Friday, October 29, 2010

I guess it's over

I'm not sure if I'm relieved, but I sure am stunned.

I went over there early this morning so I could go to her follow up appt after surgery two weeks ago. She'd had an allergic reaction and vomiting; the surgeon didn't communicate anything about it, either to me with the post-op interview or to us at the appt. The only way we knew anything was because we'd asked for the surgical report during the part of recovery I could be with her. Of course, I'm good at questioning doctors, so I offered up my services. And she was very interested in my being there.

Sounds break up-worthy, huh? I was doing her a favor.

After the appt, we went for breakfast and then we were going to a movie. On the way, my phone rang. It was Lyd, so I just silenced it. Turns out, that means to Bea that I have something to hide. We were 10 minutes into the movie when she said we needed to leave. Once out, she verbally attacked me about me being untrustworthy and that I was cheating on her, if only by sexting or phone sex. This diatribe was to include the revisiting a guy who I thought was a painting sales lead who called a few weeks later to ask me out; she actually thinks that if she had not witnessed the call that I'd have done him. I find all this really insulting and dealing with her baggage is beyond old.

I kept waiting on it to blow over in one of her moods, but she kept at it, so I left. In fact, I believe her old therapist drove several hours today to comfort her. (cough - this therapist is personal and talks of her own life - so wrong) Then Bea wrote she is going to see a hypnotherapist this weekend. She spoke of taking a trip without me again; the last time was the Bahamas. She spoke of drastic and quick personal turn arounds. I just don't think her capable.

She would not pick up the phone, so I left her a couple phone messages. In one, I replied about one of her emails. She is hooked on me, has even called herself obsessed. She generally behaves fine around me, so I don't worry about it. Mostly, I think she's needy. So today she spoke of this addiction and I replied that she has me up on a pedestal, so perfect that I could never live up to her image of me. Then when I am absolutely human (although not guilty), she gets angry b/c I don't live up to the dream.

It has been wrong for me to try to accommodate her. She is always so demanding.

Several weeks ago, she told me that she started taking prenatal vitamins. By ultrasound, they determined she has an oddly-shaped uterus and said that five days after her next cycle begins, she would be scheduled for an HSG. That's on Monday. I will not be there due to art sales stuff, but I'm pretty sure I would not have gone. I do not support this or her timing of it. She's only 30; she could wait.

As far as me going to the wild parties she in her paranoia ranted about, I guess she forgets I am a mom and I talk to her a dozen times a day on the phone. And oh? the sex? that stuff we rarely do? yeah, I could care less. I am menopausal. Sex is a turn off. I need to change my byline, which I would miss more that I miss sex. That is one absurd charge against me.


Julianna said...

Congratulations are in order. Good riddance. I'm sure that it is difficult and will require new habits/rituals but people who care about you can see clearly that she was not good for you. I hope you are able to move forward in a timely manner. Much love to you and congratulations for moving forward. You deserve a healthy relationship.

Cricket said...

It is lingering in a way I never expected. Today, she called and we fought for three hours. She also mentioned Thanksgiving as well as her birthday in March, as in together

I don't know why I suck so bad at breaking up. I am to the point now that it is doing me damage, just like it was with P. Mostly, I don't want the blame for doing it.

I am so frustrated and only have about a dozen framing jobs to finish by tomorrow. Sigh.

Thanks for your message and I will try to take it to heart.

Oh, I learned that she is less than generous with me b/c she thinks I am getting money from a variety of sources, to include Lyd. Absurd. I save all month to buy essentials if I have money left at the end of the month and she actually holds that against me. That I work hard to be able to eat at the end of the month is a bad thing. Go figure.

I do not want to date anyone. I do not want to be damaged by her. She's a bully.

Orodemniades said...

What Julianna said!!!

Though I am so sorry that you're hurt. I wish it wasn't so.

Julianna said...

If it was easy, you would have done it the first few months of warning signs. I am going to speak to you like you were my sister and feel free to ignore me like my sister would ;).

You are giving away your power. You are in control of you. You are not at the mercy of some stupid phone call, rant, text or whatever else crazy ass thing can come your way. You are not at the mercy of craziness - control it! Nip it in the bud when you see it is not worthy of you.

There will never be another living soul that will love you or take care of you like YOU will - take care of that little girl inside of you. You know what is healthy and good for you deep down and honor that.

Be strong.

It is better to be alone forever than be in a destructive relationship.

Hang in there. Love yourself endlessly. You can do it!

Val said...

Julianna said it all - but damn, I've got a lot of reading to catch up on ;-)!

Take care of yourself in the meantime...

Lots of love!

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