FCUK that!

Ad Regulators Warn FCUK Again for Double Entendre

LONDON (Reuters) - UK advertising regulators signaled a weariness of the double
entendre used by French Connection to sell its FCUK brand and warned the
clothing chain again, this time over a promotion for its line of fragrances.

In an ad placed for French Connection by Zirh International in the Boots
pharmacy chain's magazine, a picture of a young couple sitting on a bed in their
underwear included fold-out samples of perfume with the phrases "open here to
try fcuk her" and "open here to try fcuk him."

The FCUK logo has courted controversy since its launch in 1997. Fashion mavens say the rebellious hip factor that helped catapult the brand to success has long since worn off.

I guess I'm so far from hip that I've never even seen this stuff before. In the deepest recesses of my mind, I am hinting at remembering a blurry reference to it. Nothing further. If the fashion mavens are right, I guess I'm too late to worry about it. (Excuse the lapse; J was born in 1997 and the next 2-3 years are a maternal haze.)

I can understand the Brit regulatory objections in magazines, but the the funny thing to me about the overall concern, and applying that to us Yanks, is that most Americans who want to have FUCK on their shirt will wear FUCK on their shirt. FCUK is kind of wimpy in comparison.

Also, keeping in mind that I'm a mother, I believe that most teenagers who have parents who would object to a FUCK shirt (or perfume or whatever) also have parents who would object to FCUK, too. And vice versa, doesn't care, wouldn't care.

Project Inaugural Runway

Laura Bush Selects Shimmery Inaugural Gown

As a junkie of Project Runway, having it unleash my age old interests in design, I enjoyed stumbling upon shots of the inauguration dresses for Laura Bush and the Bush Twins. (Note: Pictures are available 3 ways: in the Slideshow at the title link, by clinking on their names, or in the 3 posts previous to this one.)

I find Laura Bush's rather plain - a close silhouette, which nicely shows her waist, but I believe it is the same sort of thing she's worn repeatedly in the past. I'd call it Shiny Hourglass Frump. I guess it suits her age and personality, glittery crystals or not.

Her daughters' dresses are much racier, showing lots of cleavage and plenty of back. Babs is going as The Ice Princess. And Jenna, The Wild One, even has leather accents on her silk.

(My son liked Jenna's, innocently and thoughtfully asking if it might come in Mommy's size. Melt my heart, my blinders-wearing wee elf.)

The shindig the Bush Twins will be attending is called Texas State Society Black Tie and Boots' Inaugural Ball. It's in Texas, so it figures to be so sexist, only mentioning men's attire in the title. Strange. Guess that means even potato sacks are in, for women only, of course. Or do Babs and Jen wear boots and a tie with glam gowns? Or are there that many lesbians in Texas? I'm confused.


Public Service Announcements:
I know Babs and Jen already know these choice ditties, but I'll include them here so we all are aware of the indigenous lingo for the ever festive occasion.

Texas Boy's Mating Call:

Bitch, git in d' truck.

Texas Girl's Mating Call:

Ya'll, I'm so drunk.

Edit 21 Jan 05: Only The Ice Princess went with the flow (and the cartoon drawing was MUCH better than reality); the other 2 bailed and I'm not sure they were wise about it. Check out Fug.

Update 23 Jan o5: The twins swapped off designer creations, each wearing theirs at different events. I don't know who designed the alternate garb. All in all, I think Jenna faired best, with Sis doing everything she could to look pasty even. See more pictures at TheFirstTwins.com.



(PS - I hate Blogger and the Hello pictures uploading thing. What a nut roll! Tell me if you can do this crap in less than a hour and if you can get more than one picture in post. No, ya'll, I'm not drunk, not this time.)

Inaugural Laura

Inaugural Babs

Inaugural Jenna

Rats and crickets?

Amazingly apropos, this is a serendipitous amalgamation of some elements of my last post:

Commotion, Distraction, A Modernist Poem
by Jason J. Loya

It begins....

a sqeek, a chirp, cccchurp chuurp churp, rp
anonsensicallineof - stop to dot
- complicated ramblings
Squeak Squeak Squeak eek

Is she speaking in churps and squeaks or do they need a new place to live b/c of the creatures associated with the churps and squeaks?

