Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Caught me on the wrong day, Asshole

From his note:
Hi - I'm a little bit older than your stated preference, but I, too, have been told that I look younger. [Because looks are all that matter.] You can take a look at the recent photo on my profile and decide for yourself. [He's 60. True, his face could pass for 50.] Also, you say that you're not necessarily looking for a relationship, and it might be fun to just go out together and see where it goes.

From his single's ad:
Now about me: I'm not the leading-man type, but I'm no dog either. [Who fucking says that?] I am in very good physical shape and work hard at keeping myself fit. I'm well educated, well read, well traveled.

I am financially secure. I can travel, either to meet someone or to go on pleasure trips. What I am looking for: Someone who is attractive -- most particularly weight-height proportionate -- but not necessarily a beauty. [!!! What every woman wants to hear!!!] Someone who can carry on a conversation beyond "small talk." Someone who is intelligent and not afraid to show it, but not necessarily with a lot of education. [Because I don't want you to be smarter than me.]Someone who feels that she has almost everything out of life, but is missing that last fulfilling thing -- a mutually enjoyable relationship. We can take things at whatever pace you like and only as far as you desire. If anything I have written sparks [Yes, lots of sparks, Buster!] an interest with you, please respond, and we can see where it goes.

From my ad:
Unlike a lot of the advertisers here, I am not a work out fiend, but I do walk almost daily. I have a deliciously curvy figure, or so I have been told. For reference, most people I meet think I am younger than 30. [I don't just mean looks on the youthfulness.]

For my rant:
I got an email from a 60yo man because of my single's ad. Guys just piss me off. On my ad, I have my upper limit for dating as 55 and, honestly, that is way too high; this guy busts right through. I do not like the Baby Boomer mindset; they tend to have the subliminal sexist and racist undertone which is conveniently blamed on 'their time.' (Doesn't he just sound like a Baby Boomer? "I'm so progressive, sweets, that you don't have to be cute, honey, just don't be fat! Be smart, but not smarter that I am!") And I do not find their era's jokes funny, either, the kiss of death. Heck, this guy is only six years younger than my parents. I don't care how much money he has.

That a 60yo man is very specific about height/weight proportionality, yet says it's okay if she isn't pretty, well it boils down to him being willing to put a bag over her head if the other goods are alright. Being attractive is absolutely equated to having a smoking body? And 60yo men actually have the leverage to get it? And only skinny women could effectively fuck his brains out? What a misguided man.

I generally refuse to even read past any ad's declaration, "I work out ALLOT," stupid spelling aside. I think the work out fiend is a narrow, stunted idiot. I think being judged for not being a work out fiend is as shallow as it gets. Having it as a focus in an ad indicates an inherent incompatibility.

So this guy emailing me didn't feel like a compliment or an invitation. It felt like an indictment about what I am not, that he'd have already judged me without having seen me. Why on earth did he bother if he doesn't care for curves on a highly educated woman? Oh, it's the typical guy foible - because he didn't really read my ad!

I should respond, mirroring his note:
Hi - I'm a little bit weightier than your stated preference, but I have been told that I look magnificent by some and fat by the trolls. I think you are the latter, because you obviously have a very limited perspective on what it means to be attractive or how good a pussy not needing bag-over-the-head treatment might be. Go spend your money on a skinny chick. Maybe she needs the meal.

I should actually say:
I am not attracted to 60yo men and would not give you a chance, because you say you're not attracted to educated size 16 women. Yeah, I'm fat, but only so fat, yet it would always be an issue, that lack of acceptance. So let's mutually not lower our standards, eh? And, BTW, you are a dog and it has nothing to do with your face.

What would you say? Let loose. I have plenty of angst for all of us.


brite69 said...

Hehe. I'd go with the first response you have there. Though, I'd probably be a bit more vulgar cuzz that's how I roll.

I used to do the yahoo dating thing and I would get some of the most odd IMs from guys. Most of them just wanted me to meet them for sex, which made me decide to mess with their heads. One guy was incredibly descriptive about what he wanted to do and I had him thinking I was game. I wonder why he stopped talking to me when I asked him if my great dane could join in on the fun? LOL I've got some of the more interesting IMs saved to my DeadJournal in my Hall of Fucktards section.

DD said...

I think you should go with a similarly passive-aggressive stance:

"While I appreciate your interest and what comes across as urgency to have me change my age limit [read: desperation], I have set that specific limit as I have found that there are less performance issues for the under 55 crowd. I'm sure you will find your trophy pussy soon."

Klynn said...

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to date someone that close to social security. Maybe he's looking for someone to play nurse in his twilight years. You could always tell him that you have set your acceptable limits, and you couldn't ask him to respect you if you were willing to compromise them. Wish him well with his search for the trophy muff, and forget about his geriatric self.

dawn224 said...

I'm always up for a good ignoring, personally.

Cricket said...

There's a big difference between saying and saying.

I would never respond, but it sure is fun to vent.

Anonymous said...

I do not play on them sites too much...I have a MySpace account that keeps me in touch with my friends out of state and former coworkers....even on there though, I get some interesting requests, especially seeing that I am "in a relationship" on the site.

Mess with heads...at least it makes you feel better, right?

laura b. said...

haha! That guy deserves both responses and more. He sounds like a total douche.

Anonymous said...

Give it to the old goat Cricket!
All he wants is sex anyway.
I doubt he has money too!

Ron Southern said...

Stick the knife in, chick, and see if you turn up a chicken! You've thought it all out so far!