We went out last night and I was dreading it a bit. I actually had a better time than anticipated. Maybe he was unusually quiet on Sunday, perhaps a little uncomfortable around J and at the festival, although it was all his idea and J was pretty cooperative. Maybe he was mad about something. Before Sunday, I had never equated him to being like Joan's husband, a drag on her coat tails. Maybe I was overly sensitive somehow, too.
The roller coaster thing won't work out for this Saturday, so we've shelved it until next month. I feel more comfortable about putting it off until then, but getting to that was a process that frustrated me, as I was pretty flexible/unvested about the whole thing. Me being flexible isn't me being indecisive; it's me not really caring one way or another and deferring to someone who cares. In this process, he finally admitted that he is indecisive. I finally admitted, "I don't do indecisive well." I threw something in there about "backbone" for good measure to fair indicate back what I prefer instead; decisiveness is a pet peeve. I believe Getty Lee: "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
I feel better about him, but just hours beforehand, my therapist declared, "He must be transition guy," and I agreed. I know he's good for the shorter term. However, I also need to be, "Miss Let It Go Because It Clearly Wasn't Meant To Work Woman," and I don't have the best track record at that.
On Saturday, we'll go to a sports bar and watch his favorite college team; I'm not a fan of his team, although I respect them, and if anything I always have enjoyed watching the other team. Further, I've been such a fan of pro football for so many years, I know I'll miss that aspect, as I haven't watch college football in a long time. Don't worry, I'll make it somehow. (Tongue in cheek there for the lingering without senses of humor.) BTW, Invincible is incredible.
Unrelated to this and after the movie, he was trying to push me about a very personal issue and it made me uncomfortable. I told him that I can talk about sex or fucking or blow jobs, but I cannot talk about/accommodate this. I said that if he were to feel verbally pushed like this (and stating that it was not the first time he'd pushed me like this about a subject he didn't understand) and have how he feels changed, he'd be angry about it. This actually resulted in a few tears (mine) as I explained again about my take on the situation. He said he didn't get it and I guess I appreciated his voicing that, but I never try to make sense to others when the subject hits this close to home; it only needs to make sense to me. I don't need someone else's pushing, rationalizing, similarity, or coping skills.
No, it wasn't about breastfeeding in public.
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