Although I appreciate it, poetry in general is something I can't quite get my brain around. You've now discovered my Achilles heel.

Help wanted.

Bloglines Blogroll

First, bottom line up front. It took a while to get here.

I invite you to see my Blogroll at Bloglines. This provides real time updates as the various blogs I read are updated, reducing the time it takes to flip through blogs.

Thanks, but no thanks, buster

Sorry, I've been sitting on this one, b/c it made me so upset, but I know you really need this info...

More Pregnancies, and False Alarms, in Winter

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Sales of pregnancy tests typically soar in the first months of the year, as more women than usual tend to become pregnant -- or just think they are, according to Inverness Medical, the makers of the Clearblue Easy pregnancy tests.

The guest expert here is Dr. Brad Imler, president of the American Pregnancy Association.

[M]ost births occur in August and September -- nine months after December and January. Furthermore, winter holiday months tend to be very stressful for women,and stress can cause women to miss their period -- often the first sign of pregnancy...

He explained that the best way to distinguish a true pregnancy from a false alarm is to focus on additional symptoms of pregnancy. These include tender or swollen breasts, fatigue, nausea, headaches, backaches and a change in appetite.

How kind. He's trying to diminish the sales potential of Clearblue Easy (an Educational Sponsor for American Pregnancy Association, while reeking of the truism about biting the hand that feeds you) and politely telling us that we're morons for being proactive in our quest for pregnancy confirmation.

I must gently point out, he's not a woman, so he has no real idea how breasts tingle, swell, and throb with huge variety from one month to the next. Same with all the other real symptoms of pregnancy which strangely mock the same symptoms as infertility, a decidely non-pregnant state!

It all ebbs and flows. We don't have control over symptoms, so we can't entirely determine their origin or impact each month. Just look at what an idiot the brilliant me is about such symptoms. Further, I was pregnant for a while w/my son w/o significant pregnancy symptoms, so seeking the grail of symptoms is as hopeless as, say, me getting pregnant again.

"The absence of other pregnancy symptoms is probably the best clue that it [a delayed period] is the stress of the holidays," he said.

In addition, many women start the New Year with a resolution to exercise more, and a big shift in activity -- such as going from no exercise to many workouts per week -- can cause periods to be delayed, missed or lightened, Imler noted.

In other words, we're all a bunch of ditzy fools, completely out of touch with our bodies, reading everything it tells us incorrectly. (Unless, of course, it is colon or breast or cervical cancer when you invaribly tell us we're pretty stupid for not listening to our bodies sooner. Hypocrites.)

Remember to watch out, ladies... Don't fall for the fitness blunder. Working out is evil! [I already knew that, thanks.] Don't stress! Relax! Give up your New Year's resolutions and social life now, b/c you're too fragile and easily mislead to handle them.

Puleeze.... Get with it, you pathetic sexist doctors. Come up with a different message. This one is boring, trite, dismissive, and condescending, but I guess that's what makes it so fucking effective. We're suckers for that, you know. I'm the (Da da da DAAAA!)(I need a uniform) biological feminist, so I should know.

On an even darker note, these are stats from APA's site...

EVERY DAY IN AMERICA
16,438 women become pregnant
11,018 women give birth
4,780 women endure a pregnancy loss
8,219 women experience an unplanned pregnancy
1,172 women become pregnant while uninsured
5,479 couples begin to struggle with infertility issues

Although there's plenty of fodder, I'll focus on the last two stats.

Why, in this society where it is so PC to talk of an insurance crisis, are there 5 times as many couples each day dealing with new IF than newly pregnant uninsured women? Where's the press? I say we IFers are getting short changed yet again, this time in the media and in public perception. I'd like those potential drummed up exposure-related dollars to be earmarked for additional IF and SIF research as well as
IVF SCHOLARSHIPS FOR THOSE IN NEED.
I resent that ART access is a classist operation and I think mistaken perception and misappropriated funds fuel the lack.

Back to the American Pregnancy Association, b/c they're so fertile for commentary: another one of APA's sponsors is Conceive Magazine. Go there and see the intro page. That is appalling to me. Has anyone actually read this magazine?

When stolen isn't bad enough

Mother Testifies in Son's Stolen Art Trial

STRASBOURG, France - The mother [Mireille Breitwieser] of a convicted art thief [Stephane Breitwieser] told a court Thursday how she used a hammer to destroy irreplaceable works of art and force them into trashbags upon learning of her son's arrest.

