Social studies

On the Netflix platter this week was Hotel Rwanda. I was remiss not to see it in the theaters, but I didn't b/c I knew it would hurt my heart. I didn't realize ahead of time that the director used nuance over slasher tactics when filming; in the last decade I've become pretty sensitive to gore. B/c it was rated PG-13 and J's seen those before, I decided to let him watch it with me for the historical and educational values.

Besides, I had to see it b/c I think Don Cheadle is one sexy mofo.

J was very interested, but got scared. At one point, he crawled around behind my back to peer over to watch. Like I've never seen him before, J was afraid to go to bed afterward. Unlike most kids, he is oblivious to violent images usually. He doesn't emulate the violence, it rolls off. Although I don't like that he plays/watches at his dad's, he can see someone getting shot or run over on Grand Theft Auto and not think it is the norm for life. He does not generalize. He has a huge conscience about such, but in part I always thought it was b/c he didn't internalize it. However, Hotel Rwanda internalized itself in him. He kept asking if it was real, not understanding the difference between news footage, news-like footage, and movie re-creation.

He did sleep better than he anticipated, but he said he woke up a number of times. Although he wanted to sleep with me, I made him sleep in his own bed, b/c I wanted to watch the special features and documentaries before getting the DVD back in the mail today. I could tell him the next morning how the story ended and that it was brighter for both the people and the country. I could tell him that the duration was only about 100 days, that a million people died during that time, that it happened 3 years before he was born, the people involved revisited the sites two years ago, and the movie came out last year. Facts like this seemed to help.

He, however, had so many questions -
*how could people do this to one another?
*what was the real reason for it? (b/c some arbitrary skin color/height/nose width issue imposed by the Belgians wisely made no sense to him)
*where else has genocide happened?
*why didn't the world react?
*how does this relate to our civil war?
*was our civil war over slavery?

Jeez, he's good for 8 years old.

Wow! Coming up for air!

Look at this previous post of mine about Jennell Dickens' Baltimore quintuplets.

Then look at the last comment from none other than Jennell herself. It was made at 4am today. I am pleased that she does as any other good mother does: makes time for some surfing during or between late night feeds.

I am not sure of her slant on my writing, if she appreciated an impartial objective. Feel free to say more about that here, as it wasn't clear in her comment. That said, she didn't address too many of the issues presented. Nonetheless, she sounds very together for a 22 yr old with 5 children and an instant family. Further, she appreciated others coming to her defense.

B/c the 'links back' thing apparently isn't working for some routine Bloggity reason, she didn't see (per StatCounter) how I did come to her defense and succeeded in raising awareness to boot. I took Sarah Gilbert of Blogging Baby to task for her attitude in her subsequent article and the result was Sarah, in essence, publishing a retraction via her 'holiday spirit' giving to the needy article after that. I'd be dishonest if I didn't say that I'm curious about the pattern of donations.

Jennell, if you happen to read this, remember the old adage about publicity and it all being good. I'd read up on your situation several months ago and learned that a grocery store had taken your family under their wing providing substantial free products and they'd given your boyfriend a job. Also, I'd seen where a larger apartment was provided for your family. I realize that in the grand scheme of things, these are not huge corporate endorsements, but I would gauge them as significant anyway.

Bottom line, congrats to Jennell and her family for making it and thriving. We all wish you well.


Related posts, aka DIY 'Links Back' thing:

Mailbag day
As anyone who's been kind enough ever to send me e-mail can attest, I am a lousy correspondent. My intentions are good, as a screenshot of my mail program proves; I mark messages I plan to answer as unread to remind me to go back to ... posted by julie @ Tue Nov 22, 07:01:35 PM

What a difference a nod makes
I want to express appreciation for Churp, Churp posts being referenced by JennaM, Cecily, and Julie recently. StatCounter is experiencing a blissful kind of tired. Kind of makes me want a cigarette. Earlier this month, JennaM compiled a ... posted by Cricket @ Fri Nov 25, 02:16:00 PM

