uttered, "How am I going to get rid of her?"
We did a lot this last week. I am a masterful tour guide. I heard a lot of whining and it wasn't usually my son, although I did feel as if I had a new child I was responsible for. On Monday afternoon, I asked Lyd three times to stop whining. She didn't. She knows that things have to get to a severe place for me to ask something like that. I am exceedingly patient and the next day, she said I have the patience of a saint. But she didn't say she was sorry or would try to do better.
It pertains indirectly to my post yesterday:
2. Ilunga (Tshiluba, Congo): a person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never a third time
For me to speak up and want to talk about any little thing, it is a big deal. I often just let others talk. They babble. I allow it. I learn a lot that way. However, when I do talk, I expect to be listened to. I don't interrupt anyone else and I deserve the same courtesy. When talking to Lyd, I have a hard time getting in a word edgewise and I am not able to complete my thoughts if I try. When given the chance, I am a storyteller, as you well know. When I responded to Lyd the other day that I can't even talk when I have something to say (she'd called me a quiet one, the type you have to watch out for), she said it's a P.uerto Rician thing. Everybody interrupts everybody. I guess as a non-P.uerto Rician, I'm not in on the joke. I expect the floor occasionally, during which time I require listening and respect. I do have something to contribute and am usually funny as hell. I don't say much, but I do expect you to listen long enough for me to complete what I'm saying. And I do not expect my talking to be merely a starting point for your own tales; I expect more than a cursory listen while you gather steam to belch forth again.
She said I have the patience of a saint, but she never said she was wrong in her behavior. Didn't say "please" or "thank you" and actually seemed to expect me to pay for her vacation - I would estimate that I paid for a good 80-90% of her food, recreation, and hotels, plus all transportation. In fact, she ran out of money on Tuesday, day four of a THREE AND A HALF WEEK trip. I had told her in advance that I could not fund her hotels or have her stay at my house. I had no idea that she'd make the trip for so long. I had no idea that her mid-trip vacation to Wisconsin would be axed for lack of funds or that her side trip to P.uerto Rico would suffer a similar fate. I have felt responsible for an additional child.
Shoot... remiss... she did tell me thanks on the way back today. She said thanks for inviting her on our vacation, one I had crafted as a mother-son outing to enjoy before he becomes a teenager. I wanted to retort that she invited herself, I didn't invite her, but I bit my tongue. It would have done no good. She seems to create her own truths and I knew I have no power in that regard.
Thank goodness she went to a cousin's two states away. She began on her journey this evening (although she'd originally planned to just stay there Monday and Tuesday, I am grateful to her for getting the vibe to go early) and is due back next Wednesday, but I won't be responsible for her if I can at all help it when she gets back. She supposedly has hotel reservations for next Fri-Sun locally, but I am doubting she'll be able to pony up. We're due at a party that the lawsuit friend (see below) is throwing next Friday and Lyd was mentioning that she might not be back until Friday, but then maybe I wouldn't want to go to the party because it would be a long drive for me (an hour, typical fare, she knows that), so I am figuring she doesn't want me there as she tries to garner some sympathy for her case. Unfortunately, I've already paid for an art workshop (close to $150 for her) for that Sat-Sun and I'm going to have to call that a loss as it is non-refundable.
As an aside to what she doesn't say, she doesn't say she's sorry when appropriate either. She accidentally knocked J in the goggles with her elbow in the pool. It wasn't during play, just a random hit. It wasn't a big deal until she started going on and laughing about him getting a black eye, while my boy hangs on the side of the pool in obvious pain. She's so busy dishing crap, she can't dish some empathy. I just stood back and watched them interact, me incredulous. I think she was jealous of him. I also think she's a bully.
She calls herself incorrigible and defiant and thinks she can get away with crap for those reason. On the phone one-on-one, I just couldn't tell. Her in public is just not cute.