Her son, a former waiter who once told a Swiss court that his desire to acquire art "became a compulsion," said he had been visiting museums alone since he was 10 and had a passion for works from the 16th, 17th and 18th centuries.

Bernard Dastries, an official from a French government office for combatting trafficking in cultural relics, told reporters Thursday that the haul was worth an estimated $13 million to $20 million.

Seems that the mother thought the pieces were flea market finds. When she found out they weren't during her sons' legal battles, she did everything she could to destroy all the art.

The son, who never sold a piece, was a true collector of sorts. He felt so deeply for the lost pieces that he said, "She threw my life into the trash can."

You can't help to (tongue in cheek) feel sorry for him, to have such a passion and have it thrown away.

Might coulda been a mention of chUrp

Y'all listen up!

Interviewees are asked 250 questions to check unique Texas pronunciations and determine whether they use certain words and phrases, such as "polecat" for skunk or "snake feeder" for dragonfly. Some of the terms are used elsewhere across the Southern U.S. as well, but many combinations are distinctively Texan.

A glossary of Texas Twang
Y'all: You-all (can be used as singular or plural).
Croker sack: Burlap sack.
Snake feeder: Dragonfly.
Mosquito hawk: Dragonfly.
Snap beans: Green beans.
Light bread: White bread.
Flitter: Pancake.
Corn dodgers: Hushpuppies.
Pulleybone: Wishbone.
Polecat: Skunk.
Cold drink: Soda pop.
Tank: Pond.
Dinner on the ground: Potluck dinner.


Now I realize this was a Texas-oriented study, but they missed the jon boat on some of these Southernisms. I don't mention it much, but I grew up in the SE and married into another old Southern family - lots of subjects for analysis.

(Even tho he's from Florida, I think Larry the Cable Guy uses ex's "My Family Tree is a Wreath" relations as his inspiration. GIT-R-DONE!*)

Cricket's addendum glossary of South Carolina Twang
Poke: sack, as in "tote a poke"
Rurnt: ruined (a pronuncian thing c/o ex-MIL)
Uncrunk: when a car's engine dies, as in "the car come uncrunk" (c/o ex's aunt)
Cooter: turtle
Mash: push, as in a button
Poke Salad: an edible weed often found along railroad tracks, to be harvested prior to berries coming out (I once fertilized one for a month thinking it was a hydrangea, then felt the poke salad plant - no longer considered merely a weed - was so pretty that I took its leaves to a Southern-transplant chef friend's house as a hostess gift - she was thrilled!)
Yellow Bells: forsythia bush
Thrift: short phlox
Close: description for humid weather, as in "it sho is close outside"
Carry: practically any movement - as in carry yourself to the store, not just carry your packages home
Yonder: from 'bout here to infinity
Salve (pronounced saaav): anything applied to skin, doesn't matter where it is from or what its for
Short Pants: they're not just called shorts
Dixie Store: Winn Dixie grocery store
R.O.C. Co-Cola: RC Cola, b/c that's how Andy Griffith said it in a commercial 50 years ago (c/o my dad)
Coke: Pepsi
Coke: Dr. Pepper
Coke: Orange
Coke: Sprite
Coke: Coke



*Larry's got it going on. He knows every girl's wish list:

Well that's it. I have to go now because they just opened a Victoria Secret inside the Bass Pro shop down here and I'm gonna go get some crotch-less waders and an orange teddy for my girl. I heard they also have dildos with scopes on em! ... (Lord I apologize for the dildo/scope thing.. that aint right!)

No, Larry ain't right, but I guess he's experienced in IF? Spread the news, bubba.

GIT-R-DONE!

Duchamp's Toilet Brush

[PS upfront: This posts gets so many hits, but it isn't even about Duchamp's Tiolet. However, I had previously done a Duchamp post and you can view it here.]

Toilet Brush Warning Wins Consumer Award

DETROIT - The sign on the toilet brush says it best: "Do not use for personal
hygiene."

The $500 first prize went to Ed Gyetvai, of Oldcastle, Ontario,
who submitted the toilet-brush label. A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson,
of Naperville, Ill., for a label on a children's scooter that said, "This
product moves when used."

