Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Dysmorphic dismissal

Yeah, I have body issues. I believe most are deserved.

P knew my body issues and did all he could to put them at ease. One thing I miss the most about his was his greeting, whether by phone or in person: "Hey Gorgeous!" Without fail. I didn't necessarily feel gorgeous, nor did I really think he always thought me gorgeous, but the effort really meant a lot.

I distinctly remember two weeks ago in the blow up with Luke how he didn't compliment me at all, to the point that I felt unattractive. I remembered that the last time he'd told me I looked nice was about three hours into the night at the ballet way back at Thanksgiving. I remember being so proud of the red blouse he knew I'd purchased just for the occasion. When he finally had said something about my appearance, it served to be rather counter-productive in the too little, too late vein. A day or two later was the first time I broke up with him, but the underlying reason for it to end was him being so scattered. As I finally learned over time, him not complimenting me was not a result of him being scattered. He was completely self-absorbed and couldn't even take the hint when I fished and told him that he looked nice.

It comes down to training, but that's not all. Many times I have said that my goal is to raise a good husband in my son. Women won't be a mystery to him, nor will an apology or a sense of humor. It'll flow that he'll be an attentive dad as well as husband.

This evening, ex just took him out for dinner rather than having him over night because the baby is sick. As they ran in the store on an errand, J told his dad that he really liked his shoes with those pants. And he really liked his hat.

Rather surprised, ex stopped and asked, "Okay, what do you want?" to which J replied he didn't want anything.

"I'm just being nice," he explained. "When I tell Mom in the morning that she's pretty, it makes her feel good all day."

Indeed. I have no idea where he got this, but he tells me, the cat, and the fish daily and with feeling that we're pretty. Indeed.


DD said...

It's his childhood innocence mixed in with mature sensibility.

I'm afraid my own son will not grow up with that value as his father rarely (never) compliments how I look. I do however, make it a point to tell my son that he looks very nice.

You need to remind ex that sometimes a compliment is just a compliment and he should try it more often.

Well-heeled mom said...

My son is very good at throwing out sincere compliments, as well as I love you, and he is physically affectionate. He has a great role model - MFH is that way with me, too. Those little things are so very important in a person.

Shinny said...

You are doing a great job raising that boy. Want to take mine for a while and whip him into shape? Two red-heads with the same birthday, wouldn't that keep you busy? ;)
You look beautiful, by the way. ;)