I was just juried into my second gallery and they are thrilled to show my work..................................Bottom line: it is very difficult not even having the support of one's parents, be it professional, financial, or emotional............................. I look forward to returning to therapy after the holidays on tomorrow..........................Bea has been behaving. We've spent a lot of time together and it has been good.
The paintings in the garage would bug me - but other people don't put the save value into things that you do, and maybe that's what the case is? I would have to fight the desire to take it personally - and I may have liberated them when I left to return home, but maybe she just doesn't get it?
I was raised in a family that always talked about how much money my grandfather had. I saw first hand how greed and envy can take over and it's not pretty. When my grandfather died - his trust bypassed my father and remaining sibling and was to be split equally between me and my 5 siblings and a cousin. This was unacceptable to my father and aunt and they hired an attorney to break the trust, which is what he did and more than 50% of the remaining funds went to attorney fees. Then my father created a trust bypassing my mother and leaving his share to us 5 kids. When he died in 2008, my mother hired an attorney and broke the trust - costing another huge hit to the sum. She's now created a trust that benefits my 2 brothers and I and has excluded my two sisters from my fathers 1st marriage. What this has done to me is opened my eyes to a world of greed and stupidity that exists when people "happen" upon a little bit of money. They feel entitled and empowered and I will never again be part of that. If I ever inherit anything monetary, it will be donated - it will never sit on my table. It's a very freeing decision Cricket - and it's allowed me to better tolerate my family members that essentially became grave robbers.
My mother knows very well what she's doing. She exclaimed, "But they're hanging up," as if being off the floor or out of a box was okay. People in FL constantly speak of how corrosive the air is. She knows. She worked for years in a craft store. She knows. And she's been in this house 3.5 years. If we were not just going with carry on, I would have taken them. As it was, I couldn't have gotten them packaged to go on Xmas Eve night. And I know that would have pissed her off all the more.................. I had three grandparents until I was in my mid 40s. One day, it just occurred to me that I'd never received a cent from any of them. At least you were remembered, one way or another. I've never been remembered and it mirrors how it was in life - emotional and financial neglect. On one side, my sister and I were the only grandchildren. On the other, I have only three cousins. I'm not talking huge fortunes, but I am talking houses, cars, etc. Even without a lot of competition, we were not remembered. .................. I am not trying to be mean to you or anyone else, Kellie, but people with husbands, security, and nice houses not falling in around them just don't understand how even just $1K would make a difference. They don't understand desperation. Sure, life is unfair and I seem to get the short end. It makes me fight harder, b/c I've either previously rolled over thinking I would be cared for in a reasonable manner - that all would be fair and fine - or I was just plain stupid thinking, for example, my marriage and meal ticket would continue. I have to be in charge of my own life b/c no one is looking out for me. It's a tough fact of life and it is not bitterness. It is instead aiming to not be naive as people essentially steal from me. And me aware of the unfairness of how I've been treated my whole life..... C
I miss my bloglines because you were always the one that I regularly read! :(
The new bloglines is complete rubbish because it doesn't update you.
I will have to check in by hand from now on.
You are very special to me and I completely wish for all the best for you.
J, thanks so much for saying that. After they said they were closing down, I didn't go back. Unfortunately, I don't visit the Google version as often as I'd intended. As it is with Google being over so many things (blogspot x2, Picasa, and gmail x3) I get so confused what the names/pwords are. I'm getting too old for this secrecy, hence more on FB, although FB obviously doesn't have the real stuff!
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