Monday, we went to the train museum, the butterfly exhibit, the big cathedral, and met a friend (the birthday girl from a few weeks ago, ye of the lawsuit which was continued) for dinner. It was a big day. Lyd had the audacity during dinner to bring up the fact that I had asked her to stop whining that afternoon, as in her reporting on a tiff to the friend as if I were wrong somehow. I put my head down, slowly shook my head, and the friend remarked uncomfortably, "You, twoooo." The next day, I told Lyd that it was inappropriate of her to say anything like that and Lyd staunchly replied that she was doing it in humor. There's no arguing with her.
It was not humorous.
At some point, she mentioned a male cousin who got his girlfriend pregnant. They married, but she lost the fetus at almost term. Lyd said that, considering where they were at that that time in their lives, young and unemployed, the loss was for the best. I said that there is never an appropriate time to wish away a baby. The parents will always feel that loss. She said I completely misunderstood, that she wasn't wishing away the baby, that it was a timing thing. I said that any time you say anything is "for the best" with regards to an unborn child, it is wrong. She disagreed on the surface, but I could see the wheels turning. But she couldn't admit she was wrong.
Like I said a few days ago, I feel like I'm hemorraging money. When we went to the water park, I paid about $45 each to get in, then paid about $45 once in there - with the latter, I was being cheap on the snacks and drinks. Once, like a child, she requested something sweet and I just ignored her - but it wasn't the first time she even went so far as to demand food during the trip. Once inside, she commented that she'd only been to one other water park and she was too scared after the first ride to do any more - and if she's scared or dissatisfied, everyone within 100 yards knows it. Of course, she headed that way mentally after her first ride yesterday and dared to say that she'd have been fine on a rollercoaster. I was livid, saying I had discussed this ahead of time with her and J trying to figure out whether the water park or the amusement park would suit us best. She didn't seem to get that I was not pleased about dropping the bills on her admission. She could have stayed at the fucking hotel! Later she said she didn't like feeling forced to do rides, because I was obviously unhappy, and I replied that she could have made better choices. Finally, she resigned herself, saying that trying new things is a good thing. So the rides where the innertube carried more than one person were more comfortable to her psyche. Of course, we could only do those rides then, or suffer her pouty rath.
Everything is a production around her. I told her she is odd. Stuff is too this, too that, and the world must conform to her needs. Her egocentricism is only trumped by my mother.
Just now, J came up and asked me my favorite part of the trip - an exercise we always play after outings and movies. I told him the water park was stellar, but I really liked James.town. He said he liked the water park first best and the ghost tour second best.
Ahh, the ghost tour. J proceeded to say it was weird how obnoxious (his word!) Lyd was during the ghost tour (and everything else we did, I might add), even more obnoxious that him. Yes, much more obnoxious than the 10yo. If there was a tour guide, Lyd in her attention-seeking frenzy had to trump him/her. And laugh. And exclaim that she was cracking herself up. It was embarrassing.
All the things I said I accepted about her, well, they flew out the window. I do not accept her. She is a loud heathen and proud to be one. We are not for each other and I'll have to tell her by phone some time in the next few days. I wish her well, but she's overstayed her welcome.
Oh, and the eating. I can't believe I didn't notice it before, but we only ate out together once or twice when we first saw each other. She claims to eat fast so her food doesn't get cold. She literally inhales it within seconds, then burps loudly. While holding her utensil like a shovel. There is no delicacy or balance to the way she holds a fork. It is construction equipment going full tilt. Southernisms kept coming to mind. I could hear the schoolkids chanting that she ain't got no hometraining. And my father remarking in irony, she ain't got no couth.
I realize this is scattered, but it's the best I can do for now. I'll probably add to it.
I must work on bringing this down a notch to friendship, which can then fade away. I don't feel I can risk pissing her off and I am so glad that I didn't share real personal stuff with her, like this blog. Honestly, at the waterpark when she was playing with/hassling J in the supposedly lazy river which she made quite unrestful, she reminded me of a huge silver back gorilla. Don't want to piss one of those suckers off.