Monday, August 06, 2007

Work and play well together?

Shinny brought up a point that I'd already been mulling over.

How well do you work with your SO?

When we were married, we did not work well together. Yelling would ensue and it'd get ugly. It was mostly my fault, I'll admit.

I remember my parents working together to tile bathrooms, paint, landscape, etc. There'd be ball busting, but they'd do good work. I remember her saying, however, that wallpapering is divorce-worthy. That's why I never tried wallpapering with ex. The irony is palpable.

Doing the fence, we were fine, until I got a bit snippy on the fourth day, Saturday morning. He laughed and pointed, saying he'd go work on the other side, but I got it together and straightened out my mouth and frustration. I felt that I wasn't being listened to regarding the tightness of the peek-a-boo boards (I wanted virtually no gaps and ex feared the HOA rules) -- I knew I would fend off the HOA if it came down to it. This is the end of the house with foot traffic from the poor neighborhood and the reason the mail has been stolen twice, bike stolen, stink bomb in the door, etc. Sore subjects. If the HOA did their job and put up a fence on the other end of the neighborhood, I would not have to build my own fortress. Or get made when ex didn't understand the significance.

So my frustration carried a lot of history, but he didn't tune into that. However, because I want the fence built, I am sucking it up. In fact, picky Norma comes by and critiques. I tell her I refuse to because he is being good to me. It looks perfect to me. I actually think Norma is jealous.

So, yes, ex and I are building a fence as a divorced couple. We could have never done it when we were married. Never.

On a funny note, my mother forced her second husband to redo bathrooms and such like they did in her first marriage. She was overheard more that once saying to the Lowe's guy or anyone else who would listen that her first husband was so much better at remodeling than her second. Nothing like providing some incentive ... for divorce!


Anonymous said...

You are blessed with a kind ex husband. You are a lucky one.
One that helps you out like the fence, is able to take his son for visitations and you do not have to worry if he is safe with his dad,
does his child support with you.
And loves and cares for his son.
My ex does none of these things and breaks my sons hearts.
He sounds like a gem. Maybe you just could not be married together or you both matured and changed.
Which ever it is, J is a lucky boy to have a such GREAT environment to grow up in.

Cricket said...

Our separation started off very well then that second year or so was very rocky and he made threats of taking J. Besides that, it has been smooth. I've had a difficult time with his remarriage and his baby (who is an absolute terror and brute, which cracks me up), we've not held it against each other face to face.

He's heard me rail about P's daughter, then later P. I guess I sorta put us as friends, the very reason we got married with two weeks notice 21 years ago. Some things never change.

The other day, I told J he's very lucky to have two mean parents. He replied emphatically, "But you are two good parents." It's nice that it works. I wish it were better for you and your complicated situation. It sure makes life easier to share the load somehow. If I had a real mate, it would be much better.

Shinny said...

Steve and I can not work together on projects. But we learned that before we got married so that was a good thing. He does his projects and I do mine and we just stay the hell out of each others way until they get done. He takes for freaking EVER to do a 10 minute project, but if I don't have to do it then I better not complain, right?

J is very lucky that his parents can get along. Alex hasn't seen or heard from his dad in almost 3 years. Apparently he is in jail now. ;)