Tuesday, November 07, 2006

A comparison

Libby asked the hows and whys.

Length of time known
Tom: a month? maybe a little more?
Luke: two weeks

Tom: met in bar
Luke: met online when he contacted me

Amount of communication
Tom: 1-2 hours in a bar plus two longer phone calls
Luke: one week of weak emails, a number of very lengthy phone calls and the better part of a weekend, followed by more lengthy phone calls

Last time talked
Tom: about two weeks ago
Luke: this afternoon

Tom: married twice, hasn't dated in two years, has two teenaged kids locally he sees a lot, has little other life, has a job that he works over and travels and he admits he does not delegate like he should
Luke: married thrice, has dated and even had fuck buddies, has two younger kids who visit holidays/summers, likes taking classes at church and is working on a higher degree, has a job that occasionally requires extra work but what goes on is delegated extensively

Tom: fair, smaller guy, very wide shoulders, quietly cute, shy smile, more guarded with body language
Luke: dark, smaller guy, almost as wide shoulders, oozingly cute smile and twinkling eyes, almost flamboyant, Lat1n body language to where he's confused for being gay

Tom: ? but I suspect bland
Luke: thinks sex lasts for hours, a marathon with breaks, in which multiples abound with great skill and ease

Tom: introverted and less confident, but with a cowboy sexiness, perhaps too gentle and potentially a pushover
Luke: intensely connective, very thorough with questions, challenging one's character and backbone to the point one (I) want(s) to wring his fucking neck

What other points of comparison should I make? Except you see there really is no comparison.

I'm not going to post the expose I crafted this morning. Luke and I were quite angry at each other on the phone last night. He called after lunch today and requested a do over. It took a lot of talking. We value each other intensely and far too quickly. I don't want this spark to be a flash in the pan. I keep trying to get him to pull back for perspective and let things unfold more naturally and gradually. Maybe he can.

Maybe he can forgive me for my past and realize that that's where it is and I can simultaneously forgive him for his past, me with the faith that that is where it will stay. To me, it is simple. I can look forward, but I fear he's more ghost-oriented than I. For him, the wounds are fresher with his last marriage (things had gone south at least five years ago, but his divorce was only final in the Spring) and he is more reactionary as a result. The pendulum has not normalized again yet. We can choose to work it out together. Or not. As long as I don't have to walk around on egg shells, I'll be fine, because I am confident that what was in the past for me is in the past.

But I really like him and could be with him endlessly.


Anonymous said...

I must have missed something. What did you fight about?

Cricket said...

We fought about infide1ity. It has broken up two of his marriages and another long term relationship. To him it would be a deal breaker at this point in his psyche; that is where his pendulum is.

In my case, it was a momentary straying with a friend who is still a very good friend, but with whom I have no plans. What it boils down to for him is the act and for me it is the allegience or lack thereof.

I can confidently say there are no loves of my life waiting to bite anyone in the ass. I feel a clean slate, as clean as any adult who hasn't lived in a cave. He feels ghosts and I don't know he can be confident about me until I show him. And I do not think of myself as the type to run to someone else's arms when times get tough, but he fears that.

It is too raw an issue for him.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your compare and contrast essay. You get an A.