Quintuplets suffering because of me?
three of the dickens quintuplets with their mom and dadWhen I poked mild fun at the names Jennell Dickens selected for her quintuplets a few months ago, I had no idea I was creating such a maelstrom. Now Churp, Churp has discovered that ... posted by Sarah Gilbert @ Sat Nov 26, 09:08:00 PM

And the quints endorsement commentary evolved a life of its own
I wasn't sure how to contact Sarah Gilbert (to clarify: I thought about it, but didn't dig very much) to give her a courtesy call that I found an askance sort of reference in The Post to her quints name piece or that I was using her ... posted by Cricket @ Mon Nov 28, 10:31:00 AM

She had a change of mind
She humbled herself and wrote a Blogging Baby update, asking for donations for the Dickens quints. She went beyond making fun of their ethnic names, past photo criticism and blind racism, right back to the spirit that inspired my ... posted by Cricket @ Fri Dec 16, 12:08:00 AM

Nursing assistance - outline of what was provided; I am unsure if they were volunteers or were paid. (I still need to read the links there.)

Groceries/job: I can't find the link around Xmas that talked about the grocery store's involvement. Will look again later.


ETA - I want to stress that exposure for this family was great via the effects of my posts. From around the time of my original post to the fallout of it being referenced in a couple places, there were well over related 10,000 hits. Since that time, there are hits daily, usually via Julie's a little pregnant or occasionally through one of the Blogging Baby articles.

I'll cite another old adage: if each person just sent a dollar... I wouldn't guess Jannell would volunteer that they need it, but I feel certain they wouldn't turn it away.

My mothering parallel for the day

I don't care if I have to mop the goddamn floor with your sorry fucking ass, you're coming with me, you little shit.

Mei Xiang and Tai Shan, November 10

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Wrongful prenatal testing?

Have you heard of this "successful" wrongful birth suit in Ohio?

In Ohio and approved by their Supreme Court, there is a '"wrongful birth" suit against doctors by parents who say they would have aborted their child had they not been given inaccurate genetic counseling,' without considerations for the 'damages payable [which] should include the cost of raising the child through adulthood, plus pain and suffering, ' although 2 of the 4 justices felt that, too, was appropriate. As it is, the 4-3 decision limited such lawsuits to costs associated with a pregnancy and the birth of the child.

Okay, kinda, half way, mixed bag hooey on the decision, huh? Those justices really stepped up to the plate on that one. A fine line.

Although I'm not going on a rant, a quote in this article got under my skin: "It is simply a question of whether or not a person is better off dead than disabled," said Sen. David Goodman (R., Bexley). "I think it is an atrocious and unacceptable question to ask a jury or a judge, whether they should be playing God, basically."

There is now a bill in Ohio to try to give the medical profession the benefit of the doubt: "The Ohio bill protects doctors from suits alleging negligence in reading prenatal testings, failing to order such tests, or otherwise missing signs of trouble."

Further, "Six states, including neighboring Pennsylvania, have adopted prohibitions on wrongful birth suits brought by mothers, or "wrongful life" suits in cases brought by the children living with the defects."

"BACKGROUND: Helen Schirmer and her husband Richard wanted to have a child, but knew that Helen carried a genetic disorder known as Trisomy 22. While Helen did not suffer from the disorder, which causes mental retardation and multiple, severe physical disabilities, she knew there was a one-in-three chance that any child she bore would exhibit the active form, and that a son would be more likely than a daughter to do so....Specialists at the Children's Hospital Medical Center (CHMC) in Cincinnati who performed the test and interpreted the results informed the Schirmers that the fetus was probably female and exhibited the same inactive form of the Trisomy 22 trait as the mother....In September 1997, Helen delivered a son, Matthew, who was born with multiple, severe physical and mental impairments as a result of the active Trisomy 22 genetic defect. At the age of six, Matthew remained unable to speak, stand or crawl independently, and unable to feed, bathe or toilet himself. "

This Kentucky couple who used that Cincinnati hospital specifically wanted screen for a genetic defect that the mother has. That's not some shotgun blast diagnostic voodoo going on; that's one particular defect for which they wanted data. This case isn't just an oversight on broad, generic genetic testing. This is a case of error for one specific genetic disorder that could be passed on in some form. CHMC didn't even get the sex right.

