Luke lives about 15 minutes from me. During rush hour in the early morning, it only turns into 25 minutes. Pretty good.
Overlapping with visitation, I've stayed over on two Wednesday nights and one Sunday now. It only took 20 minutes today, but when I rolled up, J was getting out of his dad's van. Jeez, I was embarrassed. Busted.
To his credit, ex didn't act as if anything was out of the ordinary. When we were gathering stuff up to take it in, J asked me where I was. I pretty much told him the truth once we got inside, that Luke and I had watched a movie (C0nstantine) and it was on until 1am, so I just stayed over. That's pretty much the truth and he accepted it. I'm glad he met Luke over the weekend, so it doesn't feel random. Actually, it probably feels pretty good because Luke had a donut craving last night (whatta guy!) and I asked him to buy J one for this morning. Now that was a hit.
This scenario, however, supports ex's contention that I live a "Singles Lifestyle" with all being free and easy. This contrasts strongly with the "Wife and Kid Lifestyle" he sought probably with a reduced capacity for judgment about his own real need for a "Singles Lifestyle."
Alas. I'm a big girl, huh? Unlike Luke's situation, ex and I chose not to have a clause in our divorce prohibiting the opposite sex from sleeping over. (This could be an issue/non-issue over Xmas when his kids come and he wants to keep us on the down low so the youngins don't report back to Mom like they did during the summer.) Lordy, I never expected ex to be the one to do that drill first anyway. Except for once in the Spring when P slept over and J came back from visitation, crawling into bed with us (per his usual modus, so I made sure we had on drawers), the overnighter has not been an issue around here. Last night was kinda the opposite, anyway.
However, Luke is wanting it to be an issue, or at least to try to be sneaky about it. I am accustomed to being a free agent and only visit during visitation, but Luke feels hampered by that. He wants to come here for dinner and Monopoly, for example. He wants a real relationship and has discovered my walls, my ill-placed boundaries. He's willing to help me fix things around my house so I'll be more comfortable doing that. He is a treasure.
Another reason he's a treasure. Last night, I had him set up as the face-only model for my art class. (If I know you, I'll send you a copy. Even though it was only my third portrait, it was the best in the class. Woot!) He was dog tired, but he's a trooper. In fact, he was offered OT for two hours at work, which translates into comp time, something he's saving for his boy's visits, he declined because of his plans with me.
I am touched on so many levels. He kept a promise to my class and teacher. He used those two hours with me instead of saving them for his kids down the line. He chose me over work.
For my marriage, the military was the mistress. I didn't stand a chance. With P, his daughter was the mistress. I thought we could co-exist, but he didn't have the backbone for that. I have found a man who values our time together and doesn't (within reason) want to put something ahead of me. Priceless.