Sunday, October 24, 2010

Beware, people

Watch out for fb.

I spoke of the custody case which was the lowlight of my year. There's more.

Months ago, my father was new to fb and had few friends. Suddenly, ex showed up as a friend. To get my father to react to anything is impossible, but I kindly asked him to remove ex. My father instead said he disliked fb and was canceling his account. He didn't. He is an ass.

At least my father never uses fb. My father's sister and my sister do. And they comment on mine. And I just realized that ex had friended them. And some friends of mine from HS who were not his friend - ever.

My friends and family have been a conduit for information to my ex-husband. Silly banter can be misrepresented all sorts of ways and I am on guard that ex may put me through this shit again.

Today, I realized he'd friended my 16yo niece. He has no other reason to friend her except to get through to me.

He's an earwig. It's fb stalking and I do not have any of his friends or family on mine.

Now I am put in the awkward position to limit access for these people until they either unfriend him or severely limit his access. And I have to question the loyalty of all of my family. My father knew bout the lawsuit, but offered nothing. Let's see how the other opportunities for loyalty pan out. I don't have my hopes up.

Beware, people.


Kellie said...

Wow. That's scary. From my own "situations" - I can tell you that sometimes family think they are doing the *right thing* but trying to keep the peace and not taking sides. It sucks, it's ridiculous and it's unfair - but in my own family it's happened several times. Make sure your settings on FB are restricted to not allow non-friends to view your pictures, posts or comments. You can also set up groups so that certain people are restricted from viewing certain statuses etc. My husband does that all the time.

Word Verification = horialeg. I can only assume that is what my legs would be like after a week of not shaving.

Anonymous said...

Amen! I mainly use facebook to keep in touch with family back in South Carolina and they consist of 80% of my "friends" but I am currently involved with facebook drama because I friended an acquaintance at my golf club. I play with a woman from S.C. whom I don't exactly enjoy playing golf with but on Facebook, I made a reference to the foods we miss and that I was going to her house for Carolina hash. The new added acquaintance feels betrayed because she has been very annoyed with the S.C. woman and when reading my facebook, it appears that I am good friends with S.C. lady (I called her "delightful")so the new added friend feels betrayed by me. She talked much smack about S.C. lady in the club championship and now thinks that I told S.C. lady and betrayed confidence. Really stupid drama. The new added "friend" doesn't understand that my audience is my family and I'm not going to say anything derogatory about anyone on Facebook because I still don't trust their privacy settings.

I cannot imagine dealing with intense legal/custody drama like you have been on Facebook! What a nightmare!

Much love to you,


(my word verification is "hadpap" - yes, I had my papsmear recently. :) .)

Anonymous said...

My ex-husband has started friending people on my list as well. The ONLY reason that he's on my friends list at all is cuzz my son has a fb and I want to make sure that he remembers that I have control over what he does on fb. So far, no one in my family has accepted his request, mainly cuzz they all hated him while we were married I'm assuming, but he's gotten a few of my friends to accept. I'm not really sure how I feel about it since things have been going rather smoothly for the last couple years, but I know that could end at any second.

I have no idea if I made any sense up there or not. My brain is swimming in enough snot that I'm surprised I haven't drown yet. o_O

Cricket said...

Kellie, I need to re-re-re-check my fb settings. I wish we could see how our profile looks to a non-friend, so I could see what he sees. I think mine is pretty shut down, but who really knows? Setting these things is so garbled.

Julianna, I personally know the SC way and how "kind" one is. Not that I fit this model very well! It sounds like neither "friend" is worth having.

Brite, your family is a wise one. I actually received a friend invitation from the ex-husband of the aunt who I mentioned. He was a lawyer/judge who embezzled a large sum, got MY family to pay back the funds, did his time, waited seven years, is now an attorney again, and never fucking paid back any of my family a dime. My grandparents refinanced their virtually paid off house for him.

In typical news, my sister gave me a "you're not the boss of me" speech about my request for loyalty toward me in getting ex off. I got it heaped on me in several emails, then she said she wanted a real sister, would I be there for her? I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

They're all really some fucked up people. I told Bea I don't even know if I love them. My grandmother went in the hospital yesterday w/pneumonia and they (that ever wise they -- that my father fell for) said she would not make it out of the hospital. They'd previously forgotten to have anyone sign a directive, so I think the fear relates to that. We'll see. She's in the throes of Alz, but has been otherwise healthy until the last month.

I really would like to be a hermit sometimes.

WV: guent - yes, gents are gooey

Anonymous said...

Would you be a "real" sister???!!!???? WTF! You are as real as they get, she is the one who didn't get it. Feeling for you, Cricket. I hope things get better for you soon...

Anonymous said...

I created a separate fb account specifically to make sure that my privacy setting were the way I wanted them. The other account has no friends on it and is strictly there to make sure that no one can see my info unless I want them to. Occasionally, I'll dd myself to the other account and list it into one of the groups I created. Like, when I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to tell everyone I knew, but Greg hadn't told his family yet. I sectioned off his sisters and brother so that they could only see certain things, like they could see my statuses, but not any of the comments posted to them from my friends. There are certain picture albums that they're not allowed to see, either. Just to make sure that I had everything set up the way I wanted, I added my other account, put it in that group, and tested it out. Once I saw that I had everything set up, I removed the other account from my friends list. That's also how I was able to make sure that no one could search out or see my son's profile unless I wanted them to be able to see it.

Cricket said...

Aren't you clever? Thanks for the very detailed explanation. It's exactly what I was considering, but you made it much clearer on what to do.

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