Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Ever so painful

Yesterday, evil-e and his oh so evil self asked what I look like now versus the 115 range pictured yesterday.

Nothing is so easy for me to explain succinctly, so I will show my highest weight from 2-2.5 years ago. Whenever I gain weight, it is usually due to introducing a new psych med. I have a hair trigger appetite center. I balloon up and it is not my fault getting there, but it is my unfortunate responsibility to eventually get it off again.

Frightening. That was about 30 lbs ago, then I started treating (Synthroid) my thyroid. Over the next year, I lost 30 pounds. This is how I looked a year ago.

That's what I weigh now, too, although in the mean time I'd put on 15 pounds, again because of my thyroid, this time a paradoxical gain because of overdose status (Levoxyl) for many months.

I was very lucky losing that 30 pounds due to the thyroid treatment, because I could do what I wanted and eat whatever. How often does that happen? With this 15 pounds I've lost since last fall, it has all been work by me. I have no lofty goals of weight loss with this latest thyroid medicine (Armour begun slowly in December) and figure that any raise it gives me in metabolism is just gravy.

An added bonus of me losing weight on my own is that I am not pressing myself to go to higher thyroid dosages. I've had at least two significant thyroid overdoses and that were partly my fault in my desire to lose weight. I was so greedy. Presently, I am for merely not having cold feet/hand/nose.

Now to get to my realistic goal weight, which is about 20-25lbs below where I am. I have gone from a size 20 to a 16 and I would be very happy as a 12. The last time I was there was eight years ago after I'd lost my baby (and more) weight in an email weight loss challenge with other new mothers in which I had continuous weekly losses for nine months.

(photos removed)

Man, that's brave, posting bathing suit shots. As you can tell, it is about 35lbs above what I showed yesterday, but it is much more realistic for me now.

My, what a painful journey. I am not good as visualizing weight or weight change, so I default to think of weight in 10lb sacks of flour. I can see where there are some sacks of flour missing from me and writing this post actually made me feel better about where I am and where I need to go.


Anonymous said...

You are so courageous to even fight with the meds. It never mattered what I ate on meds---always stayed fat. The only way I could lose weight on meds was working out like a maniac. We're talking 3 hours of vigorous shit a day. Eating less never made a bit of difference--I've always eaten healthy food. I did lose 40 lbs working out like a maniac, but now that I'm pretty much physically challenged I put back 30 lbs. I figure eventually, when I'm healthy again I'll take on the weight issue again.

Also I don't think it's realistic for normal people to be expected to work out 3 hours a day. Who has that kind of time?? (I do now--but I sure as hell hope not to forever)

I'm glad dieting works for you and you're doing so wonderfully. It's pretty amazing to me.

Size 12 is my goal too.

Cricket said...

Thanks, Ginna. I was so focused on the loss, I put the reason I'd gained in as an after thought. The way I can lose by cutting eating speaks to how I gained - by eating too much vs. just water weight or other weight enhancers. Elavil was a kicker - it makes you gain by reducing metabolism, making you eat more, and making you crave sweets. It's known to be good for 30lbs and I was on it twice for 60lbs total. Good thing those side effects weren't permanent and I repeatedly try to make the weight impermanent.

I cannot fathom working out three hours per day. That takes real commitment, even if you know you can't keep it up. That's like training for a bout or a Hollywood movie.

Meet you at the size 12 rack.

jess said...

wow! pictures DO speak a thousand words. i applaud you for posting pics.

and congrats.


Cricket said...

With you saying that, I (duh) realize that it's almost 100lbs between yesterday's low and today's high. I'd be happy in the middle.

Always glad to be the wonky example.

brite69 said...

I absolutely LOVE that last picture of you and J. You both look so happy!

And congrats on the weight loss! I may have said that yesterday, too, but yay! LOL

Cricket said...

Shoot, brite, I meant to write about (and ask you about) the endometriosis weight gain plan (Lupron and Provera depo style). That kinda started it all for me with about 30lbs 20 years ago. Did you gain weight with your exposure to lupron?

Aunt Becky said...

Dude, you're gorgeous in ALL of the pictures. Seriously.

And hey, quickie question for you: how long before you started losing the thyroid weight (when you first got medicated, I mean)?

Tara said...

It's amazing what that little thyroid gland can do, isn't it? I lost 8lbs when my doctor started me on Synthroid back in 1993.

A size 12 is a good goal and I wish you the best of luck with it!

Cricket said...

My dr starts at a low dose, say 75ug Synthroid, and has it bumped up each month until you feel better. As I said, I pushed it and would try 137.5 or 150 when I should have been on 115 or 125.