I am guessing that the parents did chorionic villi testing and the medical professionals got the mother's tissue instead of the fetus' as the test indicated the same condition/gender as the mother. This should have been a red flag right away to practioners and, at the least, an amnio could have been done. Speculation, yes.

I do not see why a wrongful birth suit is wrong. It is as if parents of a fetus to not have the basic right to good, accurate healthcare. Why is this circumstance any different than any other medical malpractice? Negligence is negligence. And if one wants to argue that the fetus isn't a person, well, the parents are and they were the ones seeking care.

There is also a dilemma here regarding the personhood of a fetus. If this was a Republican bill (plus that one Democrat) in Ohio, it doesn't seem to add up with the common Republican and Religious Right agenda. (I realize the two are not necessarily the same.) Another fine line. If fetuses are all gifts worthy of being born, why are they not worthy of having competent healthcare and diagnostic techniques? And why are those doing testing on the fetus exempt from malpractice with mistakes?

If the bottom line is to not abort, then, honestly, R&RR should outlaw prenatal testing completely. That would be preventative in a twofold means: nobody would know about fetal anomalies until too late and nobody would be able to abort on that premise.

So watch out, ladies. They want your dildocams.

To be clear, tho, not all prenatal diagnoses are merely information on whether to abort or not. In the case of open NTDs, knowledge of that ahead of time ensures the proper team is available at birth. It also would indicate a c-section, as much of the damage done to NTDs is in the birthing process. See, R&RR, not all prenatal testing is bad.

Thank goodness Wal-Mart is helping to nip unwanted pregnancies in the bud. R&RR lost on that account. I'm glad, b/c it pains me to get NARAL emails all the time and feel so helpless.

Unsentimental me thinks this is rather sweet

[Meg] Ryan, 44, said her time away from Hollywood was not only to focus on herself, but also to help others. To that end she began working with an international organization called CARE, which is dedicated to wiping out poverty in the poorest corners of the world by building up bonds between women.

She also adopted her baby girl from China, which fulfilled a dream that began 10 years ago. But Ryan first wanted to wait until her son Jack, 13, with Quaid, was older.

Ryan first named the girl Charlotte, but quickly realized that name didn't fit her and changed it. "I thought she was Charlotte and she's just not," Ryan said. "She's a Daisy. She's got the most open, beautiful, honest face you'll just ever see."



Spoken like a true mom in love. I don't know about you, but it helps me forget the nanny baby toter, Quaid, Crowe, and awful plastic surgery perpetual fake youth stuff just a little.

Mardi Gras, Boobie Style

It's Fat Tuesday! Celebrate!

Yes, even you, Betty White...

My observant readers, do you notice anything about these ladies?

Bud and Betty have something in common: hypoplastic (but not too bad as there is some breast tissue), tubular / tuberose breasts. Betty still has yourthful pert cones in these pictures, while Bud's have fallen a bit. Notice the full, puffy nipples.

Look at the short, flattened fold under the constricted breast of Bud vs. the nice, long semi-circle of Er. It is interesting and telling viewing the differences next to each other, bug eyes aside.

I applaude them all and appreciate them for assisting with this valuable teaching tool.

Hey! World! Tubular breasts are pictured online and it's not even at a plastic surgery site!

Thanks to Perez Hilton for posting Betty... and for thinking she's hot. Plus kidos to my mother for sending me titty shots, even if she didn't know the full meaning.

Flix in the mail

Finally reaching the new millenium, I just joined NetF1ix last week. They suggest you put up to 10 in your Queue for starters.

