I have a friend, Ruby, in the singles group who keeps trying to get me to give guys a try. I like Ruby. She's good for a laugh.
This 'trying' includes the one-night-stand guy she had last spring, who actually did linger some, but who showed up an an event she was meeting him at... with another date. It mortified her. She was hurt. And I know one other woman who Mark also broke her heart, so although I've had a nice conversation with him recently, I will categorize him as not my type, even though he's lovely to chat with and is a big, strapping guy like I like.
Same goes with another guy, Jim, who Ruby went out with (and also slept with - I am realizing I am rather chaste) as did the leader of the singles group, Lara. The ladies didn't know each other yet, but he found them both over the holidays. They weren't committed, so nobody was double dipping, yet he he was true to form as he seems to weasel in and out of people's lives, only to show up again later.
This guy, who I've never met, is tall with red hair, just my type. I was interested five years ago when Jim first emailed me. Then he darted out, my take on it being him finding a relationship. Over the past five years since, he's emailed me once or twice a year, seemingly forgetting that he's emailed me before and sending the same generic email message. In fact, he emailed me over the holidays when he was, um, so active with my friends. He emailed me again last week, so I figure his glut at work or his mini-relationship in the mean time is over. Besides at the beginning years ago, I have not responded to him. I don't figure he's the one for me when he can just send the same email over and over, not remembering me. I really wanna get laid, but not that bad.
We have another friend, Lucy, who's gotten the same emails, but never met him.
I think Ruby thinks that some guy is going to find the love of his life and suddenly straighten up. Do you see P's new wife (BTW, HB #46 next week, Shancy. I sure would like your birthday card to be full of goodigoodness and facts not known by you, so you don't make it to your first anniversary in October - sorry, a little meanness slip) make him not drink and give him the incentive to not cheat on her, either? Do you think Luke's new chick wasn't given the 'what for' about talking to other men while he simultaneously maintained multiple email relationships? Do you think ex's new wife has him being uninhibited and actually interested in the bedroom?
Nope, any changes are temporary. Ruby believes real change is possible and virtually spontaneous. My therapist remarked to me about her, "And you thought you were naive!"
Well, Ruby had a conversation with Ted the other day at a party while I was in FL. In the past she's said that she and Lucy both think he's "swarmy," whatever that means. Surprising herself, she related to me last weekend that he actually seems pretty normal and conversational, nice to talk to even. She wasn't trying to pave the way for herself to date Tou-pe Top Ted (as Lucy calls him), she was trying to point me his way, thinking he's really stuck on me the way he acts.
I told her that he kissed me the last time he saw me (she'd left the patio party before it happened) and she asked again if we'd dated, just like when I'd first told her about him last Spring. I lied and said we didn't. It is the truth as it was more FWB than traditional dating, seeins how I paid and all. I can't think of us dating.
However, Ruby firmly believes that people are cut out for each other and you never know who that will be, perhaps even your own or your friends' cast off. Sounding very pessimistic, I counter that by saying that I learn my lesson and don't keep trying to reinvent the wheel with guys like Mark or Jim or with someone I know better like Ted. I will always find him selfish, cheap, and neglectful of his mother and his lover, because I am very sure he didn't learn anything from our foray. No old dog, new trick thing possible.
But I sometimes do want to get laid bad enough for a repeat lay, as I make my therapist's toes curl in recoil. Just wish it could be with someone who wouldn't get more stuck on me in the process. I deserve to misbehave sometimes.
Besides, he does have beautiful eyes that twinkle so.
[Didn't mean to make you throw up.]