The second picture is the night I blew a fuse b/c of the overdose - screaming, crying, racing heart, diarrhea, etc. In those days around the overdose, I lost from my highest weight down about 7 or so lbs, so had a big jumpstart. After that and after going down a bit in dosage, I guess it averaged a 2-3 pounds per month. I think the overdose happened about two months into inching up the dosages, caught me by surprise that it was at such a low dosage comparatively.

The key is the dosage. If I had been satisfied with the 50ug dosage (the standard, what my psychiatrist gave me for four months b/c she was the one to diagnose it), I would have never lost weight or gotten uncold. I found a thyroid dr who treats to alleviate symptoms regardless of number - either the number of the dosage or the number of the TSH.

Although I topped out at 150 on Synthroid (and 137.5 on Levoxyl), she has patients on 600 and more. For someone inching up the dosages, getting to 600 would take some time and would delay symptom relief/weight loss.

I'd be interested in what you're taking and how you're being managed.

Cricket said...

Becky, one other thing. I met one woman who took 7.5ug, half of a 15, and it was exactly what she needed. If she took the whole 15, she said she'd been hopping the desk to strangle you. Things are just that sensitive and I think that some people are just lucky enough to have the standard dose of 50ug be just right for them. I think for most people, it's not enough.

Thanks, Tara. Wonky thyroids unite!

Brite, also, thanks for saying that about the picture. It is one of my favorites. He was so uncooperative (at 19 months in the full blown Terrible Twos) that I had to swing him to get a picture. Gosh that kid is stubborn.

Anonymous said...

Who knew you would take me seriously?...thanks.

For real, thanks for showing the photos. I understand about the weight gain from the drugs. I have a front row seat. My Renee is on medications for depression/anxiety and she will yo-yo like crazy depending on what she is on. It makes her crazy (no pun)that she cannot plateau at a weight.

There is nothing wrong with gaining weight in most real people's eyes. As I mentioned above, my girl is similar. Fortunately with her (and you-though I do not know you up front) there is more than meets the eye and the person beneath the meds, the weight gain, and the depression is what matters the most.

Anonymous said...

I think ALL the pictues are gorgeous. You are beautiful in every size you have been. I hope you reach whatever size makes you comfortable and happy.
I love J in the last picture, he is so cute!!!

Mrs. Hairy Woman said...

I can relate to the wieght flucuations cause I have had the same thing happen.. not the thyroid issues.. I start to feel better about myself and eventually get into a comfort zone and feel it's okay to eat whatever.. But in the long run I have gained over and over.. So my eating habits need to change.. you are very brave for facing this weight challenge.. Keep up the good work.. My goal is to lose at least 10 lbs before summer..

NoRegrets said...

Wow...from this and the last post it's just amazing how much energy goes into tracking your weight. Obviously it's important, but wow. I must say, I try not to get on a scale since I focus on the numbers rather than how I feel. How do you feel?
Also, it is indeed very interesting how sensitive people's bodies are to meds. I for instance am now on 7.5 mg dose of Lexapro - the only person my psychiatrist knows that's on that dose. 10 was too high. 5 too low.

Aunt Becky said...

Dude, I love you Miss Cricket. You have a ton of valuable info. Here goes what happened with me (it's boring).

I tried and tried to get pregnant with Baby #2 and went in for a workup and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (my level was somewhere around 9), got put on 50 mcg of levothyroxine.

Got pregnant, and had my OB manage my thyroid, went up to 88 mcg throughout my pregnancy (but needed more with the way I piled on the lbs w/o eating).

Gave birth, dropped down to 75 mcg, and was fine.

Went into MD for mastitis, the OB drew labs and my thyroid was at 20.

Then got a referral for an endocrinologist and have gone steadily up to 137.5 mcg (as of last week).

The weight is finally coming off, but since I had undiagnosed thyroid issues prior and had always been battling to get myself back to a size 6 (just.five.more.lbs!), I have no idea how it comes off when properly medicated.

I've lost 4 lbs in the past couple of weeks, so I remain hopeful that this will come.off.

19 lbs to go before I hit prepregnancy status.

Any advice from you to help it come off?

(oh, and I now take Synthroid, not the generic.)

brite69 said...

Crap yes! When I started it, I was about 40lbs less than what I weighed when I was pregnant. Now, I'm at my pregnancy weight. I think I'm starting to lose some weight, though, cuzz I can get a pair of my girl jeans on and off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. They were kinda tight when I bought them on my bday in January.