We've received 2 movies already with speedy viewing and return mail services as well as a handy distribution center in the area, however, I have 126 in my queue waiting to visit us. 126! There are more than 126 movies I want to view in the comfort of my home. Mind boggling.

I did the one-at-a-time membership version, b/c I'm so prone to losing stuff, but I figure I/we can watch 2-3/wk. The holiday Monday threw us with shipping, damn. In terms I don't quite grasp completely, the anticipated movie schedule would last me an entire pregnancy on bedrest before I'd have to order again. Lucky girl, I am.

It is astonishing to me how many movies I want to see and how many of them are with 4-5 stars. There's only about one or two with a borderline hazy, not-quite-complete 3 stars.

I made myself choose movies I hadn't seen before, except I made a solitary exception. I want to see Napoleon Dynamite one more time. And I want my son to see most of it. He's good at covering his eyes when I tell him to.

Y Tu Mama Tambien arrives tomorrow. I'm psyched. Can't believe I missed it in the theaters. Gonna make up for it soon, my Gael.

Tokens

How does one spend President's Day when stuck at home with a kid out of school? To me, that means taking a nap or something. To Kid, that means coming through on the trip to Chuck E. Ch33se I've been putting off for a few months and to see all the other crazed fools out of school, too, competing for seating and places on the games.

I'm good on my word, but I made him work for it. I'll post more of the juicy details later, but his next school project is due in a week and he has much practicing to do. He had to run through the whole talk twice before going and once there, I would only give him 10 tokens at a time, then he'd have to come back to do parts of his speech. What a system! It actually worked and made the whole ordeal less an ordeal. Three hours felt like, say, two!

I'd hope for the ever-requested gifts (a picture of J and I together) for the grandparents to work out for a mere token each, but I should have known it was too good to be true. That cheap ass printer spoiled my gift to my mother, but she'll get it this way anyhow. And appreciate it, dammit.

Valentine Deeds

Via bad_sex

Via bad_sex

43

At 43, Elizabeth Varg4s is expecting her second child. The first is 3 years old. ABC is worried about running out of anchors, given the injuries of Varg4s' co-host, B0b W00druff.

With her just taking over the co-anchoring job last month, one would think that this pregnancy is not IVF-induced.

I read stuff like this and I wonder if there is still hope, but I'm pretty good at dashing such away rather quickly.

41 and up the duff?

