Thursday, July 03, 2008

Now that I hate July 3

Today would have been my 22nd wedding anniversary.

It is also the 3rd anniversary of my engagement to P. He said he was claiming the day for himself, superseding all else, but actually it was the only weekend he was without his daughter for 15 months and it was a large measure of convenience. Little did I know.

I used to like being married near a holiday. It guaranteed a day off of work. Ex liked it, too, and his first date of marriage to new wifey was supposed to be Memorial Day five years ago. Funny, our divorce wasn't final until May 31, so they sort of jumped the gun on that one. Instead, they wisely skipped the 4th and got married at Labor Day.

So this is the day I dread all year, more than any other. I am pissed at two men who refused to try to make it work and as a result wanted to make it all revolve around them. Mostly, today I'm pissed to be alone, although I do not want to be with either of them.

I spoke to Lyd on the phone yesterday as we attempt to do the friend thing and she spontaneously wished for me to find somebody who suits me, as she correctly surmised that she needs to find a circus freak. I replied that I really don't see that happening for me. I told her about the day before, when I complained to Norma about a guy IMing me from the dating site; he would reply with two words and I was trying to make a conversation around it; chicks always have to do all the work and I do not cotton to it. As she's mentioned before, Norma said that I need to be with a woman, as I don't speak guy-ese very well, that I expect too much from guys.

Yeah, on some level I expect some guys who got married or engaged to me to still stick around. Silly me.

Sorry for the wallow. I need some more sleep, I think.


Monica Cassani said...

It took me 34 years to find a decent guy. I expect if I had to start over it would take another decade, not 34 years, given I've learned a thing or two, but as far as I can tell it simply takes time.

I watch my single girlfriends---great women--- struggle to find someone decent without dozens of red flags flying of of them.

Hang on...I don't believe you'll be alone forever. It's hard for everyone to find the right person, but you're doing it the right way. Not willing to compromise and taking your time when you find someone.

You're doing it all right. And in the mean time you are beautiful just as you are!! Remember that.

Val said...

"More sleep" - amen to that, sistah! Sorry you are suffering thru these trigger-happy dates (my former wedding anniversary was 5/25 aka Memorial Day).
& G certainly sometimes I feel as though I've just traded one set of red flags for another, but I have to make peace w/the choices I've made...

Churlita said...

I know tons of women who have found their guys after many years of being single. I think it's all about timing and I have to hope for myself, that it will happen when I'm really ready, not just when I want it. I think I've learned a lot about my own expectations and how to let things go a little better. God, how I hate the process...

NoRegrets said...

Well, all I can say is that everyone needs a wife. BUT, the whole expectations thing is a good thing. Settling doesn't work. I tried for 5 years... (oops, don't tell my soon to be ex that).