I haven't talked about these topics in quite a while, mostly because they didn't exist to me. I did edit out most of the good stuff.
In my quest to just fucking lighten up, I wound up cutting loose Saturday night. There was a planned singles event in a bar. Apprehensive of going every place alone, I delayed and didn't arrive until almost 10. Unsure of myself as I haven't seen these folks in over three months in my near agoraphobic haze, I kinda wanted to blend in quietly. As a matter of fact, I brought darts and went to play on my own a little as I worked on my first drink.
When I joined the group again, I saw a number of people I knew. Gave various ones hugs; it was nice. The one I saw, who avoided me, was Toupee Ted from last year. I would have been cordial, but avoidance worked just fine for me, too. I'm due an apology from him, but I doubt his pride could get him that far.
By default, I settled in talking to one guy, just one of the many guys in this group for whom I have no interest dating, when a female I knew came up to chat. She asked if I've been dating and I told her I communicated/dated a guy for about a month over the winter, but I discovered he didn't have a sense of humor, so I broke it off. She piped up that there's a relatively new guy who has a kinda corny sense of humor, along with another guy who was relatively new that night, so she took me to meet them.
I really liked the corny humor guy, mostly because corny was the wrong word; I found myself touching his arm a lot, a subconscious indicator of interest rarely employed. He's 44 and pretty new to this dating situation. He reminded me of handsome Ron Livingston in Office Space; same height, too. I guess I could call him Ron. He likes quotes from movies and, although I love movies, I am horrible at even remembering the plots, much less what anyone said. But I am a sucker for any guy who cracks me up. (Between that and exceedingly good sex, I was engaged much longer than I should have been. Hooks, I tell ya.) And, although I am not one for the idea of feeling chemistry or strong attraction (I'm more for the idea that it'll happen if it happens over time), I now understand the process a little more.
He, however, isn't the ultra extrovert despite his talk; I think it is a coping mechanism, like with most comics. He came in to this his nearly first event and sat on the other side of the bar from the party, imbibing liquid courage. Amazed, I told him about playing darts on my own to acclimate and do the same.
The other guy was quite sweet, retired military with two teenaged kids. He is a youthful looking 45 like me and also having over 20 years with this dating situation, which I will email about privately with anyone I know who doesn't understand my appropriately evasive lingo.
Ron called him Steve for Steve Carell all evening. This sweet guy with the blond hair (carefully parted and combed in a longish military style) and demeanor of Jack McBray, aka Kenneth the Page, looked like Steve Carell without the nose. Such wonderful eyes and a beautiful smile and teeth. And he's moral and upright without being religious, all those things I value. I guess he's going to be Jack here.
We three hung out a good bit, went to an after party thrown by one of the hosts from the party. I drove over and stopped for a six of Sam Adams on the way, saying to myself that I didn't need to buy so much, but maybe I could share. Well, when I later realized I was sleeping over on one of the many air mattresses, I wound up drinking all six myself. I can hold it, but that was overkill.
I felt myself drawn to the funny guy all evening, but the other guy was always around, too, and pleasant to talk to. We made a good threesome. Eventually, Ron, the funny guy, decided to go home and, despite the the milieu around us, that seemingly left alone me and the other guy, Jack, who I thought was friendly toward me, but not necessarily interested. Looking back, he was often around, just not forceful or obnoxious about it.
Finally at close to 4am, he and I went to the room of air mattresses. There was a drunk woman on one and a drunk guy on the other. Without asking me if he should, he slid the drunk woman to the other side of the bed, which put me between the two men, Jack and I each on the edge of our touching mattress.
Because I don't really know how to pick up men and am not much for flirting, I am really tough to get into such situations and have a hard time reading things. I'm impossible at even a first kiss. I generally tap dance out of them, but once I am warmed up and the ice is cracked, I am warm and remain that way for the future. I had full intentions of merely sleeping, as I'm a mom and don't pick up guys, but I just wanted to touch him as I drifted off. The liquid courage helped and I don't regret it as it led to more. Eventually, we went out to his car for noise control. [Lots of edits here.]
Considering that I haven't gotten laid since a year ago with Ted, I am ridiculously far from slutty. If anything, I wish I could be more slutty and actually heed my strong libido. I crave the contact, but am too chicken to pursue things. Jack's quite buff (would have love to actually have seen him, but feeling him was very nice) that the contrast in our levels of buffness was obvious and bothered me a bit in an 'out of your league' kind of way. I'm paranoid like that. But, hey, take it while you can!
Along with almost a dozen others, we hung out for breakfast in the morning. We both left just before noon. This is a serious group of huggers and he hugged me last and longest, whispering to ask if he could contact me via the website. I told him my screen name and that was it. Later Sunday, I posted on the board thanking the hosts, just to make it easier for either of them to find me, although looking back I see Ron as an elusive bundle of insecurities.
I liked Jack's company and, for once, could see him as a friend - or more - somebody I could enjoy his company with comfort. I'm not in any hurry and am not chomping at the bit about it. If it happens, fine. No pressure. No obsessing. Just warm fuzzies.
It's nice to be in this spot.