A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of
Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said,
"Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

Think about the people (men?) too busy to read such warnings! However, I have to wonder why it was men winning the first two prizes? Did their wives point stuff out to them? Is it an indication of them being well (potty) trained?

What about the non-readers in the world who could use this valuable information? Makes me glad to be literate, I'll tell ya.

Runway TV

Okay, I constantly berate both TV and Reality TV.

Never better than the worst of hypocrites, I have actually found a Reality TV show to my liking. Okay, to my yearning even - I began designing dresses for my dolls when I was 5 yo. The show is on Bravo, called Project Runway with this schedule.

"It promises to be delightfully bitchy television," says the Washington Post.

Project Runway is housed at Parsons School of Design in NY, featuring wannabe designers and crazed models. One of each is removed from the proverbial pincushion each week. I have seen episodes 1, 3, and 4.

I might not have admitted my fascination with this show if it weren't for something I missed from the 2nd episode. One of the designers crafted a maternity dress when given the task to create something that speaks to the word, envy.

VANESSA looked at envy from the point of view of one who wants children; that is, pregnancy
envy. Her muse would appear on the runway as though she were about to give
birth. The concept was easy for her, but she struggled and struggled and
struggled with how she would portray it.

I wonder if her struggles extend all the way to IF. I would bet.

Although Vanessa was not my favorite designer personality-wise, I did have an appreciation for her design from the week before. (The next week her grating honesty is what cost her; like her subject for envy, she wore too much on her public sleeves.)

That her envy gown took 2nd place monetarily in a silent auction where all the designers' gowns went head to head speaks to the power of her creation.

Envy, indeed.

Maybe P's off the hook a bit

The other day, P turned to me and said, "I guess we'll go to Vienna for our honeymoon."

Deja vu!

Jeez, sometimes I think he reads this blog on a stealth computer with stealth software - yes, I have inquired which browser they use at work just to be sure he's not hanging here. I know he doesn't read this from home.

But I just mentioned Vienna a week ago here and he mentions it within days, too. Scary.

(I have an awful lot of hits from the metro area I live in and I've never even said where I live, so it must be a coincidence. There really are a lot of people living around this region. Yeah, easy circumstances for coincidences, but I am paranoid nonetheless.)

On to Vienna's Klimt news... Seeing this news piece made my day.

Film About Painter Klimt Begins Filming

VIENNA, Austria - Shooting for a movie featuring John Malkovich as Austrian art
nouveau painter Gustav Klimt (news - web sites) began Tuesday in Vienna, a publicity company said.

It is listed in IMDb, too.

I think I'll consider the flick to be additional research for my trip to Vienna, not a substitute for my trip to Vienna.

I guess P isn't off the hook at all.

Feeling Down Under

[Beeeeep! Public Service Announcement: I am going to post some rough-ish creations from last week just to make up for missing so many days.]

Thieves in Austria Steal Entire ATM

"Investigators said they were trying to determine how many thieves it took to lift the ATM which authorities say weighed up to 500 pounds and load it into the back of a delivery truck."


What? Did they never see Barbershop?

I find that flicks are great for learning life lessons. I recommend it highly. Following are a few examples.

Death to Smoochy always makes me a little prouder about standing by my ideals while wanting to be a little less granola. Scrooged always helps me to un-Scrooge a bit. Pollock proves to me that I'm not that crazy or self-destructive of an artist. Frida reminds me of how simultaneously tortured, infertile, and brilliant a woman artist can be. Artemisia Gentileschi reminds me how seemingly destructive relationships and decisions have two sides. Raising Arizona demonstrates the lengths I would not go to in order to have a child. Mystic River and 21 Grams tragically dissect how fucking unfair life is. A Life Less Ordinary serves as a parable for the ridiculousness of organized religion. Pieces of April reminds us that people can change, that maturing happens when we pessimistically least expect it, but that pre-change self leaves gaping wounds on everyone around. Motorcycle Diaries displays that personal growth is a process whereby eyes are opened wider and wider, with dramatic things happening as a result. The Big Lebowski reminds me how much I prefer Black Russians to White Russians and to not get too attached to a rug.

And Barbershop shows how fucking stupid it is to steal an ATM.

PS- Happy New Year