Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Evaluations and minor frustrations

J started school and thinks his teacher is really nice. I have high hopes. Back In School Night is coming up.
Because the construction is finished and we finally have a light with a button, I need to start walking him to/from school as part of my exercise program as a prudent use of time. However, I really like walking with Norma and her son in the later evenings, although her son and my son get in trouble together going too far away on their bikes. J wants to walk not ride anyway (in part to be nosy about our conversation we think), so I should try that mode of travel if it doesn't hamper us in other ways. We've already gone the scooter route, but it doesn't work when Ben is on a bike going faster. However, it works well if J is alone with us. Logistics.
Anyway, I am learning that walking an hour-ish in the evening isn't conducive to getting homework done. I need to force him to finish up before walking as an incentive. I know the June Cleaver thing is to make a kid do homework the second they get off the bus, but I figure they've been at it all day and deserve a break. Need to find a compromise. Or literally ride it out until it's too cold.
For the third Wednesday in a row, ex is going to be late picking up J. At least he called in advance this time. Glen and I are going to have a quick dinner and a movie, the football one, so his choosing, but I'm sure I'll like it, at the very least, like it more than The I11usionist.
In talking to Norma, I've realized more concisely the things I like about Glen and the things I don't. He has a knack for choosing fun things to do - good dates, good family things, he even wants to take me roller coaster riding on Saturday. Thing is, once there, he's no fun. I really thought we could work as activities partners with some benefits, but I think that would imply that I like spending time with him.
He makes strange, derogatory comments about situations and people, like breastfeeding mothers, that radiate such bad energy to me; I wish I could remember more examples. The comments are not really directed at me, except he appears to not understand my most basic of statements/jokes and then I have to explain everything and it winds up feeling sour. This is strange dynamic is magnified on the phone. He'll say something and I think he is cooperatively fishing for ideas on what to do/how to do them, then I have other ideas to run by him, I chat some because he's not talking, then there's a five second pause I create on purpose, and he finally fucking tells me his real intention, what he really wanted from the outset. Drives me fucking crazy. No need to go around the block if you can go right next door, buddy.
Norma is of the mind that everybody has good and bad and you see how much of the bad you can minimize; she sounds like a Realtor around here: attempt minimize the bad in the property you're viewing. I've said it many times that I don't expect perfection in people/relationships, but jeez you have to understand each other's jokes and not be negative/critical all the time. I can handle introverted, but not carping.
Further, he radiates a complete lack of confidence, a nervous laugh accompanies each statement as he fears owning his words/ideas and he walks slumped over with his hands in his pockets. The good thing is that we three at the festival over the weekend all perfectly wanted to do the same things at the same time - food, shows, leave - and that was comfortable, so the hands in the pockets while walking to the right places and doing the right things is a good thing. I can also see my son's interovertedness in him and they have a commonality because of it, although me son has more life and interest that I hope he doesn't lose. I'm fishing, can you tell? I don't think I'd want Glen as his role model.
What was acute to me this weekend was how much being with him reminded me of my old friend Joan's husband and how him not talking and him riding her energetic, lively coat tails (my term, my pet peeve, my situation now) drove her crazy. Her husband didn't help plan activities much, so Glen is one up on that, but when a guy like that talks, I think it ironically carries more weight as they attempt to hide in the shadows and when it is so often negative and delivered with such sharpness (kind of a 'get in there and get out' mentality to speech), it is not a pretty picture.
Sigh. I want a good one who laughs at my jokes, tells good jokes, has a similar sense of timing, likes to plan/go/do, and has enough disposable income to have fun. Is he out there?
Norma is a bit pessimistic and figures there are always ones out there worse than Glen.

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Kellie said...

I want a good one who laughs at my jokes, tells good jokes, has a similar sense of timing, likes to plan/go/do, and has enough disposable income to have fun. Is he out there?

They are out there but I think they are hard to come by... I think what you need to do decide is if Glen is "workable"? Laughing at jokes and the timing thing are crutial in my books. I couldn't be attracted to someone that doesn't have a sense of humor (or at least appreciate mine...) - that is WAY beyond looks to me. Is it possible that he's just nervous because of the "newness" of the relationship?

The fact that Glen doesn't have children by choice would bother me as well. That certainly doesn't mean that he couldn't be a good role model for J, but does he want to be? He sounds like a good guy though so I hope I'm just being overly critical because I want the best for you.

Does Norma have a brother? lol

I hear you on the homework thing. I feel horrible making the kids do their homework as soon as they walk in the door. Last night The-Boy had to read 120 pages of US History. A bit excessive for the first day of school I thought - I felt bad for him.

DD said...

There may be worse than Glen, but certainly there are better. No one should have to "settle".

Klynn said...

I think that the fact that you wouldn't want him as a role model for your son should answer any questions you might have.

When I started dating after my divorce, I refused to put my daughter in any situation where her best interests were not paramount. If Bob had not accepted her and understood that she was always first in my life, he'd have been out the door on his a$$. But funny enough, my dedication to her was part of what made him want me to be the mother of his child (resulting in the Boog).

From this perspective, it looks like this Glen guy is not long term material. Not saying that you shouldn't enjoy what you can while you can, but you've gotta be a package deal. If he's not good (or great) for J, then he's not right for you.

Just want to see you happy. Don't want to see you settle.