Friday, July 18, 2008

When you date, how much contact do you want?

Or even when you're married?

I remember thinking that P's three phone calls per day were a bit much, but I never said anything. I also remember that seeing him 5-7 nights out of 14, in accordance to my visitation schedule, seemed like a good amount.

I don't really want to see anyone a whole bunch, nor do I want that level of contact. I can be such an introvert.

So far, with these two women, I am seeing a difference in communications sought vs. the usual men. In a way, I prefer the relative infrequency of most men.

Lyd used to contact me through IMs on three sites, email on another site, emails to three of my addresses, cards/gifts to my home address, texts, and phone calls to two numbers, plus she has three blogs. It was kinda like where ever I was, there she was.

Lizzie is wearing out my email address. We've emailed through a dating site and another email address. I have her home and work email addresses. She easily sends me 15 emails a day.

Perhaps it was a mistake, but I told Lizzie that I changed visitation this weekend so I could go to a big party Saturday night. It'll be similar to the parties Lyd attended, one with me and one without. To her credit, Lizzie didn't ask to go to the party with me, but she has asked via email a couple different ways to see me after. Because I'm planning on bringing a blow up mattress to crash, seeing her is not on my agenda. I haven't spoken to her directly to tell her.

I think Lizzie is a bit clingy and desperate. On our second date, she introduced me to her neighbor as her girlfriend. Whoa. Although I could justify it as kind of a convenience label, I don't know how much emotion is behind it. I need to ask sooner rather than later.

Wednesday night, driving there took two hours, because the traffic was quite bad. Then I left just after 3am and it took just over an hour. On a night like that in which I need to assuredly be home by 7am, it is impossible to take anything to sleep, the med being the only way I can sleep over an hour. After all the driving to Lizzie's, plus driving twice to strings camp, I was a mess all day, even sleeping through phone calls Thursday night.

I don't think I have it in me for mid-week visitation at Lizzie's. Odd as hell, I know, I don't like people to come here, so that means I'd only see Lizzie every other weekend, which doesn't sound half bad to me, except she's trying to squeeze in nookie at every possible opportunity. I feel a bit rushed and pressured. I need to tell sooner than later.


Monica Cassani said...

I know when I was into someone when I first started dating them I did want to see them very often and I think that is very common if someone feels chemistry with someone.

But I also think there are plenty of people who need time and space like you do as well. Both men and women. You either have to find a balance with Lizzie and I recommend you telling her exactly what you told us about what your needs are...if you can't find balance...if she truly requires much more attention then it won't work...

Now that I'm married I need space...I think most people get tired of to frequent contact at some point or another. (of course both my husband and I work at that makes it more necessary that we carve out time alone)

Aunt Becky said...

The older I get, the more space I require in a relationship. I'm not sure if I'd be down with clinginess right now, but I don't know. It sounds nice and reassuring at the same time. Do I make sense?

Anonymous said...

It seems that women can be very clingy and almost needy. I have had girlfriends like this in the past and quite frankly just wanted them to go away. Attention is one thing, but obsession is insane.

good luck getting that arms length between you and this one

brite69 said...

Hmm... I've always needed space. I mean, I like knowing that someone is so into me that they want to see me every chance they get, but I need me time as well. My ex-husband felt compelled to be around me 24/7, no breaks at all. It got to a point where he would walk into the bathroom when I was in there, regardless of what I happened to be doing. With Greg, our work schedules (well, his work schedule at the moment) give us plenty of time apart. There was a guy I worked with who was on the phone with his girlfriend ALL.THE.TIME. I couldn't understand how they were able to stand not having even a moment with out hearing the other's voice. It seemed like WAY too much to me.

I agree with gianna about needing to tell her. If you keep that to yourself, you could end up resenting her seeming clingyness.

NoRegrets said...

yes, yes you do...

Erin said...

This was a lovely bblog post