Is Liz Hurley pregnant?
British model/actress Elizabeth Hurley has been spotted leaving an antenatal clinic in London, sparking rumours that she is expecting baby number two.
.
Liz admitted recently that her boyfriend of three years, Arun Nayar is desperate for a child of his own and that they would be working on that very soon. The Estee Lauder model is already mother to three-year-old son Damian Charles, whose father is Hollywood producer Steve Bing.

~~~

Liz's DOB is b. 10 Jun 1965, so she's turning 41 this year. In medical terms, she's possibly already 41 b/c of her potential EDD. I wish stories of this would inspire me more than depress me.

I'm curious about the British definition of "an antenatal clinic" and whether that would be:

• a GYN clinic,
• an OB clinic, or
• an RE clinic?

Maybe she was just going for her annual pap?

[Do you think I read too many of the gossip blogs perhaps?]

Continuing on a perplexing theme

In the comments of my recent post about personal ethics and health care workers, DD said...

Unfortunately, this is all perpetuated by privately funded and owned corps. For example, just in my little town when there were 2 hospitals, if you wanted a tubal after giving birth, you could not go to Hospital A as they were owned by the Catholics, who of course don't believe in birth control.

~~

I've been thinking about the hospital thing and religion. It made me pause; DD is right, but it isn't the whole picture. Catholic hospitals are one situation that have always been that way, selective about what care they provide. It is pretty clear to anybody that one isn't going to receive birth control from a Catholic hospital; there are probably other restrictions, too. A patient is potentially going to encounter rather prudish thought processes, but the hospital is relatively clear about their intent merely by their affiliation and reputation. That, if nothing else, is fair.

The sneakiness of the Right is that they don't have a big "I'm of the mentality of a Catholic hospital" sign across their forehead. It is clandestine. One doesn't go into a pharmacy expecting to be balked by a pharmacist, adding insult to injury in the nut roll of trying to find another pharmacist or pharmacy. If they advertised "We are a Christian pharmacy" or "We only cart heterosexual Christians in our ambulance service," it would be fair and the rest of us would know who to avoid. And those who prefer such could.

The frustrating and alarming thing is that, as it stands outside the world of a Catholic hospital, we don't know who to avoid until it is potentially too late.

Warning labels! We should hook up these legislators in 18 of our states with the Surgeon General and the FDA to cook up some appropriate warning labels.

Caution! Contains religious fanaticism. Avoid if on atheist diet.

Warning! Religion can cause mushiness of the brain.

Beware pregnant women! With the Right, once pregnant, always pregnant.

Thanks, Surgeon General and FDA. I feel much better now.

Swinging Friday Night

I went to see The Matador and was pleasantly surprised. I actually liked Pierce Brosnan in it, a rather unexpected feat. His emotions in the flick spanned the height of jerkiness to the depth of despair, him doing all convincingly. Greg Kinnear was a bit more predictable with a less juicy part and Hope Davis, who I usually like anyway, had a role that was mostly fluff. Overall, tho, it wasn't a waste of money or time. The previews were accurate and there was more worthy of viewing in the movie itself. Wow, what a favorable review!

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Life cycle matters

You probably know how cats will bring home trophies to share with their owners? A dead mole here, bird remains there.

Yesterday afternoon, we had a twist on that theme.

It was J who brought home a dead cat, a 8-10 lb gray tabby in full rigor mortis.

Because he knew I'd know what to do with it.

I appreciate him having faith in me, but I told him that I can't bring it back to life OR find it's owners if it doesn't have a collar. And I wasn't going to dig a hole, either.

He said he got it half a block away, next to a car in the parking lot. I told him the best thing would be to put it back where he found it, maybe the owner would look for it. Although it was stiff as a board, it looked recent - it's eyes were clear and it seemed to have been hit by a car, with internal injuries, rather than it being mangled by a dog.

We have a few strays around here; I've seen some going in and out of the sewer. I put my mis-purchases of cat food, our kitty's rejects, in Lean Cuisine dishes on the sewer top for them.

(I am turning into that old cat lady neighbor.)

However, I don't think this cat was one of the strays. Come to think of it, we have a reclusive neighbor with a couple of indoor cats. I've never talked to her, but maybe she's missing one. This cat looked very healthy and well fed. Pretty coat and eyes.

J had been wearing his snow gloves when he toted the cat home. To carry the cat back, I gave him some gardening gloves, which he put on with great ceremony, went outside to the stoop, and wrapped his little hands dwarfed by the adult gloves around the poor cat's ribcage, holding it away at arm's length. He met his friends out at the sidewalk, them surprised that he was coming their way with the feline stiff again.

When he returned home a few minutes later, he said they put the cat in an old tire by the creek. Little biologists, they wanted to be able to check back and see bones. I'll be honest; I'm relieved they're relying on nature to do the revealing for them.

I know moms who are frightened of their kids experiencing death. That sheltering frustrates me; I am lucky in the model of son I got and his ease. He has never been fearful that way, but I don't think he's a sociopath either, thank goodness. When he was less than two and still in a stroller, we watched for 45 minutes as a water snake painstakingly devoured a green and yellow frog, who we could hear long after he was gone from sight. I'm glad J's good on life cycle things and he can enjoy documentaries like Winged Migration, Parrots of Telegraph Hill, and March of the Penguins with me. As sentimental as he is about his menagerie of stuffed animals, he takes death naturally as being a part of life.

If only that didn't include leaving me presents at the